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Son has no incentive to go to school

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Son has no incentive to go to school

Prolific scribe

Re: Son has no incentive to go to school

How have things been going @hippychick? If you've got a moment we'd love to hear how things have progressed....
Prolific scribe

Re: Son has no incentive to go to school

Hi @hippychick,

Being a parent is the toughest job I've ever had!


What worked in my house? Still working on it, 14 y.o. was severely depressed last year and didn't want to go (anywhere). I focussed on maintaining routines: even if he needed a day off I'd get him to get dressed and ready for school. On a better day I'd get him to the school carpark before returning home. Finally I regularly got him just to sit in counselling just for an hour, looking at his laptop. Your son is actually going and studying, but I guess the idea for me was to keep reinforcing the routine: Mon-Fri you go to school.


I also made home boring. On a school day no XBOX, no internet, no phone. He could listen to music, read, exercise, etc, but no technology. If he went to school he cold sit there on his computer watching youtube and playing games, but not at home. At 16 that might be harder...


This year I focussed on getting him to love learning at school. I don't care about his grades or if he gets an assessment in on time (he does, but that's another story). So he can spend his time on whatever assessment takes his fancy. Yes, his grades are all over the place, but he has really taken to a few subjects. He used to hate science, now he comes up with questions about it at home without prompting. He still says he doesn't like it, but I can see he is thinking about it.


We also encouraged him to use tech that he likes for assessments. He enjoys making stop motion videos, so he has used that for a couple of assessments.


It is early days for us, but I can see progress.


As to the value of an education, I think it allows for more options in life. Sure, there are people who leave school at 15 and do fabulously well, but they are the exception. Most of us slog away while we try to work life out.


What about a year off and some volunteer work overseas? It can be life changing.


Super star contributor

Re: Son has no incentive to go to school

Hey @hippychick, school can such an issue for some kids. Mine had some social issues, but also completely unmotivated to work hard and study. I brought it up once and she told me she was highly motivated, just highly motivated to do nothing! 


She's now doing distance ed which has at least seen her re-engage at school. Despite her intelligence she is only doing middle school and as much as it irks me, I just have to be happy she is doing something, as she has missed A LOT of school due to refusal to attend. She gets to bored with the work, and see most of it as irrelevant to life. 


She's in Year 10 now and next year plans to leave school to do Pharmacy at TAFE. She just wants out of school so she can do something she wants to learn.


I'm sorry I don't have any tips for you, as I had no luck enforcing school myself, but I empathise and understand your concern.


I hope the Year 10 info night can give you some ideas. I think as long as they are thinking ahead and making some plans for future careers, it's a good sign. 


Hang in there!

Active scribe

Re: Son has no incentive to go to school

Homeschooling has become a big trend, and I think a lot of kids and parents are getting a great education doing it.  I’ve worked with a lot of kids who have been homeschooled and they’re very bright.  They also tell me they want to learn some of the skills that aren’t taught in school anymore, like leadership, dealing with challenges in life, and other personal and social skills.

When kids have a mentor or someone that believes in them and coaches them, it’s amazing how fast they can learn and excel!