Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Reply
Scribe

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

Hi #Carebear!! OMG so on the same track as you with my girl. Has been a rough last couple of Years with our girl. It started with her self-harming, we got all the help that was in offer therapy, councillor, groups, school involvement and also getting her to Dad leave (as she had mentioned that her Dad triggers her self-harm) he also went to anger management didn’t realise the words he was using were so abusive. We changed the situation in our home, no alcohol, everyone was to communicate, we had meetings every Sunday and family dinners. I cut my hours down and work we all changed everything to help her. I gave her freedom now and again but everytime she would do something wrong, drinking smoking etc. 2yrs later and I’ve come to realise that NO She is just a BRAT!!!! My other children have been pushed to the side for the last year and I’ve told her this Year, YOUR GOING TO THE SIDE!!! Because 1. She is so ungrateful and arrogant!! She’s rude and her moods are all to do with the **bleep** phone which i will be confiscating. I’m afraid I’m guna lose my mind and it’s not guna be pretty FOR HER. So stay strong

Frequent scribe

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

Hey Hun as a mum myself I’d say to just stand you ground as I do with my children.xx
Casual scribe

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

We completely understand you as we also are going for years through things like you.

My husband and I are constantly asking and questioning ourself what has gone wrong and if we had done something to trigger all this attitude and conflict with our now 16 years old daughter.

We came to a conclusion that no matter what we do it is always turned against us,no matter what..

We are constantly accused of everything,simple things in a flash of a second escalate into big issues in her mind,we can’t outtalk her,we can’t reason and discuss issues nicely because she gets so loud and upset with her accusations that we just let go for we don’t want to put ourself to screen at each other’s ears at the time.

Seems like she does not understand any point of view other her own,should we call it selfishness!?

To be honest,I am so disappointed,I never believed this is possible,you give all you have to those little people and what you get in return is like somebody who thinks you are the obstacle to everything in their life..so sadSmiley Sad

Seems like everything is good when she needs us,but when is time to show some respect,,do some chores in the house or listen parents advise we are just a nusence.

Mod

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

Hi @TiredAndTried, just letting you know that I edited your post to remove method of self-harm as it is against our guidelines here. It sounds like your daughter has a lot going on for her that is manifesting in risk-taking and other negative behaviour. Often teenagers might display behaviours that have totally different causes or meanings than what meets the eye. Is this something that has been explored with the support services you listed? Managing this alongside your own well-being and the well-being of your family is so difficult and I hear that this has been a struggle. How did the support you receive from therapy etc. help in this case? How is the anger-management and self-harm currently managed?

Hello @Aspen, it sounds like you can really relate to this post. I am sorry to hear that things have been quite difficult for the last few years. It can be a really trying period where the teenager is experiencing a lot of hormonal and self-discovery changes. Have you discussed these issues with local services like a school or counselor? It is important for parents to also receive support for themselves and engage in self-care to maintain health and well-being.

Casual scribe

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

I feel for you care bear. This day in age is night and day compared to the days of us growing up assuming you are in the 40 -50 year range as I am. What kids are into nowadays is nothing like we were subject to I don't care what part of the country you're from or world for that matter. Socially I couldn't imagine at 15 being able to communicate visually with someone else on a handheld device let alone all the other means of communication that are available these days. My point to that is we are living in complete different times and parenting hasn't kept up with those changes. I have two kids 18 year old son and a fifteen-year-old daughter. My son has been great, very well-mannered, polite, respectful, Etc. My daughter on the other hand somehow didn't get the memo. The biggest problem we have in this house is issues between my wife and I and control. I can say whatever I want but my wife will allow her to do whatever she wants. Therefore I am the disliked one. Kids feed off that power struggle and know exactly how to play it. Tonight my daughter left with some boys that were older than her and what do you know the cops brought her home. The struggle is real and daily. The fact that you were even reaching out for answers shows that you are concerned and are trying to find a solution. Stay the course as I am and I do believe in the end it will all work out. Best of luck to you and your family
Mod

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

Sounds like a tough situation @Bigbear. The current generation does deal with a whole range of different issues and technology has moved fast. It is difficult to understand and adjust to some of these things as a parent. It does have negatives and positives and can influence each child differently. Do you ever talk about the power struggle with your wife? Smiley Happy

Casual scribe

Re: Defiant, rude & disrespectful 15 year old daughter

Thanks for the reply! It's funny you should ask, my wife and I have had our share of problems and I do I think a lot of it if not most of it stems from that. I have confronted her multiple times about being more of a friend than a parent and more importantly disagreeing with me in front of the kids which generally leads to another fight. Things have gotten a lot better between us but I think the damage has been done. Not to go off course but there has been infidelity amongst other things and I have done everything I can to try to keep things together with odds stacked against me we are still here. For the record she was the Unfaithful one. We are both on the same page thankfully about our daughter though. I am not blind to the fact that I realized a lot of our problems directly affected her behavior and respect towards us. All I can do is continue to try and do the right thing. I guess the hardest part for me deal with is how quickly this all seem to change. Almost overnight having such a seemingly innocent daughter despise and hate me so much. Kids will always push but it's up to us to push back.