My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Reply
Casual scribe

My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

My 15 year old daughter has not been home in the last 3 weeks.

 

She left after we had a fight about her not attending school and hanging around the station with other kids that have dropped out of school.

Initially she left without any of her clothes or toiletries, I dropped them off to her the one and only day she went back to school and the school rang me.  She has blocked me on social media, and does not tell me where she is staying, occassionally the Mums text me to tell me that my daughter is there but most nights I am left sleepless not knowing where she is.

I have had the police pick her up twice and bring her home but she just leaves again and I can't chain her to the house (though I would like to).

I don't know how to get her to come back home and go back to school.

She was seeing a counseller but they all seem to leave and pass her onto someone else that she does not gell with and she has to start again - so she has said no to any counselling and won't talk to me.

No one seems to be able to do anything and I am really struggling waiting for her to make up her mind when she wants to come back.

Scribe

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

 

Doreen
Highlighted
Mod

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hi there @stressedout this is such a difficult time for parents, at fifteen it is not uncommon for young women to push boundaries to the extreme and throughout the process it creates so much anxiety for the family on the receiving end. You mention this behaviour has all stemmed from a fight regarding school attendance, does this reaction seem extreme? Is there anything else that could be going on in her life, anything you've noticed leading up to this? We have a free service called ReachOut parents coaching I would highly recommend checking out, it helps parents navigate through situations just like this. I can imagine you would be immensely worried, what are your own supports like? Do you see a therapist yourself?

 

I will tag some other members Smiley Happy @sunflowermom @taokat @Orbit64 

Contributor

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hi @stressedout

My heart goes out to you.  As a parent I could only imagine the sadness and worry this is causing you and your family.  Is there a limit to how many times the police can get involved?  I think I would just keep getting her back until finally maybe she will have a conversation with you where you just listen to what is going on.  If its the school thing, maybe home school or other options in your country are worth looking into.  If its possible see if she will meet you for lunch and bring a neutral third party if necessary....a mediator if things typically escalate. Hugs to you.  We are here for you.

Active scribe

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hi @stressedout

I really feel for you, and for her.  Things can escalate quickly at this age, and with all the best intentions we, as parents, might fuel the flames. 

It seems like it is key to communicate to her that, above all, you love her and care about her safety.  Perhaps you can let her know that you would like her to let you know that she is safe, even if through someone else.  Or ask the other parents to let you know that she is safe, but that also means that you need to respect her distance and not try to meet her without her permission. 

Perhaps this is a time to stand back and wait for her to feel able to talk to you. Perhaps offer to take all your expectations off the table for now, and just begin a dialogue to build up mutual trust.  It may be helpful for you to seek counselling in how to approach your daughter, even if she does not currently want to attend counselling.  All the best.

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hi @stressedout, I can only imagine how worried you are and my heart goes out to you. It can be so confusing when our teens shut us out and we feel we’ve lost our connection with them. 

 

I haven’t a lot to add to the wonderful suggestions given already, but thought I’d give you think link here to a resource on effective communication with teens that is really helpful. 

I’ve found that by changing the way I communicate with my daughter has really helped bridge that gap. 

 

The coaching is fabulous as well, I highly recommend looking into it. 

 

How are you managing? Is there anything you do that is just for you, that makes you feel good? Self care really helps us cope and not lose ourselves entirely in our often stressful role as a parent Heart

Frequent scribe

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hello @stressedout

 

I know that your post is a few months old.  Are you still around these boards and, if so, how is your daughter doing?  I, too, have a 15 year old daughter who, at one point, left home for a couple of weeks.  I still very much worry about her. 

 

I hope you  and your daughter are safe and cared for.  Please give an update if you can, fellow mother-of-a-15-year-old-daughter....

 

 

Casual scribe

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hello @compassion

I have really been given a lifeline because she is actually enrolled in a school 3 hours from Perth and she is engaged and loving it so far, I have received compliments on her attitude and manners - but its only early days.  She is staying with friends of the family who are going to look after her for the rest of term 4 and there is nothing else to do down there but to go to school and play sport.

She was trying to go back to school but her friends were at the station texting her to meet them, the school did nothing to help me keep her there and we had many discussions about her doing art at lunch for which they simply got her to colour in - which surprise surprise did not keep her at school and away from the station.

After she came home, I pretty much had to let her do what she wanted because I was afraid that she would simply leave again.  I had booked her into counselling and I had a life coach also to try and get her back on track.

I found the parenting coarse really valuable with "ReachOut", I could simply work through small scenarios with my daughter and try and get some rules back into place with consequences.  They were working but it was taking a long time and her school life was slipping away but they were working.

My daughter would turn off her phone and then come home when she wanted, and sometimes would just text me to say she was not coming home.  It was all of my nightmares...

Anyway, she is now in school and she has really turned around - but it was getting her away from her friends who had all the influence that was the hardest to do and it was never going to happen while she was at home and they had access to her.

Good luck - there is small comfort in knowing that you are not the only one and that there are lots of parents out there in similar situations just trying to navigate and hope that their children make the right decisions if they ever get into trouble.

Mod

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Hi @stressedout, it sounds like things have really taken a different path for you and your family. How are you feeling with your daughter being away from you? It is great to hear that you found out parenting course and coaching helpful. It is also amazing to hear that your daughter is adjusting well and finding a strategy that works for keeping her busy and in school. You have also provided amazing support and comfort to other members here which I know will be super helpful, so we all thank you! Smiley Happy

Contributor

Re: My 15 year old daughter has not come home in the last 3 weeks.

Dear @stressedout you give me hope.  Now that my daughter has just returned this week.  Its super scary.  I feel that walking on egg shells and I am terrified she might want to leave even though she says she doesn't.  But she is having some bad PTSD episodes right now.  She has access to some sort of therapy every couple days- which will hopefully help.  As far as rules, we are letting her have a say, she can be on internet near us, and we are doing small outings to let her be with friends.  I will give extra trust in hopes she keeps opening up.  I wish there was a book on what to do once they return......