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New member? Introduce yourself here!

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Casual scribe
1solarrae

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh?

I have 3 kids. 21, 18,17 they all make me laugh my daughter does. Funny British voice that cracks me up.

2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down?
Drown myself in work that I find fulfilling and working on wood projects

3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today?

My daughter has been dating her bf for about 6 months and she lost her verginity to now she is sooo clingy to him that I feel like it’s unhealthy. I’m concerned even she is concerned.

4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years?
Talk to them my kids all come tell me ever because I don’t judge them

5. Whats the best thing about weekends? Spending time with my kids
Mod
Taylor-RO

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi @1sollarrae, thank you for participating and welcome to our forums! We are so glad that you have some ways of relaxing when things get tough - it is so important as a parent. Just so you know, I have seen your thread and I have sent you a reply there too Smiley Happy
Scribe
Myson03

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

I’m 52 with 2 grown girls and a 17 yr old son and 2 grandsons. Been married for 31 years. My oldest had 3 attempts, she is BPD, and is finally doing well. My middle girl has had a rare autoimmune disease for 20 years. She spent a ton of time in the hospital and we almost lost her twice. My son sustained a concussion in 2018 and a suicide attempt 7 months after. So I’m no stranger to adversity and digging my heels in to help my kids. My husband has always said when your mom goes to the mat she wins and she will always be the first on the mat for you kids. I don’t sugar coat and I’m direct with my kids. I ask the hard questions so I can help them. Most of the time they come to me for help. Right now I feel like I’m treading water with my son. I can tell he’s having suicidal thoughts. I am
living in the space of praying he’s alive many mornings. He will be seeing his therapist Tuesday and I’m hopeful. I also understand that if a person really wants to die they will find a way. We have had 2 suicides in our family, distant relatives to my son. I’m not giving up. I’m just a realist. I figured this is where I could unfortunately find people that would understand.
Parent/Carer Community Champion
eitak1

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi
Parenting and work can be stressful. Have you ever thought of NATURE for destressing and also bonding time with your children? I have read some research that suggests we need to have trees around us and perhaps doing something with your teenage daughter that is sensual and enjoyable might help her understand "sex" and dependence. Loving ourselves is just as important as receiving love and I hear your concerns. The clingyness seems to present to you as low self esteem or too dependent and you might be concerned she's being manipulated or used for sex without developing her own identity, necessary in teenage life. Teenagers are known for their risk taking behaviours because of their hormones and the physiological changes. This can make it hard.
Teenagers can also seem more strong willed and egocentred and, in my experience, think they can rule the world. Losing the connection with her is something you might be feeling and participating in her life might seem difficult. She needs to know you're going to support her and love her unconditionally because you don't want her to drift off into relationships that might not have a trace of that sort of love that is right: caring and compassionate. You obviously care and clearly have an enjoyable time with your family. Let's hope your daughter who is discovering sex, can also reconnect with her playful nature in the family and have some fun too. Allegedly trees and nature walks can help improve mental health. Art and dance as well as singing can also help. I hope the boyfriend is willing to become a part of enjoying life and the building of an adult identity as part of your family values. This might help your daughter regain some independence and also develop in her intimate relationship.
Thank you for sharing. I hope you can find some time, as a busy and much needed mother and worker, to do some activities for YOU! Some time to laugh, out your feet up and Say " I AM OK and my children are loved and great."
Casual scribe
Taylor

Trouble with my 14 year old

Hello, I have a 12 and 14 year old daughters. My ex and I have equal share however however when they are with him they are semi left to their own devices and my 14 year old gets up to no good. We have recently learnt she is smoking pot and hanging out with with a bad crowd that she will just not let go of. All she cares about is her friends and hanging out. Never comes home on time, always looses her things and is extremely messy and rude. She has now started sneaking out when her father goes to bed and when confronted just goes silent. She has no remorse and just promises it will not happen again and asks to go out again the next day. We tried taking her phone and iPad off her and all he’ll let loose so we have in and gave it back to her to spare the drama
Mod
Taylor-RO

Re: Trouble with my 14 year old

Hi @Taylor, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please know that you aren’t alone - a lot of parents face similar kinds of challenges. Coparenting can be so incredibly difficult, especially when varying parent styles come into play. It must be hard to watch your daughter’s behaviour change so drastically. I can tell that you care deeply for her and just want what is best for her.

