07-18-2017 03:56 PM - edited 07-18-2017 03:59 PM
07-18-2017 05:49 PM - edited 07-18-2017 06:26 PM
Hi @Kizaa Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can hear how concerned you are about your son.
It can be very hard to watch our children 'act out', especially when we've just gone through or are going through something difficult. We immediately feel like it must be our fault.
The most important thing is that you're paying attention to your son's moods and responses, which shows love and commitment. That means a huge amount.
The Raising Children Network has forums like these but with many more parents of younger kids. You can click here to access them. They have a section there for primary school aged children where you can hear from other parents having similar experiences.
As your little guy is still a bit young for therapy, per say, have you thought about doing relationship counselling for your partner and you so you can make sure the conflict in the house is reduced?
Triple P Parenting courses are available all over Australia, often free, to help parents learn ways of implementing boundaries with kids in a way that everyone feels like they win.
Would that be something you would consider?
07-18-2017 06:11 PM - edited 07-19-2017 05:03 PM
Hi @Kizaa, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear your son is having some problems at the moment. We're happy to have you here and for parents to share their ideas with you. I just want to let you know though that being a forum directed at parents of 12-18 year olds, we may not have the information or resources you may require.
Young kids are very sensitve to what's happening around them, and so are easily affected by conflict in the family. I know it's easier said than done at times, but maybe try to keep him out of view or ear shot of any disagreements or negative talk about the other parent. Kids always blame themselves for any angst seen in their parents. Mine's 15 and she'll still ask me if I'm angry with her if I'm not in a good mood.
A fantastic course I did, was the Circle of Security. It was so educational as to the needs and behaviours of young children, and teaches us new ways of relating to them. The link is here to an online book, but you will also find a number for Early Childhood Australia.
Reaching out for help when our kids are struggling takes courage and a lot of love, and I hope you recognise that in yourself. I hope the Circle of Security info helps.
07-31-2017 11:07 AM
Have you thought of taking him to an Occupational therapist. My little girl started seeing a psychologist when she was 18 mths. First start with a child psychologist - very important for their level of understanding and they also help you and give you tips to try to survive each age group. These are available through Cymh in each state and is free. They do an intake based on behaviour - you must give them the version of your very worst day. Believe me I have no idea how many times I burst into tears and couldn't answer their Q's. My girls behaviour was pretty much the same as your child.
As for the abusive cycle little ppl take in every single emotion and hear every single word. My kids at 10 could repeat whole sentences that they overheard 6 yrs prior..
You can do this.
You have the strength it's hidden deep but your safety is paramount to move forward.
This is NOT your fault and you will feel guilty. Reaching out you are being extremely positive for your son and yourself. You are not alone - there are many of us right now experiencing the trauma we don't deserve.
07-31-2017 11:15 AM
That's a great suggestion @Lily17 Occupational Therapists so often get over looked but they do amazing work.
Would you be willing to do a post on your experience with OT and the kinds of work they did with your daughter? I think it would be a great resource for parents, particularly with younger kids like @Kizaa for when they are looking at options.