I can't stand my step son

[Goldenthing]

I can't stand my step son, he is four years old and he just gets on my nerves constantly. I'm with him the majority of the day when I'm not at work, on my days off I'm with him all day, I have my own son three years old, and I hate the way my step son is rubbing off on my son, just so many things I'm struggling to deal with and overcome with this kid, he has so many flaws in my eyes and I don't know how to get over them, his birth mother is in jail and has pretty much given up custody of him, he sees me as his mother, but knows I'm not his birth mother, and I just can't see him as my own son, just some kid I have to take care of everyday. When we go to visit my husband's sister he turns into a baby, and that's because she treats him like one, I hate his attitude when we go anywhere, I feel terrible for feeling this way, but it's just getting worse, and I don't know how to get over it

[Philippa-RO]

Hi @Goldenthing and welcome to the forums - we're so glad you've joined our community.

I wanted to let you know we edited your post in line with our community guidelines because some people reading may find some words distressing. 

I wanted to say that I think it takes so much courage to share what you're going through - it sounds so stressful and difficult for you and your family.

Firstly, I was wondering how things are with your husband? Do you feel like you can talk to him about how you're feeling? Is he supportive and understanding of how difficult you're finding things?

I think there's a lot of pressure on stepparents to instantly fall in love with their partner's children, but it's not realistic - relationships take time. It's not easy for stepparents or stepchildren to suddenly find themselves in a close relationship with people they don't know well, who they may feel they don't have much in common with.

It's something that's not talked about a lot, but what you're going through is very common - in case it helps, you can read the words of people going through similar things in this thread on our forums (and there are others if you look through the blended families section of our forums). You're definitely not alone. 

At the same time, it sounds like you're not happy with how things are for you or your stepson, so I really commend you for seeking support. For what it's worth, I think the first step in addressing a situation we're not happy with is acknowledging it and you've done that here.

I'm wondering - if you were in an ideal world where things could be better, do you have any ideas on how it might look or what might be different? 

I'm not sure if it's helpful, but I thought this article had some interesting information and suggestions for stepparents in your position, in case you'd like to have a read. 

I noticed you talked about being with your stepson a lot and I'm wondering - are you caring for him on your own while your partner isn't home? If so, how do you feel about that - are you happy with that arrangement, or would you prefer a different option?

Do you have much support for yourself - eg. family, friends or professionals you can talk to?

I feel for you and your family - it sounds like such a distressing situation to be in. 

We're here to support you. 

[Sunshine321]

Hello! I feel the same way. I have a step son who is 5 now... I can't stand him. We almost went close to divorce because of this.... Situation was so bad, that I started on purpose to work very long hours if I knew that kid is in our home and I was only coming back when he is out...sometimes in advance I was asking my boss to give me more work so I don't need to be there.. whats the reason of my behaviour? Mainly problems in my relationship, sleepless nights when that kid is around,mess at home. We are still together. I was reading one topic in this forum about same issues and how one woman was complaining about this...so for me everything was same:
1. I will buy two candies and will eat them - my partner gonna complain why I did not leave one candy for his son who is coming in a few days.
2. We had a photoshot... i wanted a nice couple picture of me and him..but noooooo!!!! He says his son also wants to be in every picture.
3. I want to go out for a dinner. He suggests to take his son together. I am saying no! People very often wants peace in nice restaurants. And I dont want to eat in Mcdonalds just because it is kid friendly place.
4. I am not letting to touch my things. Some clothes lets say are expensive. If I will not keep an eye so husband will let for him to do whatever he wants...and his excuse will be : its just a kid.
I can go on and on and on...

[Iona_RO]

Hi @Sunshine321 

Thank you for sharing with us, it's great to see you are reaching out for support to help you and your family work together in a happier way.

Being in a relationship that involves stepchildren can be a really big adjustment and something that can be really stressful to go through. You're not alone in this. I think @Philippa-RO has shared some really helpful resources above, that could be really beneficial to support you with your situation as well. 

In addition to those, our free one-on-one parent counselling service might be an option for some extra support too.