Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

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Community Manager

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

@taokat I am thinking of you in this super challenging time, and sending support your way Heart
All I can say is what an incredibly loving, supportive and considerate mum we all know you to be.
This is a situation that no person is ever truely ready to in, and I think getting yourself support is really important. - well done for making the first step to see your GP and get a mental health care plan. I know it can be really tough to prioritise yourself in all of this, so that's huge. 

 

I hope that you had a productive appointment today about plan going home that was supportive and covered the things you were worried about. Let us know how it went, and how you are Heart

 

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support Heart

 

@Schooner, I did have a giggle at your comment "I do believe with the clarity that will come in later life they will forgive us for trying so hard to help them." Thank you Smiley LOL

Sadly I think you're right about the system and my daughter questioned what she had to do to get help when her psych wanted to send her home. She's been asking for help for ages now and not been heard. It has taken some honest, blunt discussions to even get the help we have now. 

 

@Tulip I'm so glad that you are getting help too. As @gina-Ro said, it can be really hard to prioritise ourselves. It's taken me two weeks to get organised but thankfully have an appointment on Monday afternoon through the hospital.

 

My meeting went really well yesterday and I'm feeling way more positive and hopeful. The psychiatrist working with my daughter is really thorough and is looking into the reasons my daughter behaves the way she does. She's being treated for anxiety and depression and will be having therapy for her quirks that cause her problems. We didn't discuss the plan for coming home as they've decided to keep her there a little bit longer, which I must admit I'm relieved about. 

 

My daughter hasn't wanted to see me, but I've spoken to her each night and taking her out for a visit tomorrow which I'm looking forward to Smiley Happy

 

Active scribe

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Hi taokat,

     It’s great to hear that you are finding time to keep yourself strong through this. I hope your daughter finds the help that she needs. Your feelings/concerns about how things will pan out when your daughter comes home are very understandable. It’s so important that you don’t try to manage it all on your own. Sometimes we can’t manage our beautiful girls all on our own and we need to be willing to ask for help. Good on you for doing just that. ❤️

Mod

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Awesome news @taokat, that is great to hear that things are looking more positive and hopeful. It sounds like you are getting a lot of supports in place an taking each situation as it comes which is really important sometimes.

Thanks for your support @Mum2018, some very lovely sentiments and affirmations that you have offered.
Prolific scribe

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Well @taokat, I wonder if it might be worthwhile letting your daughter know that she is not the only one who has struggled to be taken seriously by the hospital system. I think knowing that others had to "push it" too might have helped my son.

 

There's a whole other topic there, of course, about why kids have to resort to suicide attempts in order to get attention from the system. But that's not going to be solved in the near future, unfortunately.

 

I hope you guys are doing a little better. 

Cheers

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Thank you @Mum2018 and @Taylor-RO. My daughter's coming home on Friday and we're having a meeting tomorrow to find out the safety plan and the steps forward from here. I've really had to take some time for myself and so glad I have. I feel much more confident about my daughter coming home having supports in place to help us. 

 

@Schooner, I will let my daughter know she's not the only one. I certainly think it will help her not take it so personally as that part of it has affected her self esteem. 

 

The mental health care system is certainly flawed, and I've learnt to be vocal about my daughter's needs and to question decisions made. It's bloody exhausting, frustrating and adds to the stress but worth it when we do get the help for our teens that they need. 

 

I've also seen a social worker and seeing a psychiatrist on Friday to have my own medication looked at, so I'm feeling like we'll be okay Smiley Happy

Contributor

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Hi @taokat

I've just read all that's been going on lately with you.  My heart breaks for you.  Why does it feel like we get so far and things go downhill?  I feel like its sometimes impossible to get out of the fog not knowing what will happen in the next moment.

I am so glad you are getting the support and help you need for yourself. I am hoping the time your daughter is spending in hospital is giving her more tools, skills and strength.

My daughter has been struggling with backwards steps lately.  Self harm and no communication.  It seems to have come out of nowhere.  I am left confused and grieving once again.  Honestly, yesterday I felt like a switch went off in my head and I myself was ready to give up.  I am pushing through this morning not quite as broken but in a fog.

Sending you loving thoughts @taokat

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Hi @sunflowermom, thank you for your support. I can totally relate to your feelings of confusion, grief and feeling like giving up. It's all made harder when we see progress in our kids - our hopes and expectations rise, so we have further to fall when our kids trip on a hurdle. It's such a rollercoaster and that fog can become quite thick and blinding can't it?! I've been finding it really hard to think clearly or concentrate. 

My daughter came home on Friday saying she felt much happier and settled. The fog is slowly clearing but I'm not putting pressure on either of us at the moment to be doing better than we are, if that makes sense? 

 

I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is struggling at the moment and self harming again. It's so hard to separate our emotions from what's happening with our teens and I really feel for you both going through this. You do such an amazing job supporting your daughter, and others in the forum, so I hope you can see that too. Sending loving thoughts across the oceans to you too Heart

Community Manager

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Hi @sunflowermom and @taokat,

 

I'm really sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you both lately. Recovery for young people does happen but it can feel like a really long road, and sometimes it can be hard to have to walk beside and not be able to take steps forward for the person you are supporting. I certainly feel this at times. 

 

I'm seeing that you have both mentioned feeling the effects of supporting a child experiencing mental health concerns. I'm not sure if you are both in Australia but there are a number of services available to support parents/families and carers to access counselling, peer support, respite and a number of other programs. Your health is incredibly important right now, and we want to give you every option available to you to support your wellbeing too Heart Below are some Australian services you might be interested in:

 

1. National Carers Counselling service

2. Mental Health Carers Counselling

3. Young Carers Programs (can be helpful for siblings)

 

If you are in another country, I'm sure that there will be carer support services too that can be a helpful resource and definitely worth exploring if you are interested.

 

Keep reaching out to let us know how you are going Heart

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: Trying to manage after my daughter's suicide attempt

Thanks so much @Jess1-RO, those links are fantastic. I'm in Aus so definitely an addition to my parent/carer toolbox! 

 

The reminder that recovery does happen is always valuable and comforting to hear. As a mum I find that walking beside without being able to make the steps for my daughter really emotionally exhausting and taxing, despite knowing that it is in my daughter's best interest to step back and let her find her way. You'd think that knowledge would help me separate my feelings, but it's something I need to work on more.