TW: nonverbal autistic stepdaughter

[joec2009]

So I have been married for a year and I have a 7 year old nonverbal autistic son and my wife has a 12 year old nonverbal autistic daughter with intellutual disability bi polar OCD and a few other mental health things going on that im not 100 percent on.She sees a therapist every month is heavily medicated goes to a special school where she gets ABA therapy and we have a outpatient ABA therpist that visits her at home.This child is insanely needy to the point where all my wife does is wait on her hand and foot.She does self injury and also injuries others.I feel like im hitting my breaking point with her and im starting to resent her.My wife expects me to leave her  cause of her daughter.I have tried to be stern with her ive tried being loving but about every 3 months like clock work she forgets everything she has learned and regresses and we have to start all over.She refuses potty training.Alot of the issue is that she refuses to even try.I am feeling hatred for this child(altho i never get agressive or show her my anger)I love my wife but its really bad cause im scared to have my son around us because she is so violent and he wont understand why his sister is attacking him.My anxiety is at a high time high and i feel that suicide is the only answer for me as I dont want to abandon my wife because she gave birth to a child ike this.

[Courtney-RO]

Hey @joec2009 and welcome to the online community! It's so lovely to have you join us here.

Thank you for sharing a little about your situation with us. It can be really hard to open up and share so much, so I just want to say well done on taking that step.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation right now. It sounds like it has been an incredibly stressful time for both you and your wife, especially while navigating such a new and difficult time with her daughter. I can hear just how much you care about your wife and can only imagine how hard this must all be. It really does sound like a lot to be going through.

It sounds like your step daughter is receiving a lot of support and assistance right now which is really great to hear. I was wondering if they have been able to provide you with any ideas or suggestions on things you could do to help make things a little easier on you?

I am mindful of the impact all of this must be having on you and wonder what supports you have around you right now. No one should have to go through all of this on their own. Is there anyone you might feel comfortable talking to and sharing these thoughts with?

I am also going to send you an email shortly, so please keep an eye out for that.

We're all here for you.

[joec2009]

Just my wife who is going through it too.unfortunately

[Blake-RO]

Hey @joec2009 

I wanted to check in with you to see how you're feeling today?

It sounds like both you and your wife are dealing with a lot right now and it is understandable how difficult this must be for you both. I'm really glad that you found us and were able to reach out for some support.

I was wondering if you would consider seeing a GP or a mental health professional to get some more support for yourself? No one should have to deal with this alone and it's just as important for you to be receiving support and talking to someone about this. We found a list of local crisis services that you can reach out to here. We also found a mental health support service specific to Americans called NAMI where you can reach out for some support.

I'm mindful of the impact that this must be having on the whole family and was wondering if you have looked into, or if you were receiving any support for the whole family? We wanted to share a service called Family Initiative with you that provides support services for the whole family. There is also a list of autism resources and services in your area that might also be helpful.

I also wanted to remind you that we sent an email to you yesterday to check in with you, could you please have a look for the email? Please let us know if you had trouble accessing it.

We want to remind you that you aren't alone, and we are all here to listen and support you through this.