Need help now?

How to deal with an enabling wife and her 19yo kids

How to deal with an enabling wife and her 19yo kids

Reply
Active scribe
Dazza

How to deal with an enabling wife and her 19yo kids

G'day, just wondering if anyone out there could give me some honest advice. I love my wife (K)more than words can say,but!. K has 2 kids, 19yo boy and 18 yo girl,who all moved into once was my home 7 years ago. My wife enables them like there's no tomorrow, baby's them (even speaks to them like their 11) ,does everything for them,makes excuses for EVERYTHING they do,she HAS to be involved in everything they do, together we came up with some house rules,then when I went to implement them K completely changed her mind,saying she didn't agree with them in the first place. Her kids do nothing, since moving in,they have washed up after dinner maybe 10 times,in 7 YEARS! TRUE!! Cant even fill out a simple form without involving everyone, they disrespect my home and any core value rules I set. The list goes on. This creates so many arguments between K and I, I honestly feel like I'm a stranger in my own home. .
It's impossible to try and explain to someone they are an "Enabler" it will just cause more excuses, denial and etc. How can I get back a little ethical law and order in my own home and how can I help my wife to stop mollycoddling her kids and let them grow up?
Mod
Courtney-RO

Re: How to deal with an enabling wife and her 19yo kids

Message contains a hyperlink

Hi @Dazza thank you for sharing with us today.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have been having trouble with your wife's kids, to the point that it has started causing arguments between the two of you. I can only imagine how hard and overwhelming things must feel right now, especially hearing that you now feel like a stranger in your own home. I am just wondering if you have had a chance to sit down and have a conversation with your wife about how this makes you feel? You also mentioned that you had both talked about some house rules, did she ever talk to you about why she didn't agree with them? Is there a possibility at all of adjusting these rules to suit everyone?

 

If you are up for a bit of reading, the Raising Childrens Network has some really helpful articles that may be useful in such a situation. Parentline might also be a great resource worth looking into for some additional support. I am also wondering how you look after yourself when things get hard?

 

We are all here for you.

Active scribe
Dazza

Re: How to deal with an enabling wife and her 19yo kids

Thanks for you time Courtney, I have tried on many occasions to talk with my wife,unfortunately if I mention anything to do with the kids, or how I feel about it she just defends. I have heard excuses for behaviour poor attitude that no one should be able to excuse. The house rules,yes,this particular time her son is paying very little board,doesn't pay fir for anything, so we both agreed that his board will go up. When that day come she wanted nothing to do with it. It's like she is scared her poor kids might get upset it's doing my head in
Mod
Courtney-RO

Re: How to deal with an enabling wife and her 19yo kids

Message contains a hyperlink

I'm sorry to hear that you've been finding it so hard to talk to your wife about this @Dazza I can only imagine how hurtful and even heartbreaking that would be for you. I am wondering if something like Family counselling might be helpful in this situation. Do you feel like this is something that you and your wife may consider? I can hear just how hard things are right now and know how awful it can be to manage on your own. It might also be worth reaching out to somewhere like the Family relationship advice line, for some extra support.

 

We appreciate you keeping us updated and want to remind you that you're not alone in this.

Moderator Hours

This forum is moderated from

09:00AM to 11:00PM

We are not a counselling or crisis service and we can't guarantee you'll get a reply, so if you need to talk now

Click here for help

The current time is Wed, 2:44 AM
(Australian Eastern time)