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Obsession with watching birth

Obsession with watching birth

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Casual scribe
Memoryschild

Obsession with watching birth

my daughter is 12 and as long as I can remember back pre school age she has been obsessed with babies and birth. I was never taught to shy away from the topic and have been open and honest with her. - However i find that she will constantly google birth when she gets the opportunity and watch videos on YouTube. I have casually asked her about it- why she is so interested - she says she she doesn't know why she just is. I've explained to her my worries with pornography as she says she is not interested in that- she just is really interested in watching the baby come out!
I have to agree birth can be a magical moment but I always wonder should I be concerned or not? I've spoken to her about porn and why I don't want her googling but she says she is too interested- She will role play birth with barbies and with playing pretend birth with her sister (10) who goes along with it occasionally but isn't really interested?
Now I found a video of herself naked pretending to give birth - I really don't know how to tackle it - it's normal I know for her looking at her vulva and maybe even masterbating. but how should I talk to her about videos and dangers - please tell me this is absolutely normal??
Thanks in advance
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Mona-RO

Re: Obsession with watching birth

Hi @Memoryschild welcome to ReachOut! It's hard to assess whether your 12 year old's obsession with babies and child birth is 'normal' or not but the great thing is that you are both very open with each other. It seems like it's the foremost topic on her mind. Is she interested in other things or has other hobbies?

 

The one thing that got me worried was the video you found of her (the danger of it getting in the wrong hands). Maybe you could gently explain to her your worries of the video not remaining private and that you're very concerned for her safety. If you've already had a talk to her about pornography, there's a chance she'll understand your concerns. 

Casual scribe
Memoryschild

Re: Obsession with watching birth

Yes that's what red flagged it to me - however she may have been doing it to watch back herself and then delete it and I took the iPad away too soon. Planning to have the conversation on Monday when we have some one on one time planned but just not sure how to bring it up - or indeed how much to talk to her about - I don't want her to feel she had to hide or can't talk to me about stuff if she was looking at porn that would be easy - but watching graphic videos of women giving birth?? I just don't know if that's something I should say dont do it or just accept that in tribal cultures kids watching birth is totally normal no im worrying about nothing. I have asked her if she shows her friends these things or plays birth with her friends and got "omg no mum" but she constantly invites my youngest to play it and she is soooo not interested but will do it in exchange for my eldest agreeing to play one of her games - so I worry about that impact too
Mod
Mona-RO

Re: Obsession with watching birth

I think you may have to focus on your concern about her videos getting in the wrong hands and that childbirth is a grownup thing to do. Just from my personal point of view, while it may be okay for some children in tribal cultures to watch childbirth, it's not very common in other parts of the world so it makes sense you're uncomfortable with the situation. Clearly she does have a good sense of this not being common because she has not shared it with her friends. The conversation will be uncomfortable but the focus is on her wellbeing. You're not judging or punishing her.

Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Obsession with watching birth

Hi @Memoryschild, welcome to the forum. It's great that you have such open and honest communication with your daughter, that's always a bonus.

 

Have you considered talking to a pediatrician or a counsellor about your daughter's obsession? I'd be concerned about her privacy and safety taking such personal videos as well. Childbirth and pornography are very different things but am I correct in what I've understood that you feel there's not a clear separation here? 

 

Do the girls play 'birth' in your presence? Trust in your own intuition and if you're concerned about the impact on your youngest there is no harm in intervening if the little one doesn't want to play. 

 

I agree with @Mona-RO that your conversation might be uncomfortable, but it's about safety and wellbeing. Obsession over anything isn't healthy for any of us, and something I'd suggest looking into.

 

Good on you for reaching out for help. It's not always easy to do.

Casual scribe
Memoryschild

Re: Obsession with watching birth

I think it's the fact that pornography and childbirth are so different that makes me wonder if I SHOULD be worried or not. No they don't play it on front of me they kind of hide it. Trying to work out my conversation before I have it with her. Defiantly I begin with the risks of recording yourself then I move on to childbirth play and how hersister doesn't really enjoy it and that is probebly because childbirth is a very adult thing.
Then what do I say? Do I forbid her watching it? Do I punish her and remove all YouTube? Do I ask her to try and not watch it offi I just ignore it as it hurts no one?? That's where I'm really stuck now
Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Obsession with watching birth

Hey @Memoryschild, I'd be concerned that the play is hidden from you. How old is the younger daughter?

I don't think it's about punishing your daughter, but looking into the reasons she has this obsession and what healthy boundaries you can put in place. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parent Peer Supporter
taokat

Re: Obsession with watching birth

Hey @Memoryschild, just wanted to check in and see how things are. Were you able to come to any decision  as to how to approach the situation?