When a kid should complain to a teacher?

[SHAAF]

Hi Everyone

I want to teacher my 4 teen agers, to when to complain to the teacher. One of my kid always complaint to teacher and therefore his complains are not taken care of. Another child of mine never complain and therefore gets depressed by other children. I want to know if there is any article on the net which I can handover to kids so that they can learn the art of complaining and when to complain and when not to.

Thanks

[PapaBill]

hi @SHAAF 

Interesting question when is appropriate for a child to complain?

IMHO you would have to look at what the issue specifically as well as each child.   

If you have a child who is always "complaining" there is multiple possible reasons

• is it attention seeking behaviour
• are they struggling in class
• is there a peer they are having issues with
• is their problematic behaviours not been addressed in the class room

Try to find out what the driver of the behaviour.  Then you can understand it and look to address it.

If you have a child who is never "complaining" you need to understand if there is an issue there

• is the teacher approachable
• does your child believe it is an issue that needs to be addressed via the teacher
• is there internal issues that need to be assisted with
• is there peer relationship issues

I am not sure what guide there is to be learning the "Art of Complaining".

Complaining has a negative connotation and most self help will stay away from encouraging
"complaining".  Rather they will seek to assist with

• building confidence
• building communication skills
• building self reliance
• building good relationships
• how to get assistance from teachers 
• etc
• etc

[Besttrakom]

I think a kid should complain every time he feels bullied. It cannot happen at school and kinds should know they have a backup

[PapaBill]

hi @Besttrakom 

I agree children should be able to get support and assistance when ever bullying occurs.  

Bullying an be incredibly destructive to children and unfortunately it is often those it most effects who are targeted.

Bullying can result in long term damage to children and teaching them how to deal with it, including how to get assistance from adults is critical function of teachers and adults in our education system.

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @SHAAF and thank you for reaching out to our parent community!

Knowing when to represent your perspective in a school environment is a real learning curve for young people, particularly when they are still learning their personal boundaries and finding confidence in their voice.

I think @PapaBill has given some great suggestions around understanding some of the underlying issues happening in the classroom settings. There is no hard and fast rule, but potentially troubleshooting and discussing issues together, and supporting your teens to work together on a course of action may help to enable their decision making capacity when it comes to reporting or not reporting to a teacher. 

@Besttrakom I also agree that when there is bullying involved, supporting teens to find their voice is really important.

Can you tell us a bit more about your teens @SHAAF? How are they going at school? Do they have good support/friendships with their peers? 

[JAKGR8]

This is tricky as you are trying to teach your children to be resilient and independent, yet they also need to know when enough is enough. Is this just about bullying behaviour or also asking for help academically?

@PapaBill  has excellent suggestions. 

You might also like to go through the steps involved before reporting any issue. Bullying or academic. You have probably seen this before because it actually works. and don't let them tell you it is babyish. This works with adults as well. 

Step 1 - talk friendly

Step 2 - talk firmly

Step 3 - warn

Step 4 - ignore/walk away

Step 5 - report. 

How does this work for your kids. 

1. Use a calm voice.

   Maintain eye contact.

   Maintain confident body language.

   Use I" statements eg. "I feel upset when you don't speak nicely to me.;

   ' Maintain relatively close body proximity

   Ha ha whatever...I'm sorry your day is going so badly you feel the need to pick on me. Maybe find out if they really are the cause of a problem. 
2. ' Use assertive voice, slightly raised.

   Tell them to stop

   ' Restate 'I" statement e.g "Please do not speak to me like"

   "I don't like the way you're talking to me, try again." Stop. 

3. Pretend you did not hear it.

   Do not make eye contact.

   Maintain positive body posture. (calm, confident)

   Think positive self- esteem statements.

   Count to five in your head slowly

   Take deep breaths.

   Stand tall, head up high.

   Mouth closed.

   Walk towards a safe zone - teacher on duty.

   Do not look back

   Walk confidently, do not run.

   Engage with someone or something else.  

4. Warn that you will report to a staff  member if the behaviour continues. If you persist, I will tell that teacher or name a person of respect. 

5. Walk away and tell a staff member.

   Go to a safe area.

   Give the exact facts to the teacher.

This may happen over a matter of minutes or days. Ensure your children know the difference between bullying and unkind behaviour. They should be able to deal with unkind behaviour themselves.

This is not easy to learn overnight as it needs to be practised. You can do it in the car, at the dinner table, in tv ads, at bed time... Just a quick practise about different situations with kids, teachers, you, family etc. 

How to use it academically? Same as above but with a different agenda.

1. Sir I have tried this, this and this and I still can't figure it out.  The 'this' part if very important to teachers. They need to know that a reasonable attempt has been made. 
2. Miss, I tried another way and I asked Jack for help and I'm still struggling. Can you help me now/soon? 
3. Ignore doesn't quite work unless the teacher is having a hissy fit at the whole class or repeating themselves. 
4. Sir do I need to ask Mum, Head of Yr 8, Head of Curriculum or Deputy for help? 
5. Ask someone higher up the chain for assistance.

High school teachers are often not able to be proactive with social situations etc as they frequently don't see the students again that day but that doesn't mean they shouldn't try. 

https://www.michellemitchell.org/new-blog/handlebullies-everydayresilience

I am going to leave it there as it sounds like you have a lot to think about. Let me know how it goes. Cheers

[sivaruthvik90]

complete suggestion, thank you