10-04-2016 08:08 PM - last edited on 03-22-2017 02:41 PM by Ngaio-RO
My son just had his first romance. It lasted, in total, from go to whoa, 4 weeks. Listen. I brought my son up to be a gentleman: opens doors, pay for movie tickets, ensure the girl gets home safely.
So is that your daughter out there breaking his heart? In your house has she learned that it's OK to Skype for 5 hours a day, Snapchat love hearts constantly, say that all her friends think her new boyfriend is super hot, go on two dates and then. just. stop. talking.
If that is your daughter, could you tell her it's rude to decline an invitation because of illness, then fill your social media accounts with photos of you having fun with others.
If that is your daughter, please tell her when a young man phones and says he's sensing she's losing interest, it is kinder to say "Yes, sorry". rather than keep dangling a carrot, making him doubt his own intuition.
If that is your daughter, tell her I said my son was too good for her anyway.
Now I will go and cry in my room as I listen to my son crying in his.
10-06-2016 10:41 AM
That sounds really tough. Watching things happen from the outside and when your son's heart is breaking... it must be exceptionally tough. I can just imagine the feeling of wanting to jump in and fix it!
I remember how different everything felt as a teen – those hormones heightened everything! But it does sound like your son has also learnt to cope with tough situations in a healthy way. Although it's not a nice feeling to know that your son is crying in his room, it is an example of good emotional management (sometimes we all need to cry!) and I think you can be proud that you have also brought him up to manage setbacks like that.
If you're looking to help him develop more positive coping skills, like talking it out and knowing when to take a time-out, there's some tips here that might help.
Well done, Mitzi. You have done the best you can and even if he hasn't said it, I'm sure your son appreciates your empathic support.
10-06-2016 11:25 AM - edited 10-06-2016 11:32 AM
Thanks @Kalis. The social media trap is the worst. He asked me if it was mean to de-friend her as he was having problems dealing with seeing her so happy and obviously unaffected by the breakup. I explained we mostly put our happy, successful, carefree face on social media. I asked it he could "mute" her for a while. I reminded him of my own history of burning my bridges and not wanting him to make the same mistakes.
He said "I think I'm goig to remove her from Snapchat just for my own mental health".
Isn't he impressive? And Snapchat is the DEVIL
10-06-2016 01:05 PM
He is a world away from the 14-y-o anxious, depressed, timid boy he was 2 years ago thanks to a lot a work from our GP, a great psychologist and me trying :just listening instead of always trying to fix things for him.
10-07-2016 05:13 PM
Congratulations! @Mitzi your boy is growing!
With a daughter of the same age, I am glad you brought up your boy as a gentleman. However, my daughter is a feminist right now. She had not started dating yet, but she did ask a boy to formal and was invited back in return, even though she said that does not mean she wants to start something, she just feel girls should not wait to be asked: we have the right to seek our own pleasure. How does that sound?
10-13-2016 10:49 AM - edited 10-13-2016 10:52 AM
@Mitzi Sounds like you've raised a very lovely grounded young man. Unfortunetely break-ups can bring out the worst in even the most rational adult as I am sure we can all relate to! I can understand your protectiveness and upset with the young lady mentioned but perhaps there is more to the situation than it appears - we all deal with break ups differently - I know I've dealt with plenty of break ups badly over the years. Let's hope she learns from the experience too!
I can't imagine how hard it must be for children these days with every different social channel parading their lives in front of them post break-up.
10-18-2016 03:03 PM
haha @Mitzi those fierce mama bear instincts are alive and well. Glad to hear your son has bounced back. You should be very proud that he's survived his first break up with dignity and integrity. I hope he doesn't have too much heartbreak in his future, but we'll be here the next time he does, because let's face it, kids' heartbreak is parents' heartbreak too.
@readthemanual if you need me, I'll just be over here cheering on your teenage daughter and her feminist agenda.