12-12-2017 01:08 PM - last edited on 12-12-2017 03:00 PM by Nick-RO
My 13 yr old daughter has a 14 yr old friend whose mum lets her have teenboys sleep over at her house. I don't believe this is appropriate for my girl as things could happen that shes too young for. How do I explain this to her. She keeps saying theres nothing wrong because they're only friends. And also how do I get her to understand that she cant stay at the friends house anymore? TY
12-12-2017 02:56 PM - edited 12-12-2017 02:58 PM
Hi @MelissaJane and welcome to the forums!
Thanks so much for posting your story and question – there are a wealth of parents on this site who have all had to face the questions that you are asking yourself right now around setting boundaries and I’m sure that you will get some really great insights from how they dealt with them!
Your concerns seem really valid and the ‘rules’ that you are considering do seem to be in the interest of your daughter’s well being!
This article from ReachOut is a really useful jumping off point for when and how to have conversations around setting boundaries, but also why they are so important for the development of your daughter. They might give you some really good tips for how to get the conversation started.
Check out the article by following this link.
The other thing I wanted to suggest is ReachOut Parents Coaching. The service offers free, online one-on-one advice for parents and can focus on your specific concerns like how to communicate these boundaries more effectively.
You can click here to check it out and see if you think it might be helpful.
Let me know if any of these are of interest!
12-12-2017 05:58 PM
Hi @MelissaJane, welcome to the forum, it's great to have you here.
It can be difficult to get our kids to understand why we set the boundaries we do in our homes, especially when those boundaries differ from those of their close friends. The link @Nick-RO provided gives some great info so I'd also recommend having a read.
I find having open and honest talks with my daughter about my concerns really helps. It helps her understand the reasoning behind why these boundaries are in place, but it also gives me great insight into where she is at and how she thinks about things. Would you feel comfotable about having a talk with your daughter about why you're not comfortable with her having sleepovers where there are boys present? It might be a great opportunity to have a conversation about boys, sex, and appropriate and inappropriate interactions with boys? That may help in getting her to understand the reasons why she can't stay at her friends anymore.
Would you be happy for her to still have sleepovers there if there were no boys, just the girls? If you were you could maybe contact the other mother to see who will be at the sleepover.
I've been lucky in that my daughter went to an all girls school, so we've only had girls in the friendship group. Your daughter is young and it's very clear that you have her best interests at heart which is great, she's very lucky (although she might not see it that way right now!). If you can remain calm, answer any questions your daughter may have, but not get into explaining yourself over and over, and remain firm in your decision, she will come to accept the boundaries you set.
Good on you for being diligent and for reaching out for support on how to handle this situation. Parenting can be such a tough job and we just want to get it right for them.
Let us know how you get on!
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