09-05-2020 01:35 AM
09-05-2020 08:46 PM
Hello @HurtingnSoCal l, sorry to hear that you have not spoken to your son in a while. I can understand why you are feeling hurt beyond words, that must be so awful to experience. It must be so hard to not be able to talk to your son, especially when you did not get a proper goodbye. I think it would be really helpful for you to talk about how you are feeling with others. So it is great that you have reached out for support here! Have you had a chance to discuss this with someone close to you? If you aren’t feeling up to talking with someone you know, there are always helplines with trained counsellors that would be happy to discuss this with you. Our service is intended for Australian parents seeking support with mental health and their teens, and we've noticed that you are also located in the US so we can’t really provide appropriate referrals for services in your area. I would recommend looking to some helpline services for parents that are available in your area, as you might find it to be quite helpful. Please feel free to keep us updated here on the forums!
09-08-2020 11:21 PM
Just wanted to let you know that I read your message and took it to heart. I have a few friends who've had issues with their kids, and parents who have cut them off as well. . If you could find out through a third party if he's okay in general, that might be an idea. However, that could be a painful process if you find out it is just you. However, maybe something else is going on. It might not just be you. Meanwhile, try and chat to someone about how you feel. It's really good that you spoke out here, but hopefully you can find someone closer to home. Take care and I hope things improve.
09-11-2020 02:36 AM
09-11-2020 07:32 PM
I am hoping that another parent who has experience similar to what you're going through might see this. In the meantime, I know what it means to go through incredible despair through my debilitating health situation where it looked like I wouldn't see my kids grow up. I'm still here 13 years later, so perhaps that might give you hope that things can change. I am a writer, poet, photographer so I can relate to what you're saying as a musician and artist. I also play violin and piano, though have a long way to go before I'd consider myself a musician.
As creative people, we grapple with human emotions, what makes people do the things they do and quite often, there are no explanations and what people do doesn't make any sense and sometimes it never will. Even if you're not Christian there's a lot of sense in the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
That's all very well when you're talking about simple stuff that doesn't matter like what you're going to eat for breakfast, but having your son turn his back on you is clearly in a different league. I don't know what to suggest about reaching out to your son. However, clearly you are concerned about the impact this is having on yourself and it's dragged you right down and almost completely under the water entirely. Although we haven't met in person, I have seen you floating in the water, jumped in my boat and I am sitting in the water beside you. Perhaps we're talking. Perhaps, there's just silence. However, I really do care and have taken your feelings to heart. When I've felt bad in the past, I've written some pretty gut wrenching poetry which, mind you, I'd later read at poetry readings and show my grandparents. I know the space you're in. I was wondering whether it would help to find a new creative outlet which perhaps doesn't remind you of your son and the time you've spent together. Photography has done wonders for me over the years, especially getting out into nature and you're just focused on what you see through the lens. Are you getting outside much and going for a walk or exercising in some way? It can be difficult at the oment due to Covid, but everythin I read about trying to improve your mood has exercise at the top of the list. That drives me a bit crazy because of my mobility issues and also because I'm not an exercise person. However, it does help. You don't need to start off with anything drastic just something. Gardenin is another thing which can lift your spirits and I should have mentioned my first go to...we have three dogs. Some times, we need each and every one of tthose dogs to get us through the hard times we've faced. Indeed, the reason we have three dogs is that we lost the border collie we'd had for 12 years right through the worst of my health issues and the kids growing up and I joke that it took two dogs to full his paws.
I hope this helps and I hope we can continue this chat later. I have to pick up my daughter who went wandering last weekend and is being kept of a short rope atm.
PS Birdwings is a poem by Rumi. You might like it.
02-24-2021 06:41 PM
02-24-2021 11:08 PM
That is incredibly hurtful @HurtingnSoCal, and I can only imagine how painful that would have been for you. Were you able to tell your son how much that comment had affected you? Was he able to understand where you were coming from?
02-25-2021 12:09 PM
Aww @HurtingnSoCal reading through your thread, I am really feeling for you and can imagine how hurt you must feel. You mentioned that you've had health complications with your feet, how is that going? Have you been able to connect with friends or family and get some support with how this would be making you feel?