Hi @Sunshine72  Thank you for he kind words and right back at you too xx   Re how did wee go when he left and dint come back well not easy thats for sure but im sure he just went to another friends house but sadly as so many lies have been told its hard to know. He ate dinner with us last night which has been happening more lately but he doesnt talk unless you talk to him and its usually one word answer at best. Then as per normal straight back up to his room after he has eaten. We keep trying to chat with him about pretty much anything but we dont always get a response. Today still refused togo to school so im trying really hard to come to terms with it. How did your weekend finish? Hope it went ok Thinking of you guys xx ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72    Sadly we dont feel very strong its just so hard seeing everyone else's kids but yours wants nothing to do with you , wont go to school , wont get a job and who knows sometimes where he is or what he is doing.   Yes they were out all night . We tried to reach them but didnt answer. When we range him to say we were home. He didnt even say hello just say can my mate stay and my husband said no he hung up. Your son sadly is right the police probably wont do anything. My son always says the same he doesn't care. Were did we go wrong? Its good you have tried to tell him about art schools to see if he would go there rather than graffiti but again we cant force them and they know it. My heart is broken like yours its just so sad to see them like this. I dont think they realise what they are missing out on. My son did see someone a while agao but the lady left and he refused to see her replacement. He hasnt been again but I have offered so im hoping at some point he may come around. My son just cant cope with you saying no he just cant deal with it emotionally .My husband got  nowhere with the people he called .  My husand and I just said the same thing we hope for the best but expect the worst . I agree it's not great to be negative but it's just realistic at the moment. I know people say he will come back eventually but to be honest im not too sure about that anymore. At least he just text asking to be picked up never please or thank you and for sure will just go up to his room and not talk to us but at least he is home. Thinking of you guys x   ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72  Yes I saw that your post appeared then disappeared lol   Im glad your son came home thats a good sign and that he brought his friend. Its better to have them at home then not know where they are. My hubby and I still said no re the friend staying as my son was so rude and manipulative and we did offer all alternatives. They both came home the next day. It has been a weekend of ups and downs a few meltdowns from my son and still no way he is going back to school so he says. My hubby and I are trying so hard to not take his explosive reactions personally as they are so extreme. We keep trying to keep communication open and as soon as he lets us will book him in to see someone again. He is saying things to us like I have no clothes , he does have clothes and is only now learning to bring them down if he wants them washed but he says to my hubby ill go to school if you buy me clothes. The clothes he wants are all brand names. Im not falling for that any more. We are trying to stick with a fair plan and if he cant manage that then he needs to think about going back to school or get a job. Its not easy as you know but we have to do it. He has clothes he has food all here we are just not going to be manipulated anymore and we know he needs help to regulate his emotions but until he lets us book him in there is not much more we can do. OMG your right about it all happening to you at once with things breaking onto of having to try and navigate your son I see how that would have affected you. I must say when I hear people say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I want to punch them hahahahaha My hubby and I are also paranoid like you said re the egging because we have so many emotions running thru our heads and our sons arent telling us where they are and if they did you dont know if its the truth either. But im sure the egging was just a random thing.   Hope your weekend gets better and at least you have them home at the moment which is great xx ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72  Sorry I didnt reply last night . Even though your son said he would say something to the deputy at school im glad he didnt because im sure they would have contacted you so thats good. Still I know what you mean by stressing out every time your phone rings because you straight away think oh no here we go. Its an awful way to be but unfortunately its just how things are right now. Did he come home last night? Im not sure re the Melbourne thing whether he can go or not? Maybe have look on the airlines website it may give you some ideas. I didnt get a chance to send the message to my son. He ended up going to school for 1.5 hours so I spent the whole day waiting for him to go then pretty much dropping him off then going back and picking him up.Im sure the school will have alot to say when my hubby goes to the meeting Monday. Im also sure my son wont go back now because of what happened below as he does hold a grudge. When I picked him up he was in a mood and I just nicely said I understand you dont like this school and im happy to help you find another school or if you really cant do school then you will need to find a job. He just gave me a filthy look and said stop talking . When we got home he came to me and said can my mate stay tonight. Now I have always said yes in the past but tonight for the first time in ages my hubby and I were going out. We had tickets to an event that was between 6-9pm so I said sorry not tonight as we are going out and I dont want any kids here while we are not home. My son said well what time are you getting back and I said im not sure so he said well we will come back when you're home. I said no sorry your friend can stay tomorrow night just not tonight. Well that kicked off by im saying ok well we will stay in the streets then. I didnt react then he said can my mates come until you go out and I said yes but you may want to tidy your room as it's pretty bad. Then 2 min later 1 mate came who we had met before and is polite then about 30 min later while I was upstairs another one came who my husband had never met. They were having a great time upstairs . My husband went up 15 min before we left to say we are going and it's time to go and offered to drop the kids home . The polite kids said no problems but the other one didnt speak. Next min they all left I asked my son where are you going he just looked at me. My hubby and I went out and when we got home we saw that the mate had left his bag at our house. so clearly my son had all intentions of him staying even though we had said no  even the friend heard us say no not tonight. Anyway my hubby called my son to say we are home and offer the friend a lift home to his house. My son answered and said can my mate stay didnt even say   hello and my hubby said no sorry we said not tonight so my son just hung up. My hubby called him back and said that we could drive his friend home but my son said no and he wasnt coming home because we wouldnt let his friend stay and hung up. So we had no idea who this friend is if his parents even know that he was staying with us and also have no idea where they stayed. He basically tried to blackmail us in a way saying if you dont let my friend stay then im not coming home because he knows how much I worry. You just cant win. So that is my weekend so far. I have spent the morning second questioning myself thinking maybe we should have said ok but then thats not helping my son but then he would have been home who knows. My hubby and I spent ages cleaning up the aftermath of the boys being in his room before we went out, You have no idea it looked like a massive frat party had occurred . I have no idea what today will bring im sure he will not talk to us as in his mind he will think they made me sleep on the streets and I really dont understand why that other friend just didnt ring his parents to pick him up or let us drive him home. Surely he must have been uncomfortable knowing that we didnt want anyone staying over. Hope your weekend is going better than ours so far xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72    Yes def a few positives yesterday but sadly not today. My husband and I have attempted to get my son to go to school we have been in his room over 10 times with no luck. Im not going in again we have notified the school that he isnt coming so now it will be up to him.  We will stick with our original plan and brace ourselves for what is coming. How are things at your end? How are you and your hubby? I know im not sure why they wont give us an option to chat privately as I too feel odd about sharing everything for everyone to read. I do though like you enjoy the support and connection we give each other . Fingers crossed for our pending weekends xx ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72 I agree waiting till Thurs to talk to you is a bit rough for him and you. The anxiety would be hard not knowing. I would have thought if it was bad they would have contacted you early. Oh yes the dreaded weekend yep i hear you we are in the same boat and our kids dont get the worry we have. Well here things have been good and i suppose interesting. My husband tried to wake my son up as normal this morning but he said no im going later. Anyway strolled down around 10.30 and said he was going for a trim ( the school had told him last term and he refused) so thats a positive. I said what time am i taking u to school he said after that. Another positive. By the time he had the haircut stalled and carried on i dropped him at school at lunch time. He went for 2 periods YAY i couldnt believe it. I picked him up and he was not happy saying he hates the school. I said i know you do but if you can hang in for 3 more weeks you will get thru year 9. I also said if you cant then we can look at other schools that may take you so you finish year 9. He saying no point as im failing. I told him if you go and try then they wont fail you as they will take an average mark for the whole year. But if you dont go at all then yes they probably will fail you. He said stop talking about it you have been talking about it for 20 min. I hadnt but i left it at that. He came home and i asked him to tidy his room and bring any washing down and he ignored me. He then came down and said im going to the shopping center. I said what for he said to catch up with his mate. He then said can i have $10 bucks for chips i said no i could give you $5 I wanted to look like i was compromising by giving him something even though i told him yesterday i wasnt giving him any more money but thought it might be like a reward for going to school. He text me asking to pick him up and when we got home he is straight back into not speaking. I asked again can you please tidy your room and bring any washing down and he just ignored me i asked again and he shrugged his shoulders then said you have asked 100 times and walked off. The rudeness is so frustrating after running around for him all day. Its lucky i dont work. Oh well he wont be getting money again until its done. My hubby and I are not convinced he will go to school tom so if he doesnt we have worded a message to send him as he wont speak to us just to let him know that if he doesnt go back to school he needs to get a job to support himself. Its worded very gently with options but he has to know what options are available so he can make a choice. I know he will read a text and its sad that this is how i have to tell him but if i try and talk he shuts it down and doesnt hear it Long winded sorry and dont get me wrong we had some positives today i just want him to know what his options are so he can make his choice but at the same time cant blame us for any consequences that may come with his choice. Hole that makes sense. Im here for you this weekend we will get thru it together x ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72 Thankyou for your kind words. Im ok just some days are harder than others. Everyone we see says to set clear boundries but as you know its not that easy if you can even get them to communicate. We are just playing it a day/ hour at a time. I feel my son knows that if he chooses not to go to school then he will need a job to support himself. My husband and I are just going to see how things go by only giving him minimal money but if he def decides no more school then we will have to gently let him know and give him a sort of timeframe re supporting himself by getting a job but also still letting him know there is always a bed and food here for him and that we love and care for him. I dont want to just cut him off cold turkey as i believe its worse but he will have to know it will happen if thats the path he chooses. Not trying to control him but more show him that choices you make in life come with good or bad consequences. If that makes sense Again we are not experts and things change constantly so we shall see. I hope your day was better and we are lucky that we are working with our hubbies as alot of relationships can end over this xx ... View more

