the beginning of Internet addiction

[KitKat2306]

My 14 year old has become very mouthy and disrespectful. His whole world revolves around his phone and the PlayStation. To the point where he doesn't want to go to family outings any more. And generally if it's not on a screen he's not interested. We are a family of four, 14 yo 12 yo stepdad and myself. Stepdad is very old fashioned and doesn't cope with technology at all. So it's placing strain on our relationship as well. We have all lived together for 6 years with hardly any conflict until the past 3 months. I have talked to both kids explaining that the Internet hours are to be limited. My 14 year old was in tears saying that he will be missing out. And when he gets to school he can't connect with his mates as they are all talking about what they were doing online the night before. I guess I'm just after reassurance. Feel like I'm loosing my boy

[taokat]

Hey @KitKat2306, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this with your son, but please be assured it's a very common issue parents face, so you are not alone! 

So much of a teens life is online and I understand that frustration when they don't want to participate in family events. My daughter is very similar in that regard, except she does come to family birthday lunches - but that's it. She's 15 and it's all about friends at the moment.

Just an idea, but maybe you could negotiate that the internet be a reward for respectful behaviour? You're still in control of what length of time that is, but he then has a choice and some responsibility in it as well.

I've found that hearing my daughter, and repeating back to her what I've understood to make sure I've heard her correctly, goes a long way. Even when my answer is still no. And it sounds like you've heard your son in this too. Our kids will get upset with us, angry with us, but they love us to pieces. It's our job to be their parent not their friend. It's really hard sometimes and sometimes it really hurts, but we do it for them because we love them. You're doing an awesome job. 

[KitKat2306]

️Thankyou. That makes me feel better. I have spoken to him about being allowed on alternative days so that home work can get done. And only allowed to have time on the weekends, depending on how much time he has spent either offline or with us or his peers on the weekends. You've alrready made me feel better.

[taokat]

My pleasure, I'm so glad you're feeling better

How did yor chat go? Was he more accepting of those terms? 

I wonder if there's a parent who's never doubted themselves?! I think that's what's so fantastic about the forum and being able to talk to other parents - we can share our experiences and empower each other as parents.

[KitKat2306]

He is at his dads atm. But I hAve spoken to his dad. And even though we divorced 10 years ago. He backs me 100%. His dad has spoken to him about my concerns and given me the heads up that I'm not quiet the 14 yo fav person atm, but he will still back me. We are in school holidays atm so I won't see him until Sunday.
Your right though. It's absolutely that self doubt....

[Breez-RO]

Hey @KitKat2306, so glad to hear that Dad backs you with 14 y/o around this subject. That must be reassuring. Can be really hard when you're feeling like the enemy especially when you're implementing this new rule to benefit your son and the whole family, though sometimes adolescent's can't quite see the positives in regular breaks from screens. 

Keep us updated on how he goes throughout the school hols

[KitKat2306]

I will, ️thankyou. Here's hoping for a half positive outcome😉

[taokat]

Hey @KitKat2306, that's awesome that your ex has your back and that you have such great communication. A united front makes life so much easier! 

Rules suck when you're 14, but we make them because we love them. My parents used to say to me as a whingeing teen "you'll survive". And they were right

[KitKat2306]

I guess I'm worried that if I push it too far, he'll just go and live with dad(who is 600km away😁)
I have spoken about my concern re this with his dad. And his dad has addressed it, pretty much saying ( if you don't work this out with mum. Are you really going to leave your friends, school etc just because mums changed the rules?!?)
I am super lucky. He was a **bleep**ty husband, but a great ex😉
I have spoken to 14 yo today about maybe after school going to the local pool or house of bounce place with his mates, and I'd be happy to drop them all home. Thought that might be a good distraction

[taokat]

Hey @KitKat2306, it's great that you can discuss your concerns with your ex, and that he's getting your son to look at things realistically. I admire you both for where you're at, it sounds like you both have the best interests of the kids at the forefront. 

Good on you for thinking of ways to keep your son connected with his mates after school. What are boys like - do they have sleepovers or is that just a girl thing? Could be something else to do some weekends? My daughter's having 2 friends over on Wednesday night  - they take over the loungeroom while I'm banished to my room lol.