My 13 year old daughter has tattooed herself

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Re: My 13 year old daughter has tattooed herself

Oh do I wish porn was the extent of our worries! Wouldn’t that be nice!!!
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Re: My 13 year old daughter has tattooed herself

Wow, this was a breath of fresh air to read. Thank you for sharing that perspective.
We are likely seen as “strict” parents. However we do allow self expression. So far, our 15 year old has dyed her hair (blue/red whatever... you name it, and we even send her to salons to have it done for her) stretched her earlobes and been supported in most ways she wants for her identity (within reason). We were even considering allowing a tattoo at 16, until we found out she already had one.
However, she sounds a lot like how you described yourself.
Is there anything you would recommend to try to get her to open up to us?
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Re: My 13 year old daughter has tattooed herself

Hi @Eriamb thanks for sharing with us. It's great that you allow your daughter to express herself I'm sure she appreciates it Heart In terms of suggestions of how to get her to open up, that's a great question. Do you have any one-to-one time together which would encourage more time to chat? Or is she someone that perhaps prefers texting than chatting in person? Teenagers tend to like to text particularly if it's things they are uncomfortable talking about in person and provides an open line of communication at the very least. I'm going to tag some of our members for further advice on this @sunflowermom @Schooner @compassion @Moggy3kids

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Re: My 13 year old daughter has tattooed herself

Hi @Eriamb

I have a daughter that has had pink hair and gray hair (which I LOVED).. and unfortunately tattoos on her hands ( which I don't love) she says she can cover them up with makeup if needed I think 15 is a little young but she already did it- she also has the word SAD on her hand.  Ironically it makes me sad to look at.  But honestly all these changes and self expression are way more easier to swallow than the past self harm she has done to herself so I tend to take it in stride.

You have such a great question about how to communicate and get her to open up.

If I really want to talk to my daughter most of the time being direct works best for us.  I might say something like "hey- tonight I want to talk to you for 15 minutes lets go out and get a quick coffee".  This way I am preparing her that I want to talk later- I usually have to say "Its nothing bad- I just want to catch up real quick"- so she doesn't wonder if she is in trouble.  But I give her a little time to prep and not just burst into her space and start questioning her.  ( Ok, I have done it that way too, but it usually doesn't get me the results I want)  I honestly tell her-" I just want to connect with you".  Even joking together or listening to music in the car together is connection- I take what I can get and I have learned to appreciate the little fleeting moments with her.

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Re: My 13 year old daughter has tattooed herself

hello Sunflowermum and Eriamb

My daughter currently has Green and Purple hair with shaved sides. I can live with this as it is temporary.  Her makeup at times makes me cringe.  She is 14 and has a goth style. And the 5 tattoos that she had marked her own body with. 

 

Luckily my daughter is very good at communicating with me since her first suicide attempt.

 

We use the traffic light system at home and it works. 

 

She seems to be fed up with talking to psychologists, and even refuses to go to some of the appointments.  Talking about her issues now feel like an attack and the methods suggested to deal with these issues are not working for her.

 

I drove her to school today and she has refused to get out of the car and now we are at home and I am not at work (getting in some much trouble at work).  I am going to make her do some Maths and English exercises so she does not feel she has a free ride at home.

 

I am at the point of wondering if we are buying too much into the whole Psychology with our kids and need to go back to good old fashioned discipline.