Hello @Sunshine72  Wow that whole first paragraph explains our lives so well its identical! Re the school wanting a meeting I dont think its a good meeting to be honest its with the Head of Year 9 and the Principle.  Im pretty sure its to advise us that my son can no longer go. He hasnt been for many weeks now and I feel they have had enough.  I think thats why I cant bring myself to go. Hypnotherapy is just something I was trying to try and help with my anxiety but im not sure it works , its very weird. We too have tried to communicate options with our son re school or alternatives but he just tells us to get out so you cant even finish a conversation. My husband called the Youth Disengagement Service today and left a message to see if they can help. Sadly I have had a setback im not in a good place I wake up so early and cant stop dry retching. My husband now is also waking up with aniexty. I feel like we are falling apart again and im scared. My husband went up to my sons room this morning and said good morning are you going to school he grunted no. I have a cleaner who comes here once a fortnight and she is due today and my sons room is a disgrace. Last time I just told her to leave his room but this time I thought no. I pay for her to come and he needs to get up and sit in another room until his room is cleaned. Anyway after many mumbling back and fourth he finally got up and out of his room. I asked if he wanted any food he said no im going out (8.30am) I said where are you going he said to the local shop centre and I said who with he said a mate. I said to him we really need to talk about what is happening he just looked at me. I couldnt help it but I was so anxious I told a white lie and said well your dad and I are probably going to court. He said you're not going to court and I said well they have called the department of education on us. He just looked at me and then started to walk off and I just said whatever. I know thats not the truth but im fearful that is what is going to happen after the school meeting Monday afternoon anyway. Then about 5 min later my son text me saying I'll go to school tomorrow. I must admit I didnt expect that but he also has said that numerous times before too. I replied to him and said thanks that would be great even if its only a half day. He text back ok. I know that sounds great but we have been down this road so many times I have lost count.   Im so glad your son went to school, thats fantastic it really is. It sounds like today will be a good day for you and im so happy for you because you deserve it. It looks like he is trying to make an effort which is great . Hope today is a great day for you and im thinking of you x  PS Yes I feel for our hubbies and anyone living in hell like this its just so sad xx ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72 Hello hope you are doing ok x Well as i though no to school again today. I feel like its to hard for him now cause he hasnt been for a while but again who knows as he wont talk to us. He came home from his friends this morning and most of his friends go to school and as i had told him yesterday i would be at an appointment so he would just need to call his dad and he could open the gate remotely. I had my hypnotherapy session which goes for 2 hours so i had my phone turned off and of course my son must have forgotten and tried to contact me to open the gate. So as soon as i was finished i turned my phone on and recieved the barrage of messages as you could imagine. Anyway when i got home i went up to his room to see if he was going to school and got i dont know can you please leave. I tried again an hour later got the same. I asked if he wanted something to eat he said no. Then at around 3 pm he comes down rudely complaining that there is no food. I tried holding it together and offered may option like toastie, nuggets, pasta, fried rice and more and all i get is thats not real food. I walked away and said well let me know if you change your mind. The huffing and puffing the complaining was just too much today. He finally said ok ill have nuggets in the airfryer so i made them. Then all of a sudden his mood changed as he said1 of his friends was dropping in for a bit. Today im struggling i feel isolated and abused We live in a house that is run by him and his moods or demands. There are so many options re school but he wont even listen if we try and tell him. Tbe school rang my husband and have requested a meeting next monday. My son wont go and emotionally at the miment my cup is overflowing so my husband will go. I dont get why he doesnt go if all his friends do. I want to understand and believe me i have tried to gently find out bit no luck. Im exhausted and fear im going to give up on him. Sorry to vent about me x Its good your son is willing to take the ADHD meds at least most of the time. Its also great you didnt judge after he got called into the principle cause im sure some of his anxiety may have been that he might get in trouble at home too so well done. Its also great that you were able to talk to him about it. Did he go to school? I can certainly relate to him feeling like he was going to have a heart attack be ause it sounds very similar to a panic attack and although you are safe having a panic attack at the time you dont feel safe. I hope he went and had a better day and you went to work as hard as it is sometimes just to give yourself a break. Thinking of you x ... View more

