What do you do when your girl or boy starts dating?

[readthemanual]

My girl is turning 16. A couple of her friends are already dating. As a parent, what shall we do when our children start dating/relationship?

I am prepared to drive her around as I do for her music lessons etc. What else do I do? I get to pick the music teacher though, but won't be picking her boy friend I assume.

No experience at all as I was very late in this sort of things when I was young.

[HalleysComet · Accepted solution]

It's great you are being proactive!

I thought this article had some good advice 

They said:
- Don’t judge a book by the cover
- Include them in plans that involve the family (If she's up for it)
- Be yourself
- Make your expectations and your house rules clear beforehand
- However, give them space
- Never discipline, belittle or argue with your daughter in front of the boyfriend/girlfriend
- Do not compare her relationships to any of yours
- Never ask her to choose between you and the boyfriend/girlfriend
- Do not compare him/her to her previous boyfriends/girlfriends
- Be supportive if things fall apart!

[Poppa_bear]

Hi Readthe manual

This is where we have to try to trust their judgement. I know I'm a dad but when my girl started dating I sat her down and , didn't lecture, discussed the issues that I was concerned about that would affect her. I brought up the ugly issues of what boys are after, pregnancy , you know the rest.. The biggest thing I impressed upon her was to not be pressured into doing something she didn't want to do.. Until she was a little older I set a time to be home and eventually I meet him.. She knew to carry her phone so she could call me to come get her, no matter what the time was.
I hope this helps you a bit and good luck

[Sophie-RO]

I think Poppa_bear has some good ideas - communication is key... Listen to where she's at with it all - what's she thinking/expecting?

You might not get to choose who she dates, but you can talk about the type of qualities she's looking out for in a potential partner (respect, good listener, shared values etc)

Has she opened up to you about it at all yet @readthemanual?

[readthemanual]

@Poppa_bear@Sophie-RO

Thank you both for your suggestions. Yes, she is open with me and she is not into it yet, I am just preparing myself.

I guess I have to tell her that I need to see him before anything serious. I am friendly with her girl friends for now. I hope same will happen with boys.

[HalleysComet · Accepted solution]

It's great you are being proactive!

I thought this article had some good advice 

They said:
- Don’t judge a book by the cover
- Include them in plans that involve the family (If she's up for it)
- Be yourself
- Make your expectations and your house rules clear beforehand
- However, give them space
- Never discipline, belittle or argue with your daughter in front of the boyfriend/girlfriend
- Do not compare her relationships to any of yours
- Never ask her to choose between you and the boyfriend/girlfriend
- Do not compare him/her to her previous boyfriends/girlfriends
- Be supportive if things fall apart!

[Murgatroyd]

Lots of great suggestions from everyone. You can posibly use her friends' experiences to start the conversation early. Not to judge but to explore subjects like respectful relationships, and safe sex.

[Manly123]

Hi Poopa Bear

  Had similar discussion with her .Any ideas/experience with leaving 15 year old daughter with new boyfriend at home alone -even during the day. I do trust her. Has had lots of male friends but 1st boyfriend 

[Luula]

Hey @Manly123, how did that initial discussion go? It's hard to get the balance right of trusting your teen but also still putting boundaries in place to keep her safe. 

@Zoesplace @motherbear do you have any ideas or experience you can share here?