daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

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Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hi @taokat and @Sister

I loved the idea of making a positive poster!  That would give me something fun to do.  Things are still a bit rough around here.  We are either overly busy with appointments and running all around or asleep on the couch.  Its not much of a balance.  

To be honest I am having a heck of a time trying to take care of myself.  I get up and dressed and I eat.  The basics- but its so easy to get sucked into revolving around how my daughter feels and her mood of the day.  It fully effects the way I feel- and right now I am just so darn tired.  I think today when I take her to therapy I will make an appointment for myself.

I know self care is key, so I can take care of her too.  Just another tough challenge I am facing right now.

Hugs to you!

 

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Taokat.....I adored your idea around the poster.

 

I have a few journals.....one I use to write only POSITIVE things down. This can include positive words I have read or heard plus useful thoughts that have crossed my mind. Reading the  journal helps me on the difficult days I have had with my son and is a reminder that positivity and gratitude rise above the negatives.

 

I find "writing" very therapeutic and a useful tool to assist when things aren't going great.

 

I shall try the poster and crayons as well. Thank you.

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hi Sunflower,

 

Yes. Our teenagers can become our life but we need one too!

 

I have decided to get some counselling as well so hope you make an appointment. It was something I procrastinated about for ages but finally took the time and step to see my GP and get a referral. The counsellor the doctor recommended was booked out for 4 months (!) but I've managed to get into see their colleague this Friday. Fingers (and toes) crossed for us both.

 

 

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hi Sister
I am so glad you are going to seeing a counsellor- honestly that sounds like the best self-care you can give yourself.
I will make that appointment too. I just feel myself getting darker and darker and my family sees it too. Everyday it gets a little harder to be the support, I just feel like a shell trying to hold all the contents together.

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hi@sunflowermum,

 

I can fully appreciate where you are coming from.

Hope you have managed to get into a counsellor soon.

I went today.....it was good to offload....even though the problems are still there.

 

Take Care Sunflower....may your light shine soon.....am sure its still in there somewhere and when you find it again.......know that there are other people on a similar road with our teens. I'm right beside you.

 

Sis

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hey @sunflowermom, balance can be difficult to maintain during the tough times, and something I sometimes struggle with - purely because it reminds me of how unconventional our life is! So I know the stress comes from my thoughts and my own ideas of what my life 'should' be like.

 

Reality is that balance can't help but be toppled. It's exhausting, and I have always been affected by my daughter's moods as well. When she did go to school she was always in a bad mood in the morning. I'd spend the day in a low mood and worrying about her, and so many times she would have had a great day in be in a good mood. She's the same in the mornings before tafe, so I now stay in bed til she's gone. She gets off without having had a dummy spit, and my mood isn't affected. We text when she's on the train on the way there and all is good. 

So my point was, sleep when you need to! I so hope you can get in to see a counsellor as well. They could help you work out a new balance and be part of your self care. 

 

How would you feel starting off with a 5 minute deep breathing exercise either when you wake up or before bed? Lie or sit comfortably and just concentrate on the sensation of your breath as you breathe in and out. It takes practice to remain focused, but that's okay. When your mind wanders, just come back to your breathing and the rise and fall of your chest as your breathe. If you google 'mindful breathing' or 'deep breathing exercises', you'll find videos as well that can talk you through. 

 

I also like another exercise where you lie down, close your eyes, and focus on your muscles. You start at your feet and tell yourself to feel your toes relaxing, then each foot, ankle, your calf muscles etc, going over whole body. It's really does make my body feel more relaxed. 

 

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hello @Sister

Your words are so comforting!  Thank you!  Today I am waiting for my first therapy appointment - phone call part first.  I am happy its the first step but I know I need it.  I am glad your went well- probably feels great to get stuff out.

 

Hi @taokat

You are so right our life is so unconventional.  I guess I didn't know how great I had it before all this happened.  But I already feel like a different person, stronger somehow.  Plus I don't freak out over little trivial things so much anymore.

I really like your idea of testing to check in with your daughter- I think I will do that more too.

Today I went to the gym and enjoyed a step class.  It felt great to do something for me, even for just an hour.  I will try the mindful breathing like you suggested.  It will help to clear my mind before I sleep.

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

@taokat

Reading your post indicated that you have made real progress with your own coping mechanisms. The fact that you now stay in bed until your daughter leaves for TAFE is a real letting go. It must feel quite liberating for you.....the concerns shall always be there but you are responding to your daughters moods by looking after YOU and that is commendable!

Mindfulness, meditation and relaxation have been a huge part of my life also and have helped enormously for me to deal with my son.....especially when dealing with his angry outbursts. Nine times out of ten I manage to just mindfully breathe and walk away but it has been really difficult for me of late. I am only human and need to practice forgiveness for my own reactions. Such a test!

 

@sunflowermom

Thats wonderful that you managed to take some time out for yourself. Exercise is so beneficial. Even when we feel exhausted or unmotivated its a credit to ourselves for taking action and going to a class. So.....well done for achieving that! Hope you continue with doing these positive things for yourself.

How is your daughter?

Soooooo glad you have taken the first step regarding the counselling. Doing this is another positive step and I hope you achieve benefits from going. I have learnt not to expect miracles....in other words let go of my needing perfection all the time. So, going for the counselling....I am not expecting miracles or for her to come up with a solution.....thats up to me and she is there to guide and listen. This quality of listening is what I value in someone and I try and listen to others as well. Am learning to give myself credit for positives as haven't had a great deal of joy in my life the last few years. Without sounding like a victim, its been incredibly difficult trying to manage my sons difficulties on my own. So good to have a whinge and "thank you" for "listening".

 

Have a great weekend @taokat and @sunflowermom

Sending you both peaceful thoughts.

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

New update-

Things have been going really well for over a week now.  Self harm is less often, and mood has changed significantly.  She is very excited to start going back to school in one more week.  Since for the past 6 weeks she has been in home school. I also just returned to work full time, which is great because we were going broke in this process.

This part I don't get.....

I am so nervous.  Yes, I am thrilled to see more glimpse of our "old life"  and the way she used to be.  But I am worried about when it could possibly all fall apart.  Because when its dark, life can be such a nightmare- and I never want to go back there.  I'm finding it hard to accept that she is actually healing.  I wish I could also pin point all the reasons she is healing so I could give advice to others going through this.  But I Cant say it has been 1 thing.  I think the right meds have played a big part and me not hovering so much plays another part and all her therapy has played another part. 

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

I also wanted to ask how are things going for you guys?

@Sisterand @taokat