Hi @Talkaboutkid I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds like you're feeling pretty unsupported and maybe a little undermined in your parenting? Have you been able to chat to your son's dad about how this makes you feel? And if not do you think if he knew how much it was hurting you, he would try to be more mindful?     ... View more

Hi @Nervous just a quick note I made a small edit to the wording in your post around self-harm. This can be such a challenging subject to write and read about so we just try to avoid discussing methods used. I also thought for everyone dealing with this issue I'd pop in some links, as I think knowledge is power and it can really help us to understand and manage when we have a loved one going through this.   Self-harm What is self-harm? Self-help for self-harm   ... View more

Hey @manish thank you for posting, just a quick FYI, I've edited out the link you posted   For more info please check out our community guidelines ... View more

Hey @hippychick I just wanted to say your love and care for your son always shines through your posts and I wouldn't give too much weight to those teachers opinions. I mean they have a valid point of view to an extent but not everyone is made to fit the mould of academia or educational settings / classrooms and you're right your son may find that he flourishes in a creative, outdoors or a more hand on environment.   I would just keep doing what you're doing and focus on encouraging his strengths and passions ... View more

Hey @IHE13 I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing a difficult time with your parents at the moment. It can be hard when we want one thing for our lives and our parents seem to want another. At this stage I would suggest perhaps having a chat to a counsellor about how to best navigate this with your parents, as this forum is intended for parents of 12 - 18 year olds, so while parents can give you their perspective, you might also find chatting through frustrations with someone helpful. Have you spoken to a counsellor before?   I'd recommend maybe heading over to our ReachOut Youth based Forum, which you might find helpful as you can get some youth based support and advice. From some of the language you've used in your post (mom, eighth grade), I'm guessing you also might be US based? So just bear in mind that our resources are Australian based, so while we are here to listen and support, our resources may not always cover your location ... View more

This is quite a challenging situation to work through @Dj1234 and it's understandable that you may be feeling disappointed or sad. While I don't want to excuse the behaviour in any way, perhaps putting yourself in your daughters place may help to understand the behaviour a little more?   Smartphones and technology have really changed the way we communicate, particularly with dating and I feel like I can appreciate the pressure or expectations teens may be under to engage in sexting. Particularly, as a photo can be shared in less than 30 secs, which may be before a teen has been able to fully think through the repercussions of sending out an image of themselves?   It sounds like you've spoken to your daughter about the consequences (personal and legal) of sharing sexually explicit images however I have found a couple of Reachout articles which you may also find helpful?   Talking to Teens about Sexting Learn about Sexting and Online Sexual Behaviour   ... View more

I think because self-harm tends to be used as a coping strategy, it might be worth also chatting to the psych about what type of adaptive strategies they would recommend. That way you've got some alternative coping options available, as well as securing any meds or items that your niece might use. ... View more

That's a good next step @jdbza   The psychologist should be able to advise you on the best evidence based strategies for your niece's particular challenges, so whatever they are at least you'll be able to have more information about it all. ... View more

No worries at all @jdbza I totally understand that it can be hard to figure out what to say and that's why we're always here to help   That's great that you're engaging with a family therapist, I just wonder if seeing someone yourself, might give you the space to be able to focus on you and your self-care and to really be able to vent if you need? ... View more

Hi @jdbza I can certainly understand why you would need to vent. It sounds like you're trying to navigate a really difficult situation. Just as a note, I did edit one part of your post which was perhaps on the borderline of being a bit triggering. I hope you can understand.   Are you talking with anyone at the moment, like a counselor or helpline? ... View more

I'm sorry to hear this @sunflowermom. It sounds like a really difficult situation to navigate and that it would generate all kinds of emotions for you. I am glad that you've got your therapist's support today and of course you have all of our support too ... View more

Welcome to RO @OneDayAtaTime we're more than happy to have you here! You really have found a warm and supportive community who's here to listen and support you ... View more

sorry for the late reply but I loved your point @taokat about compassion!   If I could have told myself to work on my compassion - including my self-compassion that would been amazing! ... View more

This is a great topic! Oh god what would I say?!   Maybe be brave in taking your own path and being who you are ... View more

I'm sorry to hear you and your daughter had a difficult time last night @Mumof19yrold but I'm glad the helpline and RO has been able to help you both. It really does sound like you're doing everything you can. Just remember that while you support your daughter try to also support yourself, whether that's seeing a counsellor or psychologist yourself, talking to helplines or engaging in some self-care   ... View more

Letting go of my expectations of how things should be and accepting things as they actually are was a huge moment for me @taokat @Faob_1.  I'm glad it reasonates with you both. And yes, I agreee it takes constant reminders to let go of them. I have to check myself reguarly! I think they're kind of ingrained in us and our culture.   I think you're right on the money @Faob_1 it's about expressing our standards, morals and hopes in a different way. For example, modeling them and positively reinforcing them. I statements are so powerful, arent they! I'm not really too sure about the drug testing. It might be worth checking with the GP?   I'm going to google that book right now @taokat! Thank you so much! Jon Kabat-Zinn is like the guru when it comes to western mindfulness and he goes into the philosophy behind things, which I've found just as powerful as the actual practice of mindfulness. ... View more

That sounds like a difficult situation to be in @Spatty. How does your son feel about you attending in his place?   I wonder if to help build the relationship between your son and grandson, it might be a good idea for both yourself and your son to attend the meeting? That way you may be able to help guide the meeting and act as a mediator of sorts?     ... View more

The love you have for your daughter always shines through your posts @taokat and I think when we love someone that much we just want the very best for them so it can be heartbreaking when they're struggling or experiencing distress.   I know I bang on a little bit to everyone about self-care but it's just such a vital foundation for our wellbeing. I wonder if you've ever read any books or articles on mindfulness philosophy? When I was going through a difficult time it really helped me to focus on the present moment and let go of my expectations of how I think things "should be", if that makes sense? Jon Kabat-Zinn's books are awesome if you're up for reading more about it ... View more

Hi @Netbell123 I just wanted to let you know that I edited out your daughters name from your posts. We try to avoid anything identifying on RO, I hope that's ok. Your experience sounds heartbreaking and a real struggle. It sounds like you may need some support for yourself? Do you have a friend or counsellor you can confide in? ... View more

It sounds like such a rollercoaster @Faob_1    Try to remember that putting yourself first (which as a mother can be a very foreign concept!) can actually help both you and your relationship with your son. And all that means is scheduling some "me time" like you have, maybe going to see a counsellor or psychologist