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Victim or perpetrator (Trigger warning: family conflict, DVO)

Victim or perpetrator (Trigger warning: family conflict, DVO)

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Rick76

Victim or perpetrator (Trigger warning: family conflict, DVO)

I’m so close to ending my marriage but I’m not sure if I’m doing the right or wrong thing. I need advice.

Ok, so, I married my wife that has 3 boys. We’ve been together for 6 years, married for 2. Being a stepdad was new to me but I took on the challenge and I thought I was doing a good job until the eldest son told me one day that he would prefer me not being there because he wants the control and feel like he’s the man of the house. I took it seriously but never really thought anything more about it. He’s a very selfish, lazy, opinionated person. None of my wife’s boys do any chores or ever help out around the house. Anyway one morning he left all his dirty dishes on the kitchen bench and as I was sick of cleaning up after him, I told him to clean up his mess. He said he would do them after school. The dirty dishes stayed on the bench all day. On arrival home from school I reminded him to do the dishes. He grunted and said “yes I know”. 1-2 hours had passed and I needed the bench space to start preparing dinner. I approached him again and in a more stern tone, I said “wash the f@$king dishes “. I then proceeded to go mow the lawn as I needed to remove myself from his negative presence. As I was mowing the lawn the police drove into our driveway. I asked them why they were here and they told me that my stepson had called them and that I was abusive towards him and that he was scared for his safety. All absolute lies and a BS story about me. This brat called the police on me because I asked him to wash his dishes. My wife had recently come home from work and walked straight inside to be by her 17 year old son. Not once did my wife come and talk to me (the adult) about what had taken place. I was angry and upset & I couldn’t believe this was happening. The police then escorted me from the premises and I wasn’t permitted to go home for 24hours. In that 24 hour period my wife put a DVO on me and that the incident would go before a magistrate where the DVO would be in place for 5 years. Since then my wife has always been in her sons corner and can’t see that he is manipulating her and she is falling for his BS. He has been on his P plates for 12 months and been in 3 accidents where he wrote off all 3 of his cars. He posted threatening comments to his school that got him expelled. It cost us $9k to sent him to the only other close school in which he failed and had to repeat grade 11. He has punched holes in the walls. I’ve had mysterious dints turn up on my car. I have a pretty good idea who it was but I can’t prove it.
Anyway I feel that I’ve been set up and very alone. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas that I could do to protect myself or should I just move out?

Community Manager
Philippa-RO

Re: Victim or perpetrator (Trigger warning: family conflict, DVO)

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@Rick76 firstly I just wanted to let you know I’ve added a trigger warning to your post in accordance with our guidelines so people who may find the content upsetting can scroll past.

 

I also wanted to say that I think it takes so much courage to reflect on this situation and to post here seeking advice. It sounds like things have been so stressful, confusing and challenging for you.
As a parent to teenagers myself, I empathise with how frustrating it can be sometimes to have to ask someone so many times just to clean up after themselves. I'm embarrassed to remember how little I contributed to the household myself as a teen. It's not easy for parents. Here is some information on blended families and managing conflict on our website in case it’s helpful.

 

I’m hearing that there are some really complicated dynamics happening and this is very upsetting for you and your family. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so alone in all this. I’m wondering, do you think it would help to have someone objective to talk to? If so, Mensline or 1800RESPECT have 24/7 phone and online counselling if you’d like to talk to them. Relationships Australia also offer some great services.
We’re here to offer support, so please feel free to post again any time.