06-01-2017 11:07 PM
Ok so this has nothing to do with my daughter or parenting, but it is about 'adulting', or trying to do so the best way I can. I'm still feeling like ranting, although I've been trying to use all the things I know to keep calm and move on. There are so many components that annoy me, where do I start?! I was approached on Twitter to moderate a new facebook group that a woman was starting up to support suicide survivors. I agreed, as I thought it was a good cause, and fell for the woman's sob story. I'm no expert in anything online but agreed to change things around in the group and muck around with artwork, which took me 6 hours one day. To cut a long story short, I was expected to stay up all hours messaging her about 'fluff' (she's in California), she just kept giving me more and more responsibility despite me telling her about the other things I have in my life. When I finally asked her to give me estimated timeframes on these added tasks, she created a big drama, whinging to her 2 other volunteers about my commitment. She messaged me after being told I was going away and didn't want to be contacted by anyone, my first morning I was away. My first respite in 5 years, and my first whole day and 2 nights off in 2 years. I was fuming, at how rude and self centred this woman was. After that I told I couldn't volunteer for her anymore, and told her why. Her response to me was to leave the group I'd helped setup and moderate, if that's how I felt about (the name of her website). I had already done that, but it was something she could've done herself, and showed me her lack of gratitude and her ego. I feel completely used and taken advantage of. I was putting in so much time, I'd done nothing on my website, hadn't been on here much, had no time to the things I wanted to do, but how dare I set my boudaries! I attract this type, and as much as it grates on me, I am glad I recognised it and got away after only a few weeks. Her other volunteer is swamped but doesn't know how to say no to the guilt tripping.
It's been a full on couple of weeks. My dad's been back in hospital 2 weeks after surgery to have stents put in his lower aorta - one hadn't been pumped up enough and moved, twisting the aorta causing a blood clot and cutting off blood supply to his left leg. It seems that has now been fixed, but the way they blast the clot out has damaged his kidneys. He's going in for another ct scan next Monday to check out his kidneys, but will likey have to see the renal specialist. He's really upset and I hate seeing my dad like this.
I've given up smoking and was hoping my lungs were my biggest problem, as quitting will see them not get any worse. But I'm off to the gyno because I've had 3 operations in 12 years and pesky dangerous cervical cells are back again. 18 months after my last surgery. So a hysterectomy is on the cards. And that's ok, because for me, I'm too old to have another child, but still, it makes that fact very real if that makes any sense. Sorry to any dads who really didn't need to read about another woman's gyno story! So, poo, bum, far out, geez louise, crumbs, fiddlesticks, kung fooey, son of a monkey's bottom, jimini cricket, fudge nuggets!!!
06-02-2017 02:39 PM
Awww @taokat what a lot for you to deal with ! I think that you have every right to have a big fat rant . So sorry to hear your Dad is unwell that must be a huge worry . As our parents age , every hospitalised medical issue can be potentially life threatening situation , getting old is rotten . As my mother in law says " it's not to be recommended ".
You are a very important , and committed contributor to this forum , your insights , thoughts , support and compassion are so evident in your writing . I can tell you are a really good egg and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity on any forum you volunteer your very capable abilities .
People do take advantage of us and we sometimes can be a little fluid with our boundaries , when we are by nature , compassionate , caring , thoughtful people . Sometimes we don't even know when it has happened to use until afterwards ! Like a scam ! It is part of the fabric of our being , we are so quick to support and help as our nature is inclined to good will and giving . Sorry this happened to you , on top of your medical issues you don't want this stress either !
Hope you are tapping into those self care strategies you have now !
Stay strong and be kind to yourself .
06-02-2017 06:25 PM
Aaarrrgggh @taokat people like that woman make me so angry.
I just can't imagine how people like that justify their behaviour. Good on you for walking away!
I think it's great to be open to new experiences and to say yes to things, the trick is to say no and exit as soon as you start to feel like it's not right, or fair. So you did great at both being willing to do the work and then telling her what she did wasn't ok.
And I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I really hope he gets better soon.
Might be time to do some self-care over the weekend.
06-02-2017 09:48 PM
It's always good to be around people who appreciate you, and who understand when you have the need to have a whinge. I've told my therapist previously that it seems like I attract this type of person, and to my dismay she said I did! I sometimes take it the wrong way and think the universe is punishing me with these people, but she said the same as you @motherbear, that's it's because we are kind and generous and want to help people and the fault is with them, not me. I am glad that I am able to recognise it now - still annoys me that people can be like that. And it annoys me that people get nasty when you stand your ground.
