Teenage Mother, Guilty step mum and a MIL who's out of line

[Banjolover_6]

Hey I am a mum of 3 kids- 9, 12 , and 16,
The 16 year old is my Step daughter. Long story short she has lived with us since she was 5 and her mother took her own life when she was 7. Last year we had the most horrible year as miss 15 at the time ran away from home to be with a boy she met online and disconnected herself from her siblings and our lives for 5 months with all attempts to get her back legally there was nothing that could be done. 5 months later she returned home pregnant with no where else to go and had broken up with said boy as he was/ is manipulative and abusive. Anyway she chose to keep her baby bub is a 2 month old gorgeous little girl. And they are both happy and content at this point in time. Although I on the other hand feel that my life has been put on hold we just bought a caravan and had organised to go away without the eldest and Baby as for one we don't have the room in the car or camper. And we kind of want to start going away more often. Obviously I feel bad about this but when she was pregnant we told her there would be things she would miss out on. And she hasn't missed out on anything yet everyone has been running around to accommodate her. So we had organised for our dog and baby and eldest to spend the weekend with her nan. Then the nan has to make it really exciting (because she feels she's being left out) and say we're going to stay at a hotel. I'm completely fine with this now she's promised it and our dog has no where to go. My husband has had bad anxiety about it and feels terrible. And I'm like we shouldnt feel this way about a weekend trip. What's everyone's thoughts. Honestly it's effecting everyone her decisions and I don't think it's fair. What would you all do if it were you?

[Natalie-RO]

Hi @Banjolover_6 

Thank you for sharing this with us and for being so open and honest.

It sounds like it has been a very difficult journey for you and your family and it is understandable that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you and your husband have both been very supportive for both your 16-year-old and her daughter – they are both very lucky to have you!

It is understandable that you’re feeling this way and that your husband is also anxious about leaving them both. I was wondering if you have been able to speak to your husband and express how you are feeling?

I know that you mentioned that you’re feeling like your life has been put on hold which is understandable, it sounds like there has been a lot of changes going on and that you have all had to adjust to. It is understandable that the first time taking a trip away without them must bring up a range of feelings, but I was wondering if you think that after this trip, these feelings and concerns might change, making it easier to organise and go on more trips together?

I also know that you mentioned that the ex-boyfriend was manipulative and abusive and was wondering if they are both safe from him and whether they still had any contact with him?

Whilst you are away, do you have a safety plan in place for them both and will she have access to support if needed?

Thank you again for sharing this with us.