06-27-2017 07:16 PM
Hi @Debbr29 welcome to ReachOut Parents.
I can only imagine how hard this situation is for you to deal with, it can not be easy being pushed out of your son's life this way.
Not having been in a situation like this, it is hard for me to even imagine how I would cope, react or even attempt to make contact with him.
As @Ngaio-RO said, all you can do is keep trying, and maybe one day when his girlfriend is no longer a strong influence he will make contact.
06-28-2017 10:20 AM
@Debbr29 I am reading your posts and replies and ... hear your pain and feeling of hopelessness of the situation. I also hear your care and love of your son after the fight which appears to have had distressing consequences for you. I can offer no advice other than the letters/email/text/privtae social media/ whichever your son uses - to tell him regularly the same, tell him stories of what is happening in your families lives too - keep the lines open if only from your side. Yes nothing wrong that he knows you love him, and he's welcome to visit, contact when he is ready. A parents love is unconditional and situations test us with keeping present with this, our strength is in our humbleness to forever LOVE. Rights and wrongs exist as judgements, no meaning to offend believe me, keep the love open and communication be it one sided. There may be a moment in the future where contact is made, wouldn't it be great for your son to feel no matter the past that he has a place of belonging in his tribe still.
I cannot imagine the hurt you and yours feel, also being in touch here is a great release for ways to cope, to vent and to simply have a place of being heard from many from lived experiences.
My heart is with you ... dare I say I adore the idea of mediation relationships Australia and lots of church based programmes exist, even if sending an olive branch to your son together with updates from your tribe, he will feel the love he has still ... a distant connection to home.
I wish you well .
06-28-2017 10:25 AM
@Debbr29 on another note ... a 16 yr old needs parental permissions for significant major life decisions, home, school, job and health. Writing also to acknowledge his choices in these areas, and his new found growth of taking responsibility of self so early in his - offer the olive branch if he has any needs not met, and also to keep open the understanding you have of his life and the wish to be in the know even of address, school, employer and health as I am sure you have already.
Distance parenting is challenge for sure, if you could change you would, if you cannot bring your strength to keep you and yours as balanced as you can, keeping the home fires burning - he's not forgotten, he is still loved.
06-28-2017 12:59 PM
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