Hi @Sunshine72 Please never apologise for late replies. The one thing we both know is how consuming this all is. I agree we were meant to meet on here. It just works because we both know what each other is going thru. We both have tried many diff approaches that havent worked and most importantly we are Mums and this hurts living like this. Even though we had our lightbulb moment we still seem to go 1 step forward 20 steps back. My son still didnt go to school today and said he was staying at a mates tonight but was going to school tom just later mmmm i said im not really keen on him going out on a so called school night but he says well im going to school tom. Ok im not silly he has used the going to school numerous times and it never happens so im not holding my breath. Also if i had said no you cant go out he would have just left and then held that against us. He holds grudges very easily Its all just so exhausting. Im still sticking with my plan and acknowledging the tiny positives and just keeping everything crossed that eventually things may change. It must be hard with hubby away. Im here so if you need to talk dont hesitate. Sometimes writing things down or just having a person to tell can help x My husband called the school they were hopeless. They dont do homeschool and to be honest they just didnt seem to care. I agree with you that the paediatrician seems to have some conflicting advice. Im certainly not an expert and all kids are different but we did the hard line sort of not to that extreme and it made things worse. Meds are scary because they take time to work and dont work on everyone but hasnt he been on them before? Did they help? Its so good though that she wrote a letter. I agree some schools can be very helpful but if they cant be confidential then it could make things worse. Is he still going to school? The fact that he went to see someone is awesome and you should try to take that as a positive . We cant get that to happen at the moment. I wish i could fix both our situations as its so hard but know no matter what im just a message away and will be here to listen and support you xx ... View more

