05-31-2020 09:20 AM
Hi everyone. Not even sure if this is the right place for me as my troubled son is 20 years old, not a teenager. He is taking out his problems on our 17 year old.
1. My boys are 20 and 17. Sorry, can't remember anything recently that they have done which has made me laugh. Life has been hard. I have smiled a bit when they have been playing music together (piano and viola) but these moments are few and far between.
2. Reducing stress? No idea how, but I still enjoy reading a great and absorbing book.
3. Trying to find support - so many sites and groups seem to be for parents of children, not 20 year olds.
4. Buy a bigger fridge - you won't believe how much teenage boys eat.
5. More time to take the dog for walks.
05-31-2020 12:19 PM - edited 05-31-2020 12:20 PM
Hello @WhiteHeather , welcome to the Parents community! I think it's great you reached out to get some support for yourself and your two sons. It sounds like you have your hands full at times!
I am sorry to hear that you have been having issues with your oldest son taking out his problems on your younger son. That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. Have you had a chance to discuss with your oldest son why he is doing these things? I'm sure you'll come across other parents here who are going through similar reservations about your kids during their teen and adulthood years.
It is a shame to hear that you are not sure how to reduce your stress. I would have to agree that reading a great book and taking the dog out for a walk can be really relaxing at times (also depends on your dog though ). It can be easy to forget to look after ourselves when we are looking after others. This is when leaving time in the day/week for self-care is really important. I am not sure if you are already aware, but we offer a free one-on-one support service for parents. All of the support sessions are free, confidential and done with a professional .Here is a link to the website if you are interested.
06-04-2020 10:58 AM
I am 37 years old, I have a 16 year old boy and 13 year old girl. My husband is my kids step father, he has been in their lives for 10 years so he always been there for them, as the kids have gotten older things have gotten ruff in parts. Right now my husband cant understand why the 13 year old is depressed and tells her she is just a kid, and we get into an argument because I or she cant tell him why she feels the way she feels. So I found this to try to get answer or helpful tips on how to deal with a Teenage girl that has and wants to cut herself and is depressed and has bad anxiety. I know there are triggers and I have done things to help her out but it is still never enough... and now with the world so screwed up I feel like I have lost total control.
Being brother and sister they do get along pretty well, they share together what they feel they cant share with me, there crazy jokes and antics make me laugh during the good times.
I am still trying to figure out how to cope with stress, sometimes i read or watch a movie, go shopping, do the dishes, find a way to keep my mind occupied on something else...
I feel like I can't give any tips right now, because I feel like I have done something wrong with my parenting so how can I give any advice???
Well because I have 2 jobs and only get 1 to 2 weekends a month off, I love to just relax and be out doors if we can.
I have never done anything like this before, lets see how it goes...
06-04-2020 12:32 PM
Hi! I have a 17 yr old, and an almost 13 yr old (July) and i am 39 so we are kinda similar.
I had the issue of my ex (who is not the father of miss 17) not understanding either and it was very tough. Does your hubby understand anything about mental health issues at all?
If not, i would suggest you try and get him onto pages like this or Beyond Blue or even Kids Helpline websites so that he can educate himself a little. For me, education has been the key, but sometimes, as in the case of my ex, i just had to tell him to let me deal with it as no matter how much we talked, he just didn't/couldn't get it.
I know it's hard to access services right now but i wonder if you have had your daughter to see a psych at all? My eldest had great success with Headspace and seeing a psych through them and i am about to embark on finding a psych for my miss 13 as well as she is struggling with issues.
With my eldest, although i helped her as much as i could, there is something about the advice coming from mum that just doesn't cut it, and i found that although Headspace gave her basically the same advice, she listened to it.
It might be worth making a separate post in one of the forums about the issues you've mentioned here as i suspect this might get lost when others do intros after you.
06-04-2020 08:03 PM
there are many positives in your post. The fact that your partner doesn't relate to your daughters immediate problems doesnt mean he cant . He has been with you and been a father figure to your children for many years . It is a little sad his response is toughen up princess , however that doesnt mean he is isnt caring . Just a response of what he was brought up with. Everything that is happening may just be too different for him to really understand . There will be people here who can guide you to sites for help with this . My thoughts are are if you can get her step father to understand this is NOT a failing of either of you as parents but might a problem of the times we live in, too complicated to solve with toughen up mentality then the 2 of you can give combined support. If her elder brother can see he is not betraying her, perhaps he can give a little insight as to what is troubling her .. Ask him for his support and opinion as to his sisters mental health, not for dob in info , this must come as love for his sister to give insight not as a betrayal of their relationship .
06-07-2020 08:39 PM
1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh?
25 & 27, its been so dark lately I cant think of anything but it would probably be my older one, he's pretty funny.
2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down?
At the moment, only thing that helps temporarily is alcohol, but usually I like a good laugh & used to go out & hear music a lot pre virus.
3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today?
I feel desperate, really concerned for my daughter & my life feels like it's turned into a nightmare.
4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years?
Set boundaries for them & let them push them & test them out.
5. Whats the best thing about weekends?
Getting to choose what I want to do but less options now.
06-07-2020 11:07 PM
Hello @Aiuto , and welcome to the Parents community! I think it's great that you have reached out to get some support for yourself. I am sorry to hear that you have been having issues with your daughter lately and that these issues are making you feel like you are in a nightmare. If you are comfortable sharing more about your situation, you are more than welcome to create your own thread and post about what has been happening. Creating your own thread makes your post more easily visible to other parents. You can do this by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right corner.
It is a shame to hear there is not much that has been helpful with reducing your stress lately. Going out to hear music sounds like a very awesome and relaxing activity. Hopefully it won't be long before you can go out and do this again. It can be very easy to forget to look after ourselves when we are looking after others. This is when leaving time in the day/week for self-care is really important. I am not sure if you are already aware, but we offer a free one-on-one support service for parents. All of the support sessions are free, confidential and done with a professional .Here is a link to the website if you are interested.
06-10-2020 08:46 PM
Hi I have two sons 15 and 17.
My eldest I believe suffers anxiety at certain times this has lead me to look at reach out. I recently saw an interview about reach out on instragram .
I find teenagers really hard to relate to especially boys as I grew up with only a sister .
The older they get the more i feel like they are pulling away from me. I don’t want this to be the case. Hoping for some great advice.
06-11-2020 06:31 PM - edited 06-11-2020 06:47 PM
06-11-2020 09:25 PM
Hi @Debsy123 thank you so much for introducing yourself and welcome aboard! It sounds like you have some great strategies lined up for your weekends! I have noticed that you have made your own thread about what you are going through, so I will respond to you in detail over there