Stepdaughter told us she is transgender

[pru696]

My step-daughter has told me and her dad (my fiance) that she feels more like a boy. My partner is scared of loosing his little girl. How do I support them from here?

[taokat]

Hi @pru696, welcome to the forum. You are clearly a very loving and supportive stepmum and your stepdaughter and fiancé are lucky to have you in their team 

I can imagine the fears your fiancé has and resources such as QLife and Twenty 10 that can provide some specialised support for families with teens negotiating gender identity, and teens themselves. 

I don’t have any personal experience to share myself but you are not alone - I’ve linked you in with another post here that you might find helpful to have a read through. 

Let us know how you get on 

[Breez-RO]

Hey @pru696 welcome to the forums. How old is your step-daughter currently? It can be a really hard transition for parents, but it's so positive to hear you want to figure out how to support her in the journey. Pronouns are really important throughout the whole process for the young person, and @taokat mentioned some wonderful resources. There's also parents of gender diverse children [click here], which can provide you with some tailored support.

Please let us know how your step-daughter and Fiance are getting on.

[pru696]

My step-daughter is currently 14 and also sees headspace for issues with her alcoholic mother.

My partners is not pushing the topic but is happy for his daughter to talk about it with us openly.

[pru696]

I tried to use qlife but it kept timing out. Ill try again tonight.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @pru696,

You mentioned that your partner is not pushing their child, but is also there if and when they want to talk to him. Creating these safe spaces for teens where they have a sense of security in that relationship, where the environment is open and where they can have a choice in when they have discussions about gender is so important, and it's really great to hear that this is happening in your home 

I would definitely recommend trying Qlife again, I know that their service has really supported a lot of families on this forum. Let us know how you go with them 

[provincetown]

As a parent of a transgender 20-something, it's important for your partner to recognize that he doesn't have little girl. He never did. There may be a place for some grief, which isn't shared with your trans son, but there is a strong need to accept and support them. Unfortunately, society is against them and they need their parents in their corner to make it all work. 

To keep the door open, let your son lead the way. Ask for the ways that you can support him. Tell them that you are probably going to make mistakes. Be curious about the trans world, and learn about the kinds of joys and challenges trans people face. 

Is your son visibly transitioning yet? Go clothes shopping. Celebrate their strength to truly know themselves.

[Breez-RO]

What a beautiful post @provincetown