02-26-2019 04:53 PM
This week we thought we'd talk about how to support a teenager who is feeling angry -and how to calm them down or de-escalate the situation.
ReachOut has an article on this over here with a heap of resources and tips that you might want to check out.
Some of the top tips are shown in these infographs:
And a few more tips:
If you’re having trouble with de-escalation, you can also get help from a ReachOut Parents coach. They can support you to come up with an action plan for the different scenarios you might find yourself in.
If the person has calmed down a bit, it’s best not to launch straight into a discussion. Instead, do something together that you’ll both enjoy or that will help further calm the situation, such as having a snack, playing a video game or going for a walk. Afterwards, you can start to try and figure out what triggered their anger and how they’re feeling about it now. ReachOut has created an anger diary that you could both use to help you break the anger cycle.
What are you top tips on calming down an angry teen? What's worked? What hasn't?
02-28-2019 03:15 PM
03-01-2019 11:27 AM
03-10-2019 01:20 PM
We have a very angry teen. Using the Reach out coaching was great. It provided specific strategies my wife and I could use when he became angry and aggressive.
Using the language of “I feel very ....upset / frightened etc..... when you ..... are swear ta me / yell at me ...... etc”
this was very effective at first. If you are in this situation, I strongly recommend both parents or carers engage in the Reachout Coaching offered.
That worked for for a while, till he employed other strategies to negate the ones we were using. Very canny. We ended up taking out a Family Violence Restraining Order. That was the only solution we could find after a long period of continued escalation.
Fast forward 2 years and we now believe that he was reacting badly to coming down off drugs. This may seem like a fine point, however our language at the time was “have you taken drugs, or are you affected by drugs?” He would always deny this. In some ways he was telling the truth in his eyes. As now we believe the anger occurred on the way down, maybe a day or two later after the drug use. So he could in a limited way claim it was not caused by what he had taken, at least in his narrow view.
03-13-2019 08:54 PM
03-14-2019 02:22 PM
Hey there @Nikkita,
I'm sorry to hear about your son talking about hitting walls. It can be distressing to hear those we love talk about possibly hurting themselves. Sometimes people find hitting things helpful in releasing their anger, while it can absolutely be worrying when it's something hard, do you think finding something soft or a punching bag might be an option for you and your son?
You also mentioned going to a headspace intake appointment today, how did it go?
I'm also gong to tag in some other members for their advice, you're more than welcome to make a thread too if you'd like
03-18-2019 12:37 AM
03-19-2019 04:45 PM
Hi there @Nikkita , its so good to hear that you went to the headspace intake, and that your son engaged well. Hopefully this means he is open to getting help, and will benefit from the counselling sessions.
Don't underestimate the support and love you are giving to him - it sounds like you are being a wonderful parent, doing all that you can. The study at that age can be really overwhelming for many young people.
It's good to hear too that he is able to be distracted from his feelings when he is with his friends.
Keep letting us know how he's going, and how you're coping. Here to listen
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