06-13-2017 05:56 PM
That's awesome news @Red21 I'm so glad you're both feeling good about the options.
Can I ask, and by all means tell me to mind my business, do you guys talk about pronouns and whether she / her / daughter is the preferred descriptor?
The only reason I ask is I'd love to support you both by using the preferred pronoun.
06-13-2017 09:53 PM
@Ngaio-RO Thanks for comments, and not at all, happy to clarify. My daughter and I have spoken about pronouns, and she is happy to continue as is. She is questioning and looking at all labels and meanings of gender and sexuality and romance - its quite an enlightening journey of which I am learning much too. It is actually amazing that she is exploring with space and maturity of how she feels about many things in life and prioritising what is important to her. Panoromantic asexual ... my daughter just amazes me.
Incidentally we have joined an online group too together but as separate identities and the same advice came through of addressing or clarifying pronouns.
I and my daughter enjoy the freedom of exploring and simply being as we can out of many boxes and the best advice I could give on reflection was to continue to be her amazing self and not bend to others judgements and labels and continue to be on her enlightened path of self choosing without force of others.
So all this opening after viewing some of '13 reasons why'. Openness and a honest communication without judgement has given our relationship a turbo boost. My daughter had spoken of being upset and anxious every night by herself at bedtime, wondering things like why am i like this , will i be accepted by mum if i tell her, where is my support were just many thoughts through her mind. I did notice something was wrong and had tried many ways to be present until she was ready to talk.
i am a lucky and grateful parent for sure.
06-14-2017 01:03 PM
You are more than lucky I think, it's your hard work, thoughtfulness and effort you put into the relationship you have with her!
Just really lovely
06-19-2017 12:01 PM
I too, am learning and not really wanting to but apparently according to T1's counsellor my girl is very happy with my support. As long as that is how it comes across that way then from the outside I am doing my job. At least she has stopped talking about it so I can continue plodding along putting out various fires as they occur.
I haven't been able to find any info on gay parents with gay kids so feel free to point me in the right direction perhaps I am wording it incorrectly..
A few days ago I found myself watching my girl in a dress with her best friend dressed in T1's defence uniform waiting at the back door ready for the wedding.. I did nothing just said enjoy and continued on. T2 also attended this so as I watched the friend literally carry my girl up the back steps all laughing, I asked if they'd enjoyed it all smiles and excitement. I left it at that.
I didn't get much out of T1 later but T2 seemed a little more forward with info. I am biding my time to talk to her but is this normal behaviour for teens? Friend is straight as sticks, both mine are great friends with her but T1 far more so. Friend close to being expelled so .. not exactly the best influence. I try to keep them as separated from each other as possible. She wants to drink, they are extremely anti. Normal behaviour but the wedding crap...
06-19-2017 01:13 PM
Hey @Lily17 have you tried Googling Rainbow Families in your State?
There is a focus on younger kids, playgroups etc, but they would be a great place to start when looking for services that support parents in the LGBTIQ community raising kids who are also or are questioning.
I'm sorry I don't have anything more specific, it seems that groups of this nature are smaller than the ones supporting young LBBTIQ people so they're state-based rather than nationwide.
I didn't fully understand the wedding story. Did your teenager 'marry' a friend? If it helps, my two teens have been a part of and around very similar things in their respective friend groups. But I also may have missed your point.
Your reply sounds like things are possibly not great with you. Or maybe I'm misreading.
How are things with you?
06-21-2017 10:45 AM
That's ok - I am still wondering about the wedding stuff but I guess if it's normal teen behaviour then ok. I was very sporty, have never experienced any of this stuff personally or seen it. I understand the psychology of teens brains, what they look like on a scan, but they are so intense.
I finally went and saw someone about my gay issues, the response like many before them was that I was far too traumatised to deal with being thrown out to be able to deal with T1coming out.
Not that it helps me, but the difference is that she has had a very positive experience and will continue to because it's the right thing to do by her and her future. I try very hard not to repeat my garbage so that my girls won't be as psychologically disadvantaged like many of us were..
The bond I had with her is no longer, I wonder if it ever will.
06-22-2017 10:24 AM
@Lily17 I've just been reading through this thread and again and again i read about how thoughtful caring and considerate you are for your children even though it's incredibly tough because of the hardships of your past.
You mentioned the loss of your bond with T1. Is this something that you're thinking about building back up over time, or are you more feeling like you just have to wait? Something else?