Introduced my now 11 yr old girl to my partner and her daughter 4 years ago need help

[Youwish]

I introduced my now 11 year old daughter to my partner their daughter almost 4 and a half years ago and still my daughter wants nothing to do with my future partner. My daughter visits me every second weekend and I'm having to go to the local shops to have my vist as she doesn't want to spend time with all of us together. I took it very slow I introduced my partner as a friend I did everything a expect would advise yet still nothing. The children had so much fun when they hung out but out of no where my daughter said do I have to like them. It's hard on me because I see myself with this person for the rest of my life and it's complicating things as I'm putting of my wedding due to her feelings and some what staff offish actions. I'm at a cross road I don't know what else to do

[Dem--RO]

Hi @Youwish and welcome to the Parents Forum, we hope that you find the support you are looking for 

I'm really sorry that this has turned into such a difficult situation for you, and I can understand how frustrating it must be, especially since you are having to put off your wedding!

Blended families can have their challenges, and if you're up for a bit of reading, this article may have some tips you can try as a starting point.

Can I ask what sort of supports you currently have in place other than your partner? If you feel that you would like to talk this out with someone, Parentline NSW is a really good resource that offers free phone counselling. 

Relationships Australia is another good resource for counselling, and their Adolescent Family Therapy or Family Therapy options may be of interest to you.

As stressful as this is, please remember to take some time to take care of yourself 

[Youwish]

Hi thanks for replying.. I don't have a great relationship with my family and there the ones who have custody of my daughter until she is 18. I made mistakes when I was younger and at 31 years of age I am still making up for them. I've gone to mediation to increase time with my daughter and I got what I was asking for .. But what it boils down to is my daughter suffers from odd and social anxiety not to mention absolutely terrified of everything life has including animals painting making cakes etc it really sucks. I know me not being a loud in her life back then has impacted her and believe me I take full responsibility for time lost. I'm at a cross roads I have spoken to professionals who have told me how to approach introducing my child to my now partner of 4 years and it worked for some time but out of bo where her behaviour towards me and my entire family has shifted. I thought her having a girl her age who has gone through the same things as her would have been amazing but its turned into her not wanting to visit me at my house my partner having to drop me off some place and pick me back up again not long after each and this happens every time I see her. And when my family member finally gets her to come snd vist me at my house or speak to me on the phone it's very cold . I have tried speaking with her and reassuring her I'm not going anywhere it's okay to feel the way you do it's all a bit much snd still nothing. I know as parents we have to take our child's feelings into consideration but it's been 4 long and painful years. My partner is the reason I have reunited with my child and no longer suffer with my addictions. I just don't know what else to do

[Courtney-RO]

Hi @Youwish thank you for getting back to us and sharing more about what has been going on for you.

I’m so sorry to hear that you have been experiencing this, it sounds like it has been a very difficult and challenging time for you all. I can tell how much you care about both your daughter and your partner and can only imagine how hard it must be that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with them. It sounds like a lot to be going through right now, especially without the support of your family. Do you mind me asking what your relationship was like with your daughter before your partner?

You mentioned that you had spoken to professionals who gave you ideas on how to approach the situation but that they only worked for some time. I am wondering if something happened that might have caused this shift in behaviour?

I am mindful of the impact this must be having on you, so I am just wondering if there is someone that you might feel comfortable talking to about this? If you would like to talk to someone, Relationships Australia is a great support service that might be able to help you work out your next steps.

I thought it might also be worth mentioning that ReachOut offers free one-on-one support with an experienced professional for parents looking to navigate parenting. You can find more information on this service here if this is something you might be interested in. 

The Raising Children's Network also has a number of great articles on co-parenting, talking about tough topics with children and even a list of support services. Do you think these might be helpful at all?

I also just wanted to remind you that you are doing such a great job, despite all these troubles.

We are all here for you.