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Adult Daughter suddenly stopped speaking to me, over a year ago... No contact - No EXPLANATION?

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Adult Daughter suddenly stopped speaking to me, over a year ago... No contact - No EXPLANATION?

Casual scribe

Adult Daughter suddenly stopped speaking to me, over a year ago... No contact - No EXPLANATION?

My 26-year-old daughter was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at 14 by a panel of 3 psychiatrists. Needless to say, her teen years were a painful roller coaster and I struggled as a single mother to raise her. She bounced in and out of counseling, and blamed me for a lot of her issues yet, always ended up saying how much he loved and appreciated me. I thought we were very close despite her wild mood swings and outbursts, until a year ago. She called to say Happy Birthday, August 2021. She was in a great mood and sang to me the Happy Birthday song. She called back later in the day and told me that she can no longer speak to me. NO EXPLANATION! Just hung up! There's been no contact whatsoever. She's blocked my phone number and also blocked me from viewing her social media accounts. She won't respond to my friends request either. She was living with my ex-husband in another state. When I reached out to him, he sent me a text he was going to block me. So I sent the Police to do a well check, I was told by the police that my daughter is no longer living with my ex-husband. No other information was given? Obviously, I am very concerned about her welfare, (having nightmares). I'm also completely confused about why this is happening. She is apparently alive because she has texted my brother stating; she's fine and wants to be left alone. Again, no explanation! A little background, my ex-husband and I divorced when she was 3 years old. He completely walked out of her life, NO CONTACT AT ALL! Never a penny, a phone call or a birthday gift, nothing for over 20 years! Then, he finally contacted her a couple of years ago when she was 23 years old. It broke my heart when I found out he made contact. She said it is her business and she had a right to get to know her father if she wanted. She was very closed mouth regarding their relationship. I thought they had very little contact until she lost her job and apartment and needed a place to stay last year. So I guess my question is what part of this behavior is the borderline personality disorder and how much is my ex-husband contributing to the situation? For the record, she denies having emotional or psychological issues. And told me never to discuss borderline personality ever again. I had bought her the books, tried many many counselors and mentioned the situation to her teachers which only enraged her more. She barely made it through high school and college, I wrote a lot of essays for her and even took some of her college online classes in order for her to graduate.) She struggles with day-to-day life, getting enraged with everyone, she cannot keep a relationship, a job, an apartment, ect. After college, she was staying with me, but my landlord 'kicked' her out because of her temper tantrums. My daughter blamed me! She moved across the country for a job and promptly lost it, which is why she ended up staying with her Father. I am at a complete loss of what to do. I pray for her every day. As a Mother, I need to know she is safe and doing well. Emotionally, I need to understand what's going on and why this break? How do we repair our relationship? I've tried to stay in faith and, "Let Go and Let God" but I am so worried and hurt! I would appreciate any insights. I have really struggled with this and I am not sure how to deal with the complete loss of my little girl! For over 20 years it was just my daughter and I, now nothing!  Thank you for your thoughts.

Prolific scribe

Re: Adult Daughter suddenly stopped speaking to me, over a year ago... No contact - No EXPLANATION?

Hi @Hope23 
Welcome to our online community!

I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this, it must be very difficult for you to not know how your daughter is and to have no contact with her. I can tell how much you really care about your daughter and her safety.

I’m aware of how difficult this must be for you and how concerned you must be for her. Have you raised these concerns with your ex-husband or attempted to express your concerns about her safety to her? I know you mentioned that you can’t contact her but was wondering if you could contact anyone that she is close with?

Are you aware of whether she has any supports at the moment or if she is seeking professional support for her diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder?

You have provided such incredible ongoing support for your daughter and I understand how challenging this must be for you. I was wondering if you had any support available for yourself or if you had anyone that you could speak to like a GP or a mental health professional?

Casual scribe

Re: Adult Daughter suddenly stopped speaking to me, over a year ago... No contact - No EXPLANATION?

Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate your suggestions. I have exhausted all avenues including any of her friends. In truth, my daughter never has had many friends and is very argumentative with everyone… including family, friends, boyfriends, coworkers, bosses, EVERYONE, including the cashier at the store. I really don’t know who, if anyone is close to her at this point. My ex-husband blocked his phone and will not communicate with me. My daughter blocked her phone and is not communicating with me. She also blocked me from her social medias, deleting some of her known accounts. That’s why I had the police do a well check when I thought she was still living with her Father. I was simply told she is no longer living there, no other information was given. It’s very scary knowing that she’s out in the world somewhere and I have no idea how she’s doing? Especially since she does have challenges. I was a single parent for 20 years. (Father left when she was 3 yrs old.) I was her only care giver and primary source for her to express herself…the Good, the Bad and the Ugly! The GOOD… When she is good she is very very good! She’s a beautiful soul and can be very loving and generous with her time and emotions. The BAD… unfortunately, life gets so overwhelming for her she’s mostly living in a state of depression and anxiety. The UGLY, are times of full blown fits of hysteria which are unbearable and sometimes dangerous! I continue to pray for word that she’s honestly doing well. The only communication the family has had is her responding she’s ‘OK, I want to be left alone’ to a text in response to her Uncle. I am praying she is well and reaches out to me soon. Can anyone share with me the insights of this borderline personality disorder enough to understand why she may behaving this way? Any suggestions!?

Re: Adult Daughter suddenly stopped speaking to me, over a year ago... No contact - No EXPLANATION?

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Hi @Hope23 , I have just read through your posts and wanted to say well done on reaching out for support with what you’re going through. It sounds like it has been a journey full of ups and downs for you and your daughter, with you being there to see her through the good, the bad and the ugly. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring parent like you to turn to for support. It must have been such a relief to hear that your daughter has responded to her uncle to let her know she is okay. Although  I imagine it would be so worrying and upsetting to not know where she is or how she is doing at the moment. 

You mentioned that you’d like to find out more about BPD and how it may be affecting your daughters behaviour. I found some fact sheets on BPD here, as well as information and resources for family and friends here. I hope that you find these helpful. 

I am aware that there are many parents who have children affected by BPD, and I am wondering whether you might find it helpful to read about some of their experiences or engage with parents going through something similar to you. If so, there is a ReachOut forum thread here that might interest you. 

I just wanted to check with everything that’s going on, do you have support for yourself? Such as a supportive friend or health professional that you can talk to about things? You deserve to get the support you need to make things more manageable during these tough times.

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