Having struggles with my 13yr old daughter

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Re: Having struggles with my 13yr old daughter

@Moloko hope you had a good weekend

 

Your kids are very similar age gap to mine interestingly. Mine are 2 years and 10   mths.

My daughter used to love bossing her brother around and at times still does which of course he hates. He doesn't need two mothers! At 13 he thinks he doesn't need one haha

 

 

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Re: Having struggles with my 13yr old daughter

Hi guys. Just thought I would give you an update on how things have been going with my daughter.
On a whole things are going pretty well. Things are going well at school and she seems really happy there and exploring lots of new friendships and learning how to deal with the ones that werent quite what she thought they were.
At home things are still up and down....we have a lot of great days but when shes in a mood we all suffer. The attitude has grown a bit and sometimes it really is not nice to see in your child...I find myself asking myself where did I go wrong? And feel completely helpless in ways to manage such a strong willed child and how she speaks to us sometimes. She has to always have the last word and thinks shes always right and fires back with such sarcasim. I do feel lost and defeated some days and overwhelmed and other days she is amazing and helpful and lovely...so confusing. She is spending a lot of time in her room and watching movies and on her ph which we dont like too much but apparently thats normal?
No evidence of any self harm again which is a relief. She is drawing and painting a lot which I think helps.
My biggest problem these days is still the rude backchat. Drives me insane and im not quite sure how to tackle this. When we argue we do always apologise and hug after but its the arguments that are really upsetting. Would love some advice on how to deal with this with a very strong willed child.
She is still pushing the ph boundary but we still make her put it in the kitchen at night...she still pushes back on this but we arent moving on it. She has changed her password on her ph and deleted us off her instagram and snapchat which is frustrating as she has broken her agreements with us on that front....her excuse was she wants privacy and we shouldnt be allowed to read her private messages. Her phs going to break down soon.. its already started to so we have said we are not buying her a new one because she has broken her agreement with us with the current ph. That is not going to go down well but I cant think of any other way to get round this.
Her friendships are going well....she has very strong friendships with girls she has grown up with but they are all at different schools but we try and get them together as much as possible. New friends are another story...she wont invite any of them around to meet us...she keeps all of her new friends very private and separate...I struggle with this a bit but she is not allowed to hang out with kids we havent met.
On a whole things are pretty ok....I do struggle with what to do some days esp when she pushes back....boarding school is looking like a great option some days😂 but I would miss her too much.
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Re: Having struggles with my 13yr old daughter

Hey @Moloko Thanks for the update. You're doing an amazing job! It's so great to hear that things have improved for you both.

Have you ever heard the term 'progress, not perfection'? I don't know its source but it gets around. The idea is that we strive for things to improve rather than be perfect. 

The reason I'm mentioning it is, I know that often in my parenting I can get sidetracked with wanting everything to be perfect. So my teenager and I will move through some major issue and then I want her to stop being rude when she's tired or to remember to text me straight after school or whatever. And two things can happen as a result, first I don't take time to enjoy and acknowledge the massive effort we've just made and second, my daughter feels like I'm never going to be happy with her.

 

It doesn't mean that what my daughter is doing is ok or that I'm overreacting, it's more about me remembering that it's ok to have times between 'work' where everyone can just relax a bit.

 

Does that make sense?