daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

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Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Thank you @Sister @taokat @Breez-RO

Your words kept me going yesterday.  I honestly read and re-read your messages while at work trying to push through the day without breakdown.  Yesterday I must admit I had suicidal ideation myself, feeling like a stuck caged animal, ready to give up.  My daughter and I talked, fought, and cried through the day. In the end we fell asleep holding hands.  Today I am up and ready to start again.  We have therapy today centered around the incident and we will figure out some steps to prevent this mistake from happening again.  I am still broken hearted but I am ready to push on.  I decided not to tell my husband everything that happened, I will carry this one.  Because it wont change any facts and it wont ease any pain.  I don't want him to experience what I am experiencing.  Thank you again to this community.  I don't know how I would get through without you.

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hey @sunflowermom, I'm so sorry to hear you had such a traumatic day, but I'm so glad you were able to get relief from reading the community's messages to you. My heart is aching for you, it's such a horrible place to be when you're feeling like you just can't go on but knowing you have to. 

 

How did the therapy session go? I so hope it has given you both some understanding and a direction forward. I can see why you have decided to keep this from your husband, but it leaves you carrying the whole burden of your own thoughts and feelings, so please use the forum as your sounding board. It's too much for you to carry alone, and you know we'll always support you.

 

Thinking of you.

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Things have finally evened out just a bit in the last day or so.  For me I am understanding it takes about 3 days to recover from something extremely shocking.  Our session in therapy with my daughter and myself really helped on Wed. we will get through this- I am now hyper aware of her lack of impulse control.  Its a bit scary but better knowing so hopefully we can get some help and care around that too.  On a lighter note.  Today we have to deal with the repercussions of dying her hair cotton candy pink!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!  The love and support in this group has been amazing and honestly you all have kept me pushing forward this week.  Thank you all!

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hey @sunflowermom, it does take time to recover, and I always try to be really kind to myself in that time. You've both been through so much recently - could you and your daughter go and do something together - see a movie or get your nails done or something you'd both enjoy?

 

I'm so happy to hear that your appointment went so well. I totally agree with you that knowing what's going on is the first step in recovery. Learning what the triggers are or the thoughts or bodily sensations has helped my daughter to identify what's going on and use her "tools" so things don't escalate constantly like they used to. 

 

I had a giggle about your daughter's hair. Oh dear!  But hey, that's an impulsive move we can live with!! I dyed my hair hot pink when I was maybe 15 lol. The first morning I woke up and saw myself in the mirror I vomited!! However that was just the start with my hair Smiley LOL Let us know how you go!

 

I hope you and the family have a lovely weekend too. Heart

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hello 

Just pushing through another difficult time.  In family group last night my daughter had a break down.  We were not sure if ew should hospitalize her again or keep watch at home.  We chose the later.  She is having some scary mood swings.  I know she is frightened and doesn't know how to explain everything she is feeling.  She keeps saying "I don't know."  And She has quit self harming in one form and gone to another which I am scared about. She will be starting a new 2 week day program to gain some coping skills.  That starts in a couple days.  And since being out of school for the past week and a half her school counselor decided its best to go back to home teaching until the end of the year.  Its where a teacher comes once a week to your home and its one on one teaching.  We have mixed feelings because of losing socialization.  But I will feel  little better since she puts herself in dangerous positions at school and makes bad choices.  Oh, and I did take her stash of pot away yesterday when I came home and found her high. That didn't go over well- but I know drugs are effecting her terrible mood swings. Just feeling back at square one.  Today I see a therapist for myself to unload. my daughter will be sleeping under my desk at work until my appointment today.  Sometimes life feels like a walking dream/nightmare that I cant wake up from.

Community Manager

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

I'm sorry to hear this @sunflowermom. It sounds like a really difficult situation to navigate and that it would generate all kinds of emotions for you. I am glad that you've got your therapist's support today and of course you have all of our support too Heart

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hello- I just wanted to give a new update on our life over here.  My daughter attended a 2 week intense DBT program a month ago.  It was as if a light switch went on.  She has made progress in so many incredible ways.  She no longer only stays in bed, she has made herself a place in our backyard to get some sunlight.  She is engaging with the family and doing her home/school work without being reminded. Her medication dosage went up just a bit and she said she feels it might finally be actually helping the depression.  This weekend we had her 15th birthday with 7 teens sleeping over.  Which in retrospect I do NOT recommend.  Too overwhelming for healing teens.  She smoked pot even though she promised us and her best friend who is very against it that she would not.  Long story short she may have lost her best friend since 1st grade over it.  Her mom even called me and said her daughter can never spend the night again.  I am heartbroken because I love this friend of my daughter's very much.  Not to mention I was embarrassed and ashamed of my daughters impulsive decision and felt judged as a bad parent for even ever allowing my daughter pot ( even though she said nothing like that) .  My daughter regrets her decision and cried last night for hours over it.  I am trying to help her know that time can heal many wounds and we all make mistakes.  I think it was a good lesson for my daughter to see that our actions have consequences.  Sorry long post- I still feel this month there has been tremendous progress even with a few setbacks.  No self harm in almost 2 months- for us that is HUGE.  I took lots of pictures and enjoyed her birthday because good times are precious and not to be taken for granted.

Parent Peer Supporter

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hey @sunflowermom, it's so lovely to hear how well your daughter is going and the amazing changes you've seen in her. I'm so glad she feels her medication is helping, and that the DBT program was so positive for her.

 

That's such a shame about her best friend, but hopefully over time that relationship can repair. It might come down to your daughter needing to make some choices about what she prioritises, and it might just be the thing to help her stop smoking for good which would be the best thing for her. Do you know where she got the money for it, or do others who came to the party smoke as well? As heartbroken as you are, you have shown what a great mum you are - it's really huge that your daughter talks to you and trusts in you. That is because of you! Remember that Smiley Happy

 

Life has its ups and downs, but it does sound like your daughter is making some awesome choices that you clearly recognise which is so positive for your daughter. And I so agree - good times are so precious and deserve to be celebrated. 

Mod

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Hey @sunflowermom, so awesome to hear that your daughter has made such significant progress. This must be such a relief and a proud moment for you. It can be really hard to find something that works for you, so I am glad your daughter has found this. I really hope her achievement continues so please keep us updated!

I am also sorry to hear that your daughter lost her best friend, which has been hard on both you. Hopefully some positives can come out of the situation, as you and @taokat mentioned Smiley Happy It is definitely important to appreciate the 'high' moments when there are also 'lows' and this would have been a very special moment for you both.

Contributor

Re: daughter hostialized twice for suicidal intentions- im grieving

Thank you @Taylor-RO and @taokat for your kind words and support.  Having others to talk to that understand what I am going through as a parent is the world.  It means so much and I appreciate you.