12-19-2018 02:19 PM - edited 12-19-2018 02:19 PM
We've decided to start a new segment in the forum called Wellbeing Wednesday!
@Jay-RO has put it perfectly -
"Wellbeing is super important. It can be helpful to take some time out of our day and reflect on some of the things we can or need to do to help ourselves feel better. There's a little wheel of wellbeing called The Wheel of Wellbeing.
Each section represents a different way that we can take care of ourselves and our wellbeing. It could be through being active, connecting with others, taking notice of our surroundings and being mindful or learning new things. There's so many different ways that we can help have a positive wellbeing.
So, to help us on that positive journey, we're going to do Wellbeing Wednesdays! Every Wednesday, we're going to share a new wellbeing activity with you all. We'll explain what the activity is, and give an example so you can see what to do."
The activity for this week is a bit of a reflection on the year:
Have a think of a word, (or a few) that reflect, or sum up the last year.
Then think of a word, or a few, that reflect what you want the next year to be.
2018 - Reconnecting - The last year I felt like I was reconnecting with myself, and my values.
2019- Rest - I will be making a conscious effort to prioritise rest, in amongst the chaos.
Give it a go! I would love to hear your reflections, but no pressure to share if you'd prefer to do this one solo
12-19-2018 08:31 PM
2018- I reconnected with a friend with whom I had been close when our young adults were babies. I had listened to her tears when her partnership split up some time ago in a nasty way. This time she gave me comfort as I have gone through a year of hell with our son.
2019- is the year I hope to regain my health as our son’s behaviour has drastically affected it. I hope for Moments of peace, calm and lashings of humour in the New Year and plan to find more yoga time!
12-22-2018 10:52 AM
I could not believe that my life/family had transformed to the point that I had trouble/have trouble recognizing it as my own
Silly me... I thought that we would, to a point, be immune to some of the things that landed in our life. I guess we thought that (what seemed to be) healthy relationships with our three kids, daily family meals/moments of connection, family traditions/vacations/hobbies, close family/friend network...would--to a degree--inoculate us from the 'big' stuff. I was wrong. Big time wrong.
a shrinking world
As things became darker, our world became smaller. I stepped back from my professional responsibilities. We stopped socializing with groups of friends. Stopped self care (exercising, reading for pleasure...). Worried about everything/anything related to my daughter to the point that we forfeited our other roles. Some of this was necessary at times, but not sustainable in the long run.
I don't know if this is the right word, since I don't want to imply that I have been traumatized in the same way that many of our children have, unfortunately, experienced. I mean trauma in the way life has been upended and, at the expense of sounding overly dramatic, made a bit darker. I know things about my daughter that I will never 'unknow', and these things, in all honesty, scare me. Realizing that I am unable to keep my daughter safe (safe from others and safe from herself) has changed me. Does anyone know what I mean?
I have a group of friends and family who know (almost) everything. They helped, practically and emotionally, when things were dark. They helped keep her safer when we could not, and held me/hold me up when I've reached out. Man, I love them.
I need to keep on working at this. I need to be grateful for the little forward steps that are being made, so that celebration can happen, and so that the backward steps aren't as terrifying.
action and more 'yes'
I would like to revisit the other 'hats' I wear (friend, daughter, volunteer, my professional/career role and so on) and broaden my world a bit again. Part of this is to give back to those who have helped me this past year (my workplace has been very supportive, my friends have been understanding, and my extended family has been unwavering), part of this is 'distraction', and--to be honest--part of this is confidence building (my parenting confidence has been shot, so I think I need to re-immerse myself in different relationships and hopefully bring some of that energy into my mothering.
sit with the discomfort of not knowing
This is a big one for me. I want to be reassured that things *will improve. I want to know that our daughter *will be okay. I want to exhale.
But, I know there are no guarantees. So, I'd like to be able to lean into the pain a bit more feeling more grounded, with less worrying/perseverating. Any words of wisdom, please??
It feels good writing this down. Thank you for this thread.
12-22-2018 12:12 PM - edited 12-22-2018 12:16 PM
Hi @compassion it sounds like 2018 was an incredibly challenging year I understand what you are saying in regards to trauma and the way that the past events have impacted you. I'm sorry to hear that things became darker for you and the world has felt smaller. I'm glad to hear that you have had amazing support from family and friends at the toughest of times. I think gratitude, action and more 'yes' and sitting with the discomfort of not knowing are very positive ways to enter into the new year. I'm not sure if I can offer any additional words of wisdom but I find practicing mindfulness, taking a deep breath, going one day at a time, reaching out to my supports and celebrating small wins helps me. I'm sure some of our members will be able to provide some further advice
12-24-2018 04:57 AM
I just finally had a moment to read your post today. It took my breath away- the connection I felt when I read it. This time of year I take an emotional inventory and look at the past year. This has been by far the most traumatic year of my life. You captured it perfectly in your words.
For that I am so sorry because I would never wish anyone to feel the pain and darkness that I have felt this past year.
This is what I do know......It does get better!
It has been a year and a half of horror and things will never be how they were before this all happened- but its so much better than last year at this time. I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop and I can stop holding my breath. I know our life is not perfect, and I know teen drama will still happen, and it does!
But I promise there will come a time when you can just exhale and know you are off the rollercoaster.