I love my community here and the support that is both given and received. It's the way things should be!
Yes, my poor Dad. It's his birthday on Sunday, so we're taking him out to lunch. We've also splurged and bought him a coffee machine this year - no golf socks or undies! I love your mother in laws saying about old age! Made me laugh! But you are right about each hospitalisation, each anaesthetic, each treatment becomes a serious issue and it's always in the back of my mind. I am extremely lucky to have both my parents still with us, but old age doesn't end well.
I'm going to have a quiet day tomorrow. I'm writing an article for MamaMia for ReachOut, and I'll do a body balance class at the gym if I get up in time. So yes, some self care and nice words to myself over the weekend for sure! Thank you both for pumping me up.
So the gif challenge is ON @Ngaio-RO, but how do you get yours centred? I just cannot work it out!
06-02-2017 11:51 PM
Absolutely hear ya
Though I scan read without attention to all detail towards end ... why - you know oi know same same . We are as humans - collectively we I mean as in billions of us - all here in this planet for purpose , what does it mean to you to be human and how is that connection - it's a two way street right?!!
I answer with same always ... LOVE ❤️
We are nothing without it , yes we are scientifically proven 70% water , yet did Dr Emoto not try teach us ... positivity in water (is call that love - and believe one day sciencrific evidence will provide the evidence - they are so so close now - so all there is is love
Love is all you need
Oops sorry that's a Beatles song
Is not love the most powerful
Medicine known to man !
So I send you love
As I know u receive the simplest feature of love.
Some do not as easily and that's ok
Dr Red21 (jokes) says up the dose of self love
U know your heart
And listening you have taken time to surrender and trust acknowledging the simplest of support of an online group Reachout.com that is ....
maybe you can complete that sentence
Mine goes like this
... presently those that understand do
And I'll leave for now out the end of that infamous quote.
I luv ya
I see ya
And I hear ya
Thanks for sharing (aka caring)
Time to reflect for you and your love for self
06-03-2017 05:22 PM
Aww thanks for that @Red21, I really appreciate your kind and generous soul. Love is all we need. It's a feeling of belonging that we all require.
I do love the ReachOut forums for the give and take of support, care and compassion. It's so important for me for one, to be involved with others who understand and don't judge.
I feel ya luv and I'm doing the self care! I feel so much better
06-06-2017 10:24 PM
It takes a lot of ppl to make the world go round - much nicer to care than to use, I think.
How strong of you to be able to say no. Many do not have the capability to refuse anything then are lost when blamed.
Judging is such a waste of our neurons, they have the ability to do so much more. I remind my kids of this rather frequently. When they leave the house my words are respect and manners, use them!
I would delete everything if someone interrupted respite. It's so rare to get it but I am glad you got it regardless of the negativity.
When it comes to our parents we worry intensely but at the end of the day we all have to fly and illness is unfortunately the way we generally leave. I have always encouraged others when elder family are in hospital or wherever when visiting give them a massage. It really is beneficial for pain and mental health..
Gyny issues are so irritating. I think we should be able to put our system in the month before we want to have kids and then have it all stopped when we are finished. No men anything left over for each stage.
Arghh life! It was so simple when we were kids.
06-08-2017 11:24 PM
Thank you @Lily17
I love what you say about judging being a waste of our neurons. So true!
Believe me, the idea of deleting everything did cross my mind! I decided taking the moral high ground was the more mature action though lol.
I was away for 2 nights and 1 full day, so was determined to block it out for that time - easier to do when you're being pampered and spoiling yourself! But it hit coming home - she's finally taken me down from her website which she was avoiding because she said to me the more volunteers she had up there made her site look more legit! (She asks the public for donations)
Anyway, back on track now and enjoying it.
Your suggestion of massage is a great one. Relaxing for the muscles, but the personal touch probably gives the most benefit. I'll remember that. Dad's kidney function is slowly improving, so we've been told they should eventually get back to normal which is fantastic news!
Lol, i love your idea of having our bits put in for use then taken back out again! Wouldn't that be brilliant! I'm waiting on my appointment, so hoping my bits will be out in the next couple of months lol.
As kids we want to be all grown up, as adults we realise how much simpler life was as a kid!
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