distruptive behaviour at school

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distruptive behaviour at school

Hi i am new and desperate! My 14year son is reported to be disrespectful and distruptive by all of his teachers. We do not see this behaviour consistently at home but have no control over his behaviour at school. Feeling very responsible for his behaviour but have no idea where to start. He has always had this feedback from all the schools that he has attended x any advice would be greatly welcomed x
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Re: distruptive behaviour at school

Hi @Luca thank you for sharing that with us and welcome to ReachOut. This understandably is a stressful time for you and it's good that you are looking for solutions. I'm wondering if it would be helpful for you to chat to the teachers to find out what may be causing him to behave this way, perhaps something is happening at school that you aren't aware of or maybe he is struggling with other students or his studies? You could also look at seeing the School Counsellor together for some further support. What has been his response to the situation? I'll also tag some of our members for some support around this @taokat @Sister @jdbza

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Re: distruptive behaviour at school

Luca I can relate to your feelings. I am and have been in the same situation. I usually talk with my child’s form teacher first to see if they know of what is going on or to the parent of my child’s closest friend. I’ve always had a close relationship with my kids and have struggled when they have not been able to talk to me. May I also suggest that you talk to the guidance officer or if your child is more comfortable talk to his doctor? For my son who is now 22 the source was his disruptive behaviour was his difficulty with reading and the fear of being found out and for my now 28 year old son it was because he was being bullied. My daughter who is now 23 the aggression came out when she was in preschool and she was then diagnosed with what was then called Asperger’s Syndrome which much to her annoyance now comes under the classification of ASD. You may find that behind his aggression he is asking for you to protect or comfort or help him organise how he is feeling. Is there a male member of the family he is close to that you might be able to ask to talk to your son? With my kids I start the conversation by telling them that I have noticed that they seem to be feeling out of sorts and then I use some words to describe the behaviour that I have seen and I ask them if I’m in anyway close to describing how they are feeling. I let them know that I love them unconditional and I understand if they didn’t feel like talking to me right then and there and I want them to know that there is nothing that they can’t talk to me about although I’m sure there are things they feel like they don’t want to talk to me about. With my 15 yr old niece who lives with us and has for almost 4 years using the conversations I do with the others didn’t work because she has been through extensive trauma before she came to live with us. We now have a clinical psychologist who our niece sees and she has been a God send. 3 months ago our niece went into residential care and has been having intensive care where she is. Until this week she was adamant that she never wanted to come back to live with us even though she was due to return to our care on the 18th of this month. This week we had a break through and she is now excited to be coming home. The best time I’ve found to talk to my kids is over food - at the dinner table, going to a cafe or somewhere else casual that they like going to. 

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Re: distruptive behaviour at school

Hey @Luca, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I can imagine it must be confusing for you, especially if he's mostly well behaved at home. 

 

Have you been able to speak with any of the teachers to find out more detail of what's been going on? 

 

I'm wondering if you could have a conversation with your son as well and ask him why he thinks he behaves that way at school? Maybe it's his way of fitting in socially, or could he be having learning difficulties for any reason? Interestingly, my brother used to muck up in class until it was found he had some problems with his hearing. He had grommets put in his ears and settled down. 

 

It's great that you've reached out for support and ideas and shows what a loving parent you are. Let us know how you get on.