10-16-2020 12:06 PM
Hi everyone, thank you for reading.
My son is just about to turn 12. Throughout his whole school career he is regularly getting in trouble at school for silly things. He's not a bully, he doesn't hurt other students but he is the class clown. He is very intelligent and gets through his work faster than the other kids. He is one of the most popular kids in his school and next year he will be attending high school at a different site and even a lot of the kids there know who is. The best way I can describe him is that is very very similar to Bart Simpson. He's not trying to be Bart Simpson as he wouldn't even know who he is but that's what he's like. He doesn't think before he does something. He likes annoying people, he's a big show off, he's not fazed by punishments and he likes to push people patience. He does know though when he's pushed things too far coz then he will come and give me cuddles, do something nice for me, behave well for a couple days then he's back to his annoying self. We took him to a phycologist and they assessed him and they said he's a very happy and confident child (even to confident). We just don't know how to change his ways. We want him to stop messing around and annoying people. He's been like this all his life. Part of me just thinks this is just who he is and no matter what we try nothing will change him. He gets in trouble about 4 times a week at school. He's not like this all the time, just a lot of the time. Im really worried for next year in high school because they don't have time for kids like this and Im worried he will get left behind in the system because they won't have time to babysit his behaviour.
10-16-2020 02:15 PM
Thanks for posting and giving such an informative idea of what's going on for you and your family at the moment. I understand that your sons behaviour is making you concerned for his future and what this will mean for him going to high school, have you spoken to his current school about these concerns? Have you found his school to be helpful in talking about his behaviours?
I'm also wondering if when you went to see the psychologist if they had any recommendations for you? I understand they assessed him, did they say there was anything in particular to be concerned about?
I'm not sure if this is helpful, but speaking from my own experience - I was definitely a little trouble-maker/class clown/Bart Simpson type in primary school, and going to high school really sorted me out. I became much more responsible about my learning and engaged in my schooling in a more meaningful way. Not saying this will definitely be the case for your family, everyone is different of course, but thought I could share my experience of how the change in environment helped me mature
10-16-2020 03:11 PM
We have spoken to the teacher... well what I should say is the teacher has spoken to us numerous times. No matter what we do or what punishment we put in place it doesn't help. He will behave for a few days then go back to his normal self. I think it's just his personality and we just have to wait until he grows out of it but what happens if he doesn't. He's such a smart kid academically and he has the ability to think outside the box in so many situations so I am worried he is just going to throw all his potential away. I can't see him ever breaking the law, he just wants to have fun all the time. The phycologist just showed us ways how to speak more effectively with him, to make him make the choices of his behaviour and chose the consequences. The school isn't doing much at all. He's an A grade math student and finishes his work in 5 minutes when it takes other student 40 mins so I said to the teacher give him the next level math, get him more prepared for high school but the teacher is too lazy to do that. So in the 35 mins my son is waiting for the other kids to catch up, he messes around because he is bored and interrupts the class. The teacher gets angry, kicks him out of the class and then my son looses his lunch play, has to sit on the bench outside the office. Tomorrow will be the same thing. My son won't think to do some quiet reading or to start another task. He is also lazy in class. Doesn't want to learn unless it's something he is interested in, like math or sport. . He is also extremely sociable, hates being by himself. He just wants to play, annoy people and have fun.
10-16-2020 06:37 PM
That does sound like a really tough situation...most kids would struggle to have to sit quietly without anything to do for half an hour, and it sounds like that your son in generally is someone who likes to have of activity to engage him.
I'm sorry to hear the school hasn't been much help, and it doesn't really seem reasonable that they would expect you to manage your son's behaviour without putting any changes in place themselves to support your son while he is in class.
I think it is hard because at the end of the day we can't really control or change anyone's behaviour, we can only really respond to what they do and try to get them to understand there are consequences and enforce those consequences when it's needed like the psychologist said. If your son understands the consequence to his behaviour is time-out, things like that and he's still not wanting to change, I think it would be hard to do much beyond that besides maybe finding other ways to motivate him to change, possibly working with a psychologist? And similarly maybe your son's teacher has to come to that point where if she's not willing to work with your son to implement other activities to engage him, it's likely he will keep acting out like this.