Hello Sunshine 72 and @mmjmmj    Sorry I have been MIA just trying to deal with alot as im sure both of you can understand. @Sunshine72  I have been thinking of you and hope that you may have had a few better days x @mmjmmj Im sorry to hear you are also going thru this it is so hard and extremely frustrating.   Sorry long post On our front things have been good and not good. My husband and I had a light bulb moment last night that may explain a few things that have been happening. For years I always believed my son had ODD , he appeared to display all the signs and when alot younger we tried to have him assessed and the dr said he is on the border of the spectrum but I never pushed it and I should have. When we saw the physiologist and we told him what had been happening and that I had always thought my son may have some sort of ODD he said that it maybe time to stop thinking of him as being a pain in the **bleep** teenager and take a step back and try and see what is triggering these reactions. And if we think he maybe ODD then giving him ultimatums or trying to push him to do anything will only result in him pushing back harder and fracturing our relationship even more. My husband and I did some research and all the signs point to ODD. It was even more apparent last night. My son was going to a concert that all his friends were going to and he had been looking forward to it for a long time. He had told me the day earlier that he had sold his ticket to buy food as in his words because we had starved him and wouldnt give him money for food. We clearly hadn't starved him we just weren't giving him money or funding his social life as he we was refusing to go to school . We had told him there was food here at home and even offered the whole weekend (previously) to go and pick him up feed him then drop him off.Anyway yesterday he said that he hadn't actually sold his ticket but he was going to  because we had starved him. So I didnt react and then his mates came here and my husband drove them to the concert. The concert was 1 hour away so my husband had to drive them there come home then go back at night and pick them up over a 4 hour return trip.,which he was happy to do as we didnt want them going on public transport. In the car on the way my son couldnt find his ticket. He went from 0 to 100 in an instant . Calling me swearing not at me but swearing having a complete meltdown in front of his friends and blaming us for starving him.I calmly told him to not speak like that and I would look on internet to buy another ticket as we had all the other kids so no choice really but there was no settling him down. Even his friends were trying. Anyway eventually one of his friends grabbed his phone and found his ticket. Instantly he was back to normal. A long winded story but trying to explain that when things dont go his way or he is forced he has no control over his reactions and has a full blown stress response ( like a tantrum) . It also doesnt matter who is there either he just cant stop. Symptoms of ODD may include: frequent temper tantrums excessive arguing with adults active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior often being touchy or easily annoyed by others frequent anger and resentment mean and hateful talking when upset seeking revenge I am no expert but my son fits all of the above  Alot of his friends are younger than him and again I feel that this is also linked to ODD as because they are younger they look up to him and give him validation whereas most of the kids his age probably dont understand when he has an outburst. There are lot more things but I could go on for ages but he really does fit into this pattern. My husband and I are both very organised and I would say like things in control which is the exact opposite of what my son needs.  My husband and I have tried the hard line approach and its not working it just makes things worse so we are trying to change our parenting style to a more guidance rather than you have to .... It's not easy and we are still going to restrict the amount of money we give him but word it in a more guiding way rather than a punishment or ultimatum. Hope that makes sense. It's not going to be easy and it will probably take my son a while to get over us " starving him" as he says but we have to try. I am looking at finding some parenting course for kids with ODD as well to help better educate us. And I also hope that its not too late to rebuild what is clearly broken. I would love to get a formal diagnosis but at my sons age I cant force him to go and see someone it has to be his decision and with ODD I also dont want to label him as this would just lower his self esteem even more. We both need now to focus on trying to rebuild our fractured relationship which I know wont be easy but 1 step at a time. We now know we can set boundaries but just not telll him they are boundaries if that makes sense as as soon as he hears boundaries or consequences then he pushes back so it needs to be guided and focus more  on the little positives that we may get  and acknowledging them . My husband and I talked thru a small plan re giving a little money even though he isnt going to school but not enough so that hopefully he may reconsider himself down the track or even think about getting a job. This way it's almost like a bit of a compromise without the lecture. Again hard to explain and far too long to write out here. We are also going to contact the school nd see what we can do to get him to pass year 9 again it may not happen and we need to accept that as he is more important then school. Im not saying our issues are fixed by any means but I feel better knowing what im dealing with just wish I had known earlier. Its a long road ahead but we have to try. Sorry this is all about me but I am thinking of you guys Take care x ... View more

