New member? Introduce yourself here!

[flowerss706]

hi I'm Helena i have a fifteen year old step son with ADHD just wondering what the next steps for him are going to be. He is aggressive when asked to complete tasks, he cannot be trusted to when in his own time as this usually involved fighting with school friends, vulnerable to drug dealers etc amongst many other problems.  now with covid and home schooling he is running rings round us in terms of computing 

grrrrrrr Helppppppppp

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @flowerss706, welcome to ReachOut and thank you for sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you are really struggling at the moment. It can be difficult to manage these behaviours, not to mention experiencing COVID and home schooling on top of it. I am wondering if you have sought any professional help before?

Just so you know, you are most welcome to make your own thread to further share your story. This can sometimes generate a larger response from other parents on here as you can choose your own title with prominent keywords. You can do this by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right hand corner. Please keep us updated

[mia123]

Looking for support for my 16yo who is refusing to go to high school. I found this group through Google search. The situation is stressful for my 16yo and our family. Very tough right now.

[Anonymous]

Hi

Thank you for letting us join your group.

I took retirement/redundancy last year and my husband is retiring at the end of this year.

We have two lovely adult children a son and a daughter. We are extremely proud of both of them. My husband and I tried to bring them up to be level headed, kind people which luckily they have turned out to be.

Our daughter, husband and two children leave nearby, their marriage is up and down but on the whole they are ok.
Our son and his wife emigrated 12 years ago.  They have done very well financially, have two beautiful children age 4 and 7 and lovely house. We try to get over to see them every year or so.

Last weekend our whole world was blown apart.  We are desperate and don’t know who to turn to.  I scoured the internet to find some sort of forum to help parents I’d grown up children who are going through hell and today thankfully I found your forum 

As this is an introduction I’m not sure if this is the right time to go into detail so I will wait to see if I get a reply before going any further,

Thank you for reading my post 

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Anonymous , welcome to our forums, it is really nice to have you here! 

I'm so sorry to hear that your family has been going through what sounds like a really difficult time lately - if you feel comfortable sharing a bit more about what has been happening for you, this is a really supportive and safe community. This board is a great place to start if you're wanting to make a post about what's been happening and get some support from the community. 

All the best, 

Janine

[vanb73]

Hi @mia123 ,

I understand where you're coming from, I'm currently in the same situation as you with my 15 yo daughter. My eldest daughter had the same problem at 16 too. I think this could be school related anxiety. Your daughter may put a lot of pressure on herself to achieve well academically which is causing her to go into emotional overload and is suffering from very high anxiety while at school. I suggest that your family takes this slow, as trying to force her back into school may take a toll on your relationship and cause her to breakdown. I think what she needs is time and space. Ask her what you can do for her and try support but from a distance. I know this is incredibly hard as it goes against all your motherly instincts but it will save your family from an immense amount of stress and hardship. Try get her to complete her studies from home while you find someone she can receive counselling from then slowly integrate her back into school once she is ready. Please feel free to message me as I too am figuring this out. Just try stay positive and know that everything is going to work out. You're doing great!

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @vanb73, welcome to our forums and thank you for sharing your experience. We really love when members come together to support one another with their insight and learnings. If you'd like to share more of your story, please feel free to do so. If you'd like, you can create your own thread by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right corner. I am sure the community would love to know more about how you have been managing your daughter's anxiety and schooling

[Kat70]

Hi. I am a single mum with 2 kids. I have raised my kids by myself for the last 10 years, since their father went back to our country and we never saw him again. 

My kids are 16 and 15, lovely kids. We love going to the beach with the dog, joking and spending quality time together. 

I work a lot, but I try to share time with my friends and exercise to keep stress down.

I am in this forum because I have been having hard time with my kids. One suffers depression and anxiety, already in treatment, and I just discovered that the youngest one has been self-harming and drinking secretly. 

At least, they trust me and this is out now. And we will go through this. However, I feel mentally drained and physically exhausted. So I joined this group to learn from others and understand that I am not the only one going through hard times with my kids.

I love the weekends since I can spend more time with my kids and my friends. 

[mia123]

Goodness! The experience of single parenting and caring for children is probably one of the most difficult. Your situation sounds somewhat similar to my own with each family member struggling with one kind of personal trouble or another. I'm leaving out gory details but I learned through years of therapy and counselling, there is always a trigger. For us, it came down to feelings of abandonment from a father and husband who chose to remove himself from the family. Again, I'm leaving out gory details. While it made sense to me that the kids would experience this, it didn't dawn on me that I would, given the deteriorated state of our marriage and my willingness to accept separation. But it turned out that I grieved that loss of family more than I thought and in doing so only concentrated on the kid's well-being. I went to the gym to clear my thoughts and that still works for me. I added meditation, which I suck at and have no patience for at the best of times. When I actually thought about this, I realised that I wasn't prepared to sit through the mental process of being 'still' in order to gain a semblance of peace or clarity. Children are important. I understand now, that in order to help them, I needed to help myself mentally. There are lots of resources about meditation. I also enjoy going to the beach and will often use that time to think and create some kind of order in my mind if I feel messed up. I've cried a lot and found reason to smile. I know this of your situation, because I've been through this experience, is that you're stronger than you think and coming here is proof of that. 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Kat70 

Thanks for introducing yourself, welcome to the forum! <3 

Sounds like you and your kids have a lovely close relationship and know how to have fun together which is super important! You're right that it is a really good thing your kids trust you and are able to be open and honest with you, you've clearly built a beautiful friendship with them.

I've just edited your post a little bit to align with our community guidelines around discussions of self harm, we've also got some great content on self-harm which I'll link here in case you want to have a look. 

I hope you're able to find some great support here on the forums, you're absolutely right that you're not alone