orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

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Frequent scribe

orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

I wish I had know about this forum a year or two ago. After a scary and not very nice two years, we feel that we are coming out of the forest of self harming, extreme anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, annorexia and more. Although finding out that my daughter had a girlfriend and was bisexual came totally out of the blue for me and was a huge shock, in hindsight, we've actually got to the root cause of all my daughter's unhappiness, and there is actually something we can do to help her, just love her unconditionally and accept her just as she is. 

 

If my world had to be shaken and turned upside down in order for my daughter to feel loved and accepted, then that is just fine with me. But this parenting thing is not easy. I suppose I just wanted to let others know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure we are still in for many ups and downs, but our relationship is much closer now, and we'll get through somehow.

Contributor

Re: orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

Hi @Elena

 

It's so great to hear some good news. Your daughter has someone she cares for, and who cares for her - that's what every parent wants for their child.

I'm glad you didn't look for us a year or two ago as the Parents' site only started in April. But I'm happy that you did find us and so grateful that you could share your story and its positive message.  Especially the part where your love for your daughter shines through.

Active scribe

Re: orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

Thanks Elena for sharing your message.  Yes your right ..... unconditional love all the way!!!

No parents are perfect and no kids are perfect!!  What is perfect anyway!  All we can do is navigate through as best we can listening, supporting, loving and hoping they grow up happy, healthy human beings.  

Contributor

Re: orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

@Elena Congratulations! It sounds very promising that you and your daughter have come into terms with your situation. I cannot agree more: unconditional love is the key!

Sometimes, we are more critical towards loved ones because, as my daughter puts it, loved ones are us and part of me. If we cannot help being critical, we need to be reflective and keep reminding us, that we need to let loved ones know that we love them no matter what!

 

 


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Contributor

Re: orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

Hey @Elena - thank you so much for sharing. Your insight will be so valuable here. I know you've been through such a tough time but stories like yours can show other parents that there is hope to get through even the toughest times.. Hope to see you around, would love to get your insight into this post from another Mum who's daughter is self-harming: https://forums.parents.au.reachout.com/t5/Teenagers-everyday-issues-mental/14-year-old-daughter-self...
Super contributor

Re: orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

Hi @Elena

 

Welcome to ReachOut Parents. So lovely to read your post. It's wonderful that you were able to work out what was the root cause of your daughter's issues and support her with lots and lots of love.

 

Are the other people in your daughter's life as loving? Has her experience of coming out been mostly positive or not?

Frequent scribe

Re: orientation is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it at first.

Many people have been supportive of my D coming out but not everyone has been accepting of her. To be honest I was completely stunned myself at first. Many people say that it is no surprise when their child comes out, because they had always suspected it, but that wasn't the case for me. I had known that my D was struggling badly, but had focussed on dealing with the anorexia, because it was life threatening.  It is a whole whirlwind of emotions that I went through, luckily I was relatively calm when she told me and was able to say something appropriately loving, but after that I felt shocked, numb, like someone had kicked me in the stomach, worried, anxious, embarrased even. But in the background I was aware that my daughter had been dealing with all of this by herself for years, and the idea of that lonely confusion and suffering just about broke my heart, and I realised that this was her story, and that my job as her parent was to love her unconditionally and support her. I can't undo the pain she has been through, but I can be on her side now. So really I can't judge others who do not understand what it is like to have a different sexual orientation BUT kindness and compassion does not require total understanding, and we owe all people kindness and compassion.

I'm also learning to appreciate the amazing and tallented daughter that I have....a daughter to be proud of.