Hi Sunshine 72 It breaks my heart hearing this I dont know why they think that 15 & 16 means they can just do what they want when they want. I would say no too and at least he cant just go as who will pay for it. Im sorry he says those things to you i know how much it hurts but you did well not reacting thats amazing and shows strength even though you feel like crumbling. I have no words on why our kids are a ting out Ill let you know how we go tomorrow. Its so hard to know what to do if we we t in hard he would leave and thats hard on us mums Thinking of you x ... View more

Hi Sunshine 72 Thank you you are so kind and supportive. Im home now and he said hello and i wanted to just talk a bit but he wasnt having it. My husband has booked a phycologist for us to go to tomorrow cause im really not in a good place. I know you understand it and im so sad that your family is in a similar situation. Its harder than anything. The fear is crippling and you know you have to push thru but sometimes your body doesnt. I dont think i have ever cried so much in my life. Hope you are ok and im always thinking of you x ... View more

Hello Thanks for reaching out. Im at the airport now waiting to board. My husband went home from work at lunch to check my son as he doesnt get up until then. He offered to make him some eggs and my son said get out im not eating that. My husband had to go back to work so im sure my son would have gone out but he didnt ask for money this time. Its just terrifying not knowing where he is , what he is doing and what his future looks like. He doesn't answer when we try and call Im trying to hold it together but im crumbling and dont know what to do ... View more

Hi Sunshine72 im so worried that you got that response. I must admit I have t heard back from them in 2 weeks either and we have left numerous messages. im afraid at my end thing couldn’t be worse. My husband was meant to define the clear boundaries to my son but couldn’t as his friend was there. The boys were going to stay over at our house and my husband take them to school but then the other child was on his phone to his mum  and said they could stay at his house . My husband heard him talking to his mum and thought it would be ok as he was planning on going to school. I wouldn’t have let him but he would have just taken off anyway. well the next morning my husband calls and I ask him did he go to school and he said I think so so I said you need to call him. Then my worse nightmare happened. My son called my husband to get him to pick him up from the mates house as he had taken drugs. I physically collapsed and immediately called my son. He was clearly out of it and not coping with how he was feeling. I told him my husband was on his way to get him and take him straight to the doctor. They did that and said he needed to rest. ‘my son was calling me constantly as he was not coping with the effects and vowed he had never done anything like this before. I was and still am beside myself. Once it had worn off my husband tried to talk to him but the yelling to get out came back. He refuses to go back to school . I’m at a loss the anti depressants made me so I’ll I have had to stop them .. I am flying home tonight but I’m not even sure how I’m going to get on the plane. I’m a mess. ‘I’m so sorry that I have made this all about me. Let me know how the parent session goes as we need to do one too. ‘My body is shutting down and I’m not sure how much more I can take . My son will not communicate to us so what do you do   take care and I’m thinking of you ... View more

Hello Sunshine72 Thank you as always for your kind words they mean a lot. ‘I feel your exhaustion and please don’t ever feel guilty having to vent we need to talk to someone and we both know how each other is feeling. Re my son he wasn’t very close to my brother but I’m sure he would be feeling loss as well. I don’t believe that’s why he is acting like this as he has been like this for a while now and we only found out about my brother just under 3 months ago. My husband is stressed being at home trying to work and deal with it while I’m away but he can do it I have faith ( I think) We both now not giving our son a choice he either goes back to school or trade school or gets a job . We are being calm ( very hard to do ) firm but kind and letting him know that we will no longer be supporting him financially for his social life. So when he goes out with friends he can come home and eat no money will be given. This will also include no longer paying for his mobile phone plan. He will have a phone but he will have to pay for it. His friends will buy him food but that can only last so long they will get sick of it.   Im sure things will get worse before they are better but we are sticking to it . We will tell him that he is loved and will always be here for him . He can then think about what he wants cause it won’t be fun with us not giving him money every time . ‘I have no idea how it will go but we have to try and set these boundaries. Re your son have you tried to get into Child Youth Mental Health Services? He may not see anyone but it’s worth calling tell them what is going on as they have Mental Health Peer Support people for you . Real people that have been thru what we are going thru and worse. They have helped me . You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for . You have given up I think I might have with what you have been thru. He may also need time to process the possibility of taking meds. I think it’s great you can even get him to go I never can. please know that even though I’m dealing with a lot I’m still hear to listen it’s so important that you get support. ‘Your son needs you even though it may feel like he doesn’t he does. People keep saying it will get better but when your in it it’s hard to see that. I haven’t heard how this morning went at home yet as there is 1 hour difference as daylight savings. Im off to take my mum to have her Pet Scan now to see how her treatment is going . Talk soon and I’m hoping today is a better day for both of us and our families xx ... View more

