Step Parenting

[Lisa11]

Hi, me two girls 14 and 17 partner triplets 8 yrs. We are clashing re my kids his kids. My kids F/T his kids one night a week. My kids live in a granny flat his are inside when at home. He constantly complains about everything my girls do or dont do. His kids leave light on no problems. My kids do massive issue. His kids must stay warm heaters on all the time, my kids he storms around house and says put a jumper on and turns off heating.  My girls cant have friends over when his kids are here ( so school hols for 7 nights no other friends allowed as his kids with us) . Last night my two daughters had friends over outside in there zone and he came storming in who is over. i said the girls have friends over collecting them to go out for dinner. Everything my girls do is a massive issue. I miss my girls and mine freedom when single i hung out and talked to there friends and i was happy to have there friends over as easy to keep eye on them. Partner is a little anxious and im very good at dealing with that. I have started to hide stuff from him as i don't want all the drama that comes with everything my kids do. My girls are very well behaved at times the younger can be lazy...

Question is how do i help my partner understand he is making me feel like im choosing between them, alienating kids, he makes no effort to hang with them he keeps saying oh they at that age, i dont know what to say. Well i never had boys and i make  a huge effort for his kids to feel comfortable and he gives mine nothing at all. I have so many eg i could go on forever. In all im looking at moving out. Try to keep our relationship going as i do love him dearly but the kids thing is crushing my spirit.

I had been in a DV relationship for 15 yrs previously. My girls dont see there dad. his decision not mine. Help.... any other step families know what i can do to save this situation.

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Lisa11 , thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry to hear that you have been having some issues with your partner about your shared children. I can't imgine how difficult that must be for you and your family. It sounds like this situation has been really hard for you as you are considering moving out. Have you been able to discuss your situation with anyone? I would strongly recommend it, as this is a big decision. If you are not feeling too comfortable sharing it with anyone that is close to you, there is always the option of calling up and speaking to a trained counsellor. One helpline that you can call to get some advice and support from is Parentline. We also offer a one-on-one support service that you can access to speak to a trained counsellor for some advice and support. Here is a link for some further information if you are interested. I hope that you find these resources to be helpful. Please feel free to keep us updated here on the forums