Share living with children

[Bec1991]

Hi everyone,
I have my 4 year old son 5 nights a week and my ex has him the remaining 2 nights. We have been separated since he was born.
My ex is looking to move in order to save money and it would be into a house with another single Dad (whom he knows through another friend) and his child. My son would have his own room and living area but all of them would share a kitchen and the stairs/access is located where my child would be residing in the lower level of the house.

I am not feeling great about this idea and am just feeling uneasy about it. I feel as though it would be safer and allow more structure overall for my son to remain living in an apartment together with his Dad.

Am I right to feel this way? There seems to be no stability in this and I guess I also don’t want this to turn into a house with rotating house mates etc.

Any feedback or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[Andrea-RO]

Hi @Bec1991!

That does sound like a really difficult situation, and I can understand why you would be feeling really conflicted about how to feel or what to do. I think often as parents we want to be able to know the people that our child is interacting with, especially if they are adults living with them. 

It might be a good idea to open up a conversation with your son's dad, and have a really honest conversation about how you both feel, what are the alternatives, and if there are any compromises that can be made on either side. Have you been able to talk to him about the situation at all?

[Bec1991]

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for your reply. Yes we have discussed it but both heavily disagree, hence my cry for help!

He thinks I’m being overprotective and I think he’s being too blasé. He’s thinking about what might be better for him both financially & emotionally. But perhaps not about what is best for our son.

I guess I’m just wondering is this a normal thing now? Because I don’t remember split family’s growing up living with other housemates? Mates or not?

Being separated since he was born is already quite out of the ordinary. Shouldn’t our jobs as parents be first and foremost to provide a place of safety, and familiarity within the home?