Hello Sunshine72 Just wanted to check in and see how you are going? I hope your ok x I’m away for the week to be with family following the passing of my brother. I got the dreaded phone call this morning from my husband ( which I knew was coming) that my 15 yr old refused to go to school and says he has quit. He was extremely rude to my husband and my husband tried everything to encourage him but no luck. We have told him that we can no longer give him money to go out with his friends when he is meant to be at school so if he wants food he will have to eat what is at home.  I am so disappointed I thought we had made a bit of headway and also hoped that with everything that is going on he would be reasonable but no. I really don’t know what else we can do as he won’t see or speak to anyone re going to any school.  I hope you are having more luck than us and I’m thinking of you guys x ... View more

Sunshine72   Thank you xx     ... View more

Hello Sunshine72 Yes the Dare app is white with a purple flying person. You can do the 2 weeks free trial but I at the moment am only doing the free things on it. Thanks so much for all your kinds words means alot. Im going to be MIA for a bit as we found out this morning that my brother passed away. So I am having to hand the reigns over to my husband for the week (fingers crossed) as I need to fly to be with my Mum xx I will check in and hope that you have some better days ahead ad ill be thinking of you xx ... View more

Hi Sunshine72 I think its alot harder when you have Mental health issues involved too and please know that I feel you really are doing a good job. You are not giving up and he isnt making it easy on you but your still trying that is amazing and you need to know that! I think its a wind that he went with you today to the meeting I couldnt even get mine too. Its also a win that he went to class , well done seriously . I so know what you mean by being Terrified I am too. You cant help thinking things like that especially with them taking off not communicating and hanging out with who know who. I have to turn the tv off when the news comes on because they are always talking about youth crime and its hard to not start getting anxious. You sound exactly like me in the mornings dry retching and feeling so sick and anxious. I downloaded a free app called Dare and I now play the free ones in the sos section constantly until I feel myself calm down. Have a look at it. Its not a cure by any means but I actually find the mans voice calming and I dont normally go for things like that. My son still isntt communicating well at all but I take what I can get right now. he came down for dinner ate some of it didnt speak then went back up to his room. Re my brother and my Mum we got the hardest of news when we were down helping my daughter move into her new house in June. We went down to help her move and also because my mum was having a hip replacement and it was school holidays. The day after moving my daughter in my mum called to tell me my brother had cancer and it was everywhere. 2 primary stage 4 cancers ( bowel and lung) and there was nothing that could be done. He wasnt even sick he had a chest infection that wasnt quite clearing up so it was a massive shock. Then Mum had her hip done and they noticed she was out of breath a bit and did tests and she is also stage 4 terminal with bowel cancer.  Sadly my brother has been moved back down and is now bed ridden so it will be any day now. My mum is having immunotherapy which seems to be going well but that will only give her approx 6mths.  My other brother died last year of a sudden heart attack so it has been alot to deal with and alot more coming so when my son is behaving this way its just too much. Sorry to unload. Re your sons school I wouldnt worry to much about how he spoke I really think that sadly now days they are used to that I think its just great he even went. My son has never been formally diagnosed but I think there maybe something there but he doesnt want to investigate that and has said from the get go he will not take medication so there is no point yet. Re me getting into a physiologist so quick I know was unbelievable. MyGP had to do a mental health plan for me and he gave me the number of a group not far that are really good with getting you in quickly. Mind you I only called today and wasnt expecting  to get in today but they said if I was happy to see a male he had a free spot. He was good very reassuring and has had similar experience himself which helped. I think if you go to your GP tell them exactly how you are feeling and see if they can give you someone that you can get into quickly. Im so sorry to hear about your husbands dad it's just heartbreaking. You all seem to be doing so much as well no wonder your overwhelmed. You really are doing all you can we cant force them nor can we control what they are doing we just have to keep showing up as hard as it is and hope that one day they come back to us . Parenting really is the hardest job ever  Thinking of you xx ... View more

Hi Sunshine72 How are you today has it been a better day? I have been thinking of you . Yes my daughter knows whats going on and I try not to tell her too much as it must be affecting her hearing how much anxiety I am having. I went to a physiologist today and I think that helps. Just trying to come up with strategies for myself on how handle my anxiety and reactions.  I have decided not to sit down with my son again and explain consequences I feel he knows so now it's about trying to be strong enough and stick to it. Easier said than done as you know. He suggested trying the antidepressants as im physically dry retching every morning and if I down like them then I can stop. I may try starting this Sunday as anything is better than feeling like this. He also wants my husband to get a bit more involved as im going to be dealing with alot in the upcoming months with my brother and my mum. That must have been scary having and ectopic pregnancy . I know it's really tough with the kids they hang with but we cant control that . People say oh you should know who they are with well thats fine if they tell you but its not possible in our situations. We just have to be there to pick up the pieces if they fall and hope they know we are always there for them. I cant imagine some of the friend that my son is with im sure they have had issues too as he is seeing them this week and they should be in school. I feel the hardest thing we have to do as mums is let go and wait till they fail . It will happen im sure due to their behaviours  at the moment but the more we try and tell them what is best the more they push back. Hope that things get better for both of us it doesnt have to be perfect just better xx ... View more

