My husband targets his step son's constantly

[Plzhelpme1996]

Hey, I've come here today after another morning of my husband berating my eldest son (his step son) and am fed up. We are only newly married but this has been a quality of his our whole relationship and yes we do have a daughter together biologically.

Most mornings my eldest son can't enter our bedroom, talk to him or even make sounds near him without him telling him to go away, to shut up or piss off. He's not allowed near our daughter, says he gets to close, is too loud and that she is learning un healthy behaviours from him e.g. grunting (which I'm certain most babies do anyways) everytime I try and point out his unfair behaviour he always turns it around on me or says he should listen to him. I feel he doesn't listen to him because he is constantly pushing him away, belittling him or sometimes even smacking out of frustration and when I point this out it becomes about my son's behaviour not his own. Sometimes he even belittles me and offers me the silent treatment when trying to raise the issue. My youngest son doesn't cop it as bad, but since getting with my husband he regressed in his toilet training and he enjoys again berating him about it, calling him a pissy pants, lazy and sometimes going as far to not even acknowledge his dry night's. Our daughter is always treated the best from him and he likes to isolate my boys in their play room so he can just sit in the lounge with our daughter and when they try to interact or come together with us he pushes them out by saying they aren't playing right etc. I feel so torn and somedays wonder why he's like this behind clos3d doors and not in public around family and friends. I feel like my son, especially my eldest is his scapegoat and everytime he's angry he is the one it gets taken out on. I don't want a failed marriage but need advice on how to combat this and make a stand for my children against him. No one in my family would believe me, because he never does it around them. Someone even went as far to say that I need to accept he doesn't like my son and just go with it... I don't want to do that. Please help me guys, I am open to anything

[Janine-RO]

Hi @Plzhelpme1996 , 

My heart really goes out to you reading your post, it sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for you as a mother, especially seeing that you're also coping with a new baby. It must feel terrible seeing your sons being treated like this- blended families can be really tough sometimes, but young people and children should be treated with respect and kindness so that they can feel safe and secure in their own home. 

Do you mind if I ask how old your sons are? 

I'm wondering if you have anyone in your life that could help to support you at the moment, or that you'd feel comfortable sharing what's happening for you at the moment? I can completely understand that might feel really hard, especially if your husband doesn't behave like this in public, but I'm wondering if it may be helpful for you to have some support from people in your life. 

If you think it might be helpful to talk to someone about what's happening for you at the moment, Parentline  is a free counselling service for parents and carerss, you can call them from 9am - 9pm. 

Another resource which may be helpful is Relationships Australia: they can offer counselling and support for blended familes, along with program like Circle of Security which can help parents and carers to build secure relationships with their children. 

We'll also be sending you an email shortly, so please keep an eye out for that. 

We're glad that you have found our space and were able to share what's happening for you at the moment @Plzhelpme1996 , wishing you all the best, and hope to hear back from you soon.