Hi Everyone,
Thought I'd better introduce myself, even though I've already done a few posts. After a few efforts of trying to select a name for myself, I entered "Birdwings" which is a poem by Rumi who is often referred to in motivational quotes.
1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh?
We have a 16 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. They're going well over all but I have a chronic/acute medical/disability situation and they've experienced trauma and stress over the years from that, and it's putting us under additional stress during Covid.
Our son may be laugh the other day. We're desperately trying to clear stuff out of the house and yard. However, it was council clean-up and he arrived home with two lawn mowers, a couple of dead laptops which he was going to pull apart for parts and an empty KFC bucket on his head.
My daughter and I laughed about a crazy cake I made.
2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down?
I try to keep my finger on the pulse and have a sense of what's going on with the kids. What's going on with them and their friends. I'm friends with some of their friends' parents. Being part of community and informed, a bit of research now and then. Organisation is a problem for us but trying to keep on top of that helps reduce stress. Routines have been thrown out or seriously disrupted this year and we're not good at it anyway. Currently weighing up moving to something more rigid versus being flexible. Things are constantly changing here, so having a solid, inflexible schedule might not be a good idea anyway. We're also working on setting some firmer boundaries in place for our daughter. She's been fobbing us off and walking around at night with her friends and getting home really late. It's reigned in now because her friend was grounded but she can be pretty strong-willed. I'm trying to move gently rather than "putting my foot down". Knowing she's home reduces a lot of stress. As does good communication with the kids and I watched a Reach Out video on this the other night which was very helpful.
In terms of self-care, I tend to go walking a long the beach or through the bush and also doing photography. Last week, I photographed a bunch of waratahs in our local National Park, which were growing just next to the road. They were magnificent. I also like to get out for coffee, which has been complicated by covid this year. I usually see a lot of my friend on a more casual basis revolving around the kids' activities instead of something more formal.
I also play violin and piano which are sometimes relaxing and therapeutic and something frustrating when I make mistakes.
We also have three dogs and they're relaxing.
3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today?
I found the parents forum last week. I've referred to Reach Out a few times over the years. This time I was looking up for advice as a friend of my daughter's has left home and is camping on the beach and couch surfing and I wanted to let her know about reach Out for her friend.
I've been back to the parent forum because I like it's anonymity and being able to connect with people who don't know me in real life. I've also found that there were people in the forum who have problems we've experienced in the past who I could help. Or, that I could break down someone else's situation relatively easily while my own appears quite complex and I'm in my own fog. As I said before, I'm also missing connecting with my local friends due to covid.
4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years?
As a child my mother used to say to me: "Never turn your back on the sea", and I think that's very true of teenagers. Where you could send your kids to after school care etc in primary school, those supports aren't there in high school. So, keeping your teens busy is important and ideally something where they'll make friends like a sport, scouts/guides, dance, band, youth group. Having a group of friends and adults they can turn to outside your family and outside school. hat way, if they're difficulties in one pond, they can turn to another for support. I also think it's great if you can know and be in touch with their friends' parents. We've lived in the same house now for almost 20 years and my kids have friends they've know since they were babies at playgroup. Communication is also really important and don't presume to know what's going on. Listen. Observe. Maintain family meals and driving them places.
That's multiple tips, but I think being well resourced is always important for parents no matter how old your kids are. That's not to be a helicopter parent. This allows you to sit further back and be more subtle and hopefully more effective...and have more time for yourself.
5. Whats the best thing about weekends?
Weekends aren't particularly special at the moment for us. My husband is working from home due to covid and my daughter spends Saturdays at dancing. Try to have a family meal at least one of those nights. Friday nights my husband and I usually have to ourselves, which is nice.
I think this question is challenging me to make the weekends more special again.
Thanks you very much for reading.
Best wishes,
Birdwings
I love that your family use humour in high stress situations, I find that a bit of dark humour can be a lifesaver at times! It's great that you're able to talk to your husband about stressful situations. It's great to have you here on the Parents community, and I hope it can be a good outlet for you 