Hello again OMG you have certainly had a day of it and I really feel for you x Im so glad we have each other to vent to and lean on right now as I too think it helps.  Please never ever apologise for venting thats what we need and sometimes it may help so vent away anytime. Im not sure if my little breakthrough will do much but its a start and ill take it. I know what you mean by not wanting to eat but you need to try even if it makes you sick. I had trouble eating a month or so ago because of the stress and ended up in hospital for 3 days on a drip it was awful and I dont want that for you. I went to my GP again today and they did a mental health plan for me as they could see how distressed I was. The school had called me this morning wanting a meeting with D** to discuss options and wanted me to ask D** so that sent me into a fit of anxiety thinking how on earth I was going to approach the subject. I went up to his room and just said they had rung and wanted a meeting not because he was in trouble but to see if they could offer some solutions to try and get him to engage in some sort of education. Well that didnt go well. He said they are just trying to kick him out. I tried to explain it but he wasnt having it. I was so emotional I actually had a panic attack. I didnt want to or mean to it just happened and he was a bit shocked I think . he was about to go out but wouldnt go until I had stopped crying. After a bit he eventually went out and had turned his life 360 back on. He asked for money for lunch and I gave it to him. He then text early and said he was coming home so I offered to pick him up. In the car ( cause he has to sort of listen ) I told him that his dad had called the school and that we didnt need a meeting and that we were giving him the week off and he would be back Monday. I expected him sot say no but he said do I have to go back till the end of the year and I said well no but if you dont go there you need to go somewhere to finish the year. He didnt say anything and im taking that as a positive well Im trying too. Im trying to cut myself a break and deal with it on Monday so I have a few days hopefully with less anxiety. Sunday night maybe different but if he doesnt go Monday then I have to stick to my guns and say ok but im not funding you to go out to meet your mates when you should be at school. It will be the hardest thing and he will probably take off but I cant keep living like this in fear constantly. You really are doing everything you can . I mean that I really do. I know it doesnt feel like that I totally understand but you ARE! We cannot be responsible for our kids moods we just need to be responsible for how we react to them. OMG listen to me I sound strong now but I will be a basket case again for sure. Im just trying to accept thing that are happening in the moment but its one of the hardest things I have ever done and im constantly stuffing up. I understand how you and your husband feel re seeing other families its just so sad that we dont have that I constantly think what have I done wrong. Do you have any other kids? I have a beautiful daughter who is 25yrs who I miss terribly especially now. I never had these issues with her. They do not get along which is also sad. I keep thinking maybe when my son is older they might.   Oh and the GP said when I was telling him what was going on with my son and my Mum and brother he is saying you need to set firm boundaries and you need to know all of his friends. OMG yes I would love to do all that but its not that simple when you have a child who refuses to talk to you refuses to tell you who the friends are or where they live and as soon as you put any restrictions on them they just up and leave.   Now im rambling sorry. Please know I am thinking of you and m here when you need to vent xx ... View more

Hi Sunshine72   My heart is breaking for you and im crying trying to ride the waves of constant nausea from anxiety while I write this so please forgive me if it get a little disjointed. I understand exactly what you are going thru I really do we are both sadly in the same position right now. I dont know what to say to make our kids better but to keep trying to tell them we are here for them all the time. I wish I could hug u too as I feel that as we are both in the same situation we need each others support. We get support elsewhere but they dont know exactly what we are dealing with and its hard. It's good you are working as it makes you get up and go even though you feel so awful. I dont work so im home in my thoughts and I know people say you need to keep busy but it's sometimes just not that easy. We are rational people but I feel we are just so emotionally overloaded and to be perfectly honest I feel that well at least me that im almost morning the loss of my child. That may sound extreme and people might not understand it but I dont know how else to explain it. I find I get so triggered when I look on social media or even going to the shops and seeing families together it makes me feel physically ill. I try to remember the quote I read somewhere " Parent the child you have - not the child you wish you had" but its hard to not feel that knot of loss in my stomach. I actually sat on my sons bed last night when he finally came home and even though he didnt really want to talk I just did. I was emotional I couldnt help it. I tried to explain to him that I cant help wanting to know where he is and want him to go to school its not coming from a place of punishment its because I love and care about him and want the best for him. I am hsi mum and I will never stop worrying about him . He was still so angry that in his mind he thinks we starved him because we didnt put any money into his account for food over the weekend and I tried to explain that it wasnt a punishment I had no idea where he was because he had turned his life 360 off and I was offering him food here and even offering to go pick him up get him food and take him back to his friends. He just kept saying he didnt turn his life 360 off but I know he did . I wasnt going to argue I just wanted him to know it was coming from a good place.  We touched on the school issue again but only briefly as I didnt want the lines of communication closing off again. It went back and forth a bit and I asked him if he thinks we can just move forward it took a bit but he mumbled yes. What this means I have no idea. Im not sure what will happen re school and that makes me physically ill. I still have no idea what he is doing when he is out and staying at his friends places all weekend, but I have to try. So I asked if he could leave his life 360 on so I know where he is. He still adamantly says it was on maybe his phone was flat but I know he turned it off. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt and deal with things if and when they go wrong which im sure will happen as he is a teen. I did feel a bit better after talking to him last night but this morning im still overridden with anxiety and dry retching and fighting off panic attacks. Its an awful way to live. Does the school know what is going on with your son? I feel you are doing all the things they say you should , you are letting him know you are there for him and to be honest I dont think there is much more you can do, even though it hurts like hell. You are not alone I am here and I know what you are feeling 100%. Im not sure where you are located or if you can private message on here but if you ever need to let me know You are doing a good job you really are and I truely believe you are stronger than I am. I wish that things were different for us I truly do but I just hope we can both get thru this xx ... View more