It sounds like you have tried a few different things to try and get through to her but haven’t had a lot of success. I am wondering if you have thought of talking to a psychologist? They may have some tools and tips that you can try. At the very least, it may give you an outlet to vent and to feel supported.
Parent/Carer Community Champion
eitak1

Re: Trouble with my 14 year old

Thanks for sharing it seems a really difficult time. I strongly believe that your daughter needs help getting out of that peer group and away from smoking pot because, and I am not saying this is always true, marijuana smoking does lead to alcohol and other drugs either experimentally or as addictions.
I know from experience teenagers seem to have an egocentred I rule the world nothing will happen and nobody understands attitude. This is hard. Maybe connect with your inner teenager and attempt to reconnect with your daughter through empathy and care. This I know is hard as well. It's quite clear you care and reaching out reveals your vulnerability and strength: you know how to ask for help and your daughter needs to know that's ok too.
It's hard to change friends and harder to convince a teenager that drugs aren't cool and aren't the answer to all her problems. Social media these days seems a bullying tool as well as a depressing tool for people to create envy, jealousy and uncertainty through the fake or false images people present of their imagined lives. I do believe counselling would help. Even if your daughter had time away from all this mess and abuse and found a light that shows her she is worth it, she doesn't need drugs to make friends, and she doesn't need drugs to solve her problems. I am sure both parents care and she needs to know this.
A counsellor might offer some self esteem tools as well as acceptance wand commitment tools or therapy that will help her rise to the best she can do at this time in her life. I don't know if she is struggling academically, however if school became a place where she felt supported and engaged to pursue her interests then she might walk away from drug abuse confidently. My knowledge of public schools in NSW is quite extensive (in regional areas) and there is a noticeable lack in emotional and social intelligence coaching and understanding. Indirect aggression between females is often overlooked and perhaps a counsellor could help her understand aggression and harm in terms of malicious gossip, rumour spreading, aggressive staring and exclusion. A lot of this is not addressed in the early ages at primary school and needs to be addressed quite soon with your daughter.
Best wishes. I hope your daughter sees the care in your eyes and your intentions and feels the warmth of your embrace and unconditional love. Social media is an addiction and hell breaking loose is a sign of this. We need empathy and I hope you have felt that from me and haven't felt judged in your time of need and support.
Take care
Scribe
Butterflies5

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

1. How old are your kids and what is one thing they've done recently that made you laugh?

Aged from 23 to 34
2. Parenting can be really stressful - how do you try to keep those stress levels down?

Time on my own, sewing.
3. What led you to ReachOut Parents today?

Youngest is struggling big time and I am trying to keep my head above water
4. Whats your top tip for parents whose kids are about to enter teenage years?

Always be there for them, listen, give space, apologies if you are wrong, let them know that you have their back.
5. Whats the best thing about weekends?

Relaxing if possible

 

Mod
Sophia-RO

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi @Butterflies5 , sorry to hear that you and your youngest are going through a tough time at the moment. It is great that you have been able to reach out for support. If you do want to share more about the difficulties that you are going through (which I am sure other parents would appreciate), please feel welcome to create your own thread by clicking 'Start a topic' in the top right hand corner Smiley Happy

Casual scribe
Peaceful

Re: New member? Introduce yourself here!

Hi all,

I am 43, mother of a 12 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. We are a culturally diverse family and finding it hard to raise kids when my husband and I differ in values and believes due to different cultural backgrounds.
I am proud of my kids and the way they never give up no matter how hard it is.
I joined here because i am just struggling more and more with this and got here via eheadspace.
I go into nature to destress, i love being in forrest and the Mountains the most.
I think with teenage years just expect anything and take it as it comes and deal with it as you go along the best as you can.

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