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14 year old daughter distressed

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Casual scribe

14 year old daughter distressed

Hi, this is my first time on here.. today at work I got a call from the Emergency Dept (I work in the hospital as well) to day my daughter had been brought in by ambulance, after having harmed herself, then calling for help.
Background info is of course more complex, but just for context, she has had very little to do with her dad since birth as he had mental health issues and drug addiction. He committed suicide Christmas eve of 2019. A couple of months prior to his death he asked to see her and she had declined as didn't know him and the visit prior to that was awful, he was drunk and not interested in spending time with her really at all. He was inappropriate with me and the whole event was just so negative.
She is now blaming herself for his suicide, or feeling like if she had said yes to seeing him he may not have ended his life.
She is also feeling excluded at school by her friends, her closest friend just got a boyfriend and is never available to hang out anymore, or if she does is mostly buried in her phone texting the boyfriend.
She is also questioning her sexuality, feeling like she might be bisexuality or maybe gay.
I want to support her as best I can but I am also traumatised by my own life, the loss of her dad, working full time shift work in order to pay 2 mortgages on my own. We need help, but finding support in a small town with most psychologists charging a large gap fee and not accepting new patients due to overload..

Prolific scribe

Re: 14 year old daughter distressed

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Hi @MotherOfOne , we're glad that you reached out. How are you feeling after yesterday? I can imagine that receiving a call from the emergency department about your daughter would have been quite distressing, so I hope that she is okay and that you've been able to take a moment for yourself to recover.


I'm very sorry to hear what your daughter is going through at the moment, it sounds as though she is trying to cope with quite a number of things at once. You mentioned that she is blaming herself for her father's passing, which sounds like an incredibly heavy burden for a young person to shoulder, as well as a difficult experience for you to try and support her through. 


I'm feeling quite concerned for your wellbeing too, @MotherOfOne . You mentioned feeling traumatised by your own life, which is quite understandable given that you are trying to manage emotionally and financially while also supporting your daughter. It sounds like you're doing the very best you can, as a mother and as a person, in an incredibly difficult set of circumstances. Is there anyone in your life that you trust and feel able to talk to about what is going on? 


I definitely hear what you're saying about expensive and overloaded psychology services. I am from a small town myself, so I know how difficult it can be to find the right help in these areas without paying a fortune. If you feel like it would be useful for you or your daughter, Feel the Magic is a free grief support service for young people struggling with loss. They have a great resources hub that might be helpful for you. Otherwise, Standby offers specific services for people who have lost someone to suicide, a lot of which are free as well. See what you think, and if you need any extra support finding services in your local area that work for you, please let us know. 


Sending all my best to you @MotherOfOne . You are not alone in this. 

Casual scribe

Re: 14 year old daughter distressed

Thank you so much for responding. It was a long night feeling like she was a new born again, so vulnerable and afraid she'd stop breathing in the night.
I took today off work to be with her and we drove around until we found a service that would be able to take her on. It's a youth based service for teens up to 25 years of age and government funded which is a relief for me financially.. she seems much brighter in herself today and told myself and the intake people she feels like she is getting the help she needs, and broken the ice for open conversation around the whole topic. Thanks so much for the resources, at the moment I think we are ok, but I've noted them down just incase.
I'm worried about the self harm scars, it's as hot as anything right now. She is mixed race and her scars heal dark, she has all her childhood scars still visible so I'm a bit worried. I'm a nurse so will do what I can to minimise this but I just hope they fade.. it's a dark reminder for her as well as raising questions from family, friends and teachers etc.
I'm coping ok, thanks for asking, I spoke to one of my good friends which helped alot. I'll eventually seek help to process everything that's happened.

Again thanks for responding. Nice to know I'm not alone.


Re: 14 year old daughter distressed

That sounds like a heartwrenching night @MotherOfOne I am so sorry your daughter and yourself are going through such a hard time. As hard as that long night sounds, I can also see that nothing has stopped you from taking active steps to get support. 


I hope the youth service you found is a good fit for your daughter, how is she feeling about it?


You are always welcome to check in with us if you ever need some help with resources in the future or just a chat. 


I'm glad to hear you are coping well and have good friends by your side - sounds like your daughter has a strong support network around her and that is what is most important right now. 


Also, I wanted to let you know that I edited part of your post. We believe it's important to create spaces to discuss self-harm and to do this safely there are some times we make edits using our community guidelines. If you have any questions about them at all, please let us know