Vent: teens, and responsibility and electronics

[1TiredMom]

My second teen is 14 and I feel like every day is a war zone. It ranges from battles about homework assignments, disrespect, forgetting about appointments to gaming too much. Constantly, there is a win acknowledged, but the reality is that parenting him is really miserable. It is more so because everywhere we turn, there is a cancellation so we are just stuck with him at home...all of us avoiding each other....being miserable. So he just got his door back, but no gaming computer, no television, no YouTube, and because he is not allowed to do sports, he sits in his room bouncing a ball off his wall for 8 hours. Does any body cringe around their teen or try to avoid their teen altogether?

[Birdwings]

Hi 1 Tired Mom,

I am also parenting a 14 year old daughter, as well as  a 16 year old son. 2020 wasn't the greatest year with our 14 year old. She withdrew for a few months, so there wasn't a lot of confrontation or arguments. More distance. We're having real trouble getting either of our kids to do just about anything, and they're both quick to order us around and expect us to jump. Our son has threatened to self-harm or take his life when he doesn't get his way, which naturally makes me very concerned and I'm always walking on egg shells. Yet, at the same time, I know I'm being manipulated and that he's not playing fair. We had a recent crisis which ended up at the ED and we're still in the midst of following up with professionals. Like your son, he's also into gaming and it seems to produce or encourage inertia. 

We find it particularly difficult to get the kids to do their chores and my husband gets angry, I feel hurt and the kids don't change, just seem oblivious. They don't seem to care about us at times. I wouldn't way it's constant, but it would be nice for them to think about whether we might need a kind word, some encouragement or shock horror...a birthday present or Christmas gift. 

So, to answer your question about whether other parents are feeling negative about their teens, the answer is yes, although they each have some very strong redeeming features which raise me up and encourage me. 

Hang in there and care care.

Best wishes,

Birdwings

[1TiredMom]

Well- we reached our boiling point and he is at somebody else's house right now. We needed a break. Thank you for your kind reply....I knew there were dark days, but the reaction, lack of one, etc. to Covid makes this obscene.

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @1TiredMom, I am sorry to hear about the challenges you have been going through with your son. Sounds like things have been really tough for everyone lately. Have you had the chance to talk to anyone about the behavioural issues that you have been experiencing with your son? Would it be helpful to seek some support from your sons school, such as a counsellor? They might be able to work with you and your son to address some of these issues.

[Sophia-RO]

It sounds like things have been difficult for you and your family lately @Birdwings. Have you been able to get some professional support during these times? Sorry to hear about the recent ED visit, sounds like that would have been quite hard to go through. You mentioned that you are still following up and engaging with professionals, I hope that they are supporting you and your family well through these times. Hope that everyone is managing well after the ED visit

[Janine-RO]

HI @Birdwings  and @1TiredMom , 

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences here. I think that it really shows how challenging this year has been for so many parents, and I think there would be a lot of parents who could really relate to  having times where parenting feels just incredibly hard - I think that a lot of people could relate to having those moments where you love your kids, but you're struggling to like them all of the time. @1TiredMom  are you still experiencing restrictions due to covid where you are? It can definitely be really rough on everyone when you're all cooped up together, without your usual coping mechanisms. I don't know if this would help at all, but we do have some resources on our Parents page on ways to help your child stick to a routine during covid-19. I know that when my oldest child was homeschooling, having a bit of a routine that included some exercise really helped us to all cope a bit better- I've linked to that article and resources here if you think it might be helpful. 

It sounds like everyone having a bit of a break from each other might have been a good thing, how are you feeling today? 

@Birdwings  I'm so sorry to hear that you recently ended up in the ED, that must have been such a stressful experience for you all. Are you happy with the professional supports that you have in place now? That feeling of walking on eggshells sounds like it would be really exhausting   

It sounds like it's been a really trying and exhausting year for you and your family, have you been able to take any time over the break to relax and recharge at all?