Hi Mumma 08 Thats great to hear that you have had a breakthrough with your son and im so sorry to hear that you too are going thru something similar with your mum, its heartbreaking. My son however was doing all of these things logn before my Mum got sick . I did break down infront of him once when I was trying to juggle everything and he did show some emotion but I dont want him to feel like he is adding to my stress even though he is . I will just keep trying to find a way in and hope things change.   Thanks for your kind words it means alot especially at there moment when everything is at its worse x ... View more

Hi Stormy-RO He has gone out again today and I asked where he was going and he told me I also said we really need to talk because im sure we all want things better. He did text me asking for money for food and I said im happy to give it to him today but we really need to talk and try and work things out. See what options there are about moving forward   When he come home I would like to try and talk to him and see what solutions he thinks may work , I can only try but I cant keep giving him money he will need to eat at home otherwise its I think sending the wrong message that its ok to not go to school. Going back to Melbourne im sure would help my mental health but I dont think my husband will manage I need to try and at least get some boundaries in place first . Its a hard juggle. I also made a GP appt again tom to get a Mental Health Plan for me as I just cant keep breaking down like this anymore. Thank you for your words of encouragement and support they do really help x ... View more

Hello Stormy-RO Thank you for reaching out to me. I spoke again to Lifeline this morning as I was having a servere panic attack and they helped. Im just so overwhelmed at the moment trying to communicate with my son which is not happening right now as he is refusing to speak to either of us. The only people he is communicating is with his friends. He hates his school and his teachers and again refused to go today. He is still up in his room but will no doubt come down soon to leave and catch up with his friends and ask for money for food. I am going to try and stay strong and calmly tell him that I cannot keep giving him money when he wont even talk to me . I want to fix this and I love him dearly. I need to be strong as I feel I am just enabling things which are clearly only getting worse. I have looked on Reachouts website and will again but at the moment im just so overwhelmed im just trying together thru the days. All my family live back in Melbourne and I talk to my sister every day and she knows what is going on and is being as supportive as she can. I do have a beautiful daughter who is 25yr and she lives in Melbourne and I miss her dearly. they both want me to come back to Melbourne for a bit to sort myself out  but I feel like that is just running away from the problem. My brother is close to end stage of life now and my mum may have 6  or so months so it's incredibly hard. They are also in Melbourne. My son is aware of what is going on but I think at the moment he is only concerned re himself as harsh as that sounds. I think his age has a lot to do with that I dont know. I went to my GP a few months back as this has been going on for a while with my son and they prescribed anti depressants which I did try but they make me feel awful. I have started hypnotherapy and have done 1 session to help with my anxiety so not sure if it will help as yet. I dont have any friends here as my time is constantly revolving around my son which I know has to change its just really hard. I know that I have to let go of the things I cannot control and I am really trying its just so incredibly hard right now. Thanks for checking in I really appreciate it x ... View more

Hi  Thank you and i really appreciate you replying to mean it means alot. Im wondering when your son goes off does he ask you for money mine keeps asking for money for food and if i dont give it he then starts abarrage of text messages till finally silence.  We said there is food here but now he feels we have starved him and he is done.   He also comes back with different clothes at times says he swaps them with his mates .   Im trying to get myself in a position to understand that i cannot control what he does but i can control myself instead of letting it control me. Its easier said than done and at the moment im so overwehelmed im calling lifeline to calm me down   I really hope you are ok and i hope that we both get thru this and escpecailly our sons   Take care xx       ... View more

Hello im sorry to hear that this happened today. I fear too we will be in the same boat either my son will not go back or get expelled too.   My fear is what he is up too when he isnt home. How do you cope I have been crying all day today I just feel so lost . Its so hard to take time for yourself I find I mean I know I need to but im just not strong enough at the moment . I really hope things turn around for you too x ... View more

Hello this sadly sounds exactly like my 15 yr old . I wish there was help but I have tried everywhere and been given so much conflicting advice. I feel your pain and can totally relate to what you are going thru x ... View more