Help needed to parent enmeshed kids - post divorce

[Chyka]

My partner has three children with his ex wife. I have observed concerning enmeshement attachments with their mum. She does not encourage a relationship with their dad and they often tell us or we receive communication from her directly attempting to tell us how to parent in our own home. The eldest is 18 now and mum has made him the man of the house. The results are every time we attempt to set a healthy boundary with the kids they refuse to spend time with us and this is supported by there mum, who regularly shows up at our House when she likes to remove them from our care. I am aware these kind of attachment concerns warrant intensive intervention but how can we do that if we can’t even see the children ? And we need advice on how best to approach this. All three of the children have mental health issues and Mum has medicated them with anti anxieties without their dads consent and we have no details of treating doctors, there has been minimal child protection involvement who referred mum and kids to family functional therapy which she refused to engage with so they closer the case. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Chyka 

Thanks for sharing this with us, it sounds like a really tough situation that you're in. We see a lot of posts on our forums from parents in blended families and the challenges that parenting in these situations can bring. It must be really hard being told how to parent and having your boundaries disrespected. I understand the kids mum is stopping some contact between you and your partner and the children, I'm wondering what kind of interventions have been made to have a more solid structure around who the children spend time with?

It also must be upsetting that medical decisions and information isn't being shared, I can imagine this must be quite hurtful and concerning. I am going to link some content from the Raising Children's Network about blended families which you might find helpful to have a look at, as well as our own content on some of these challenges. 

What you're going through must be incredibly stressful and I'm wondering if it could be helpful to have a chat to someone about this? Parentline is a great service that offers phone counselling to parents from 9am-9pm. Here is a link to their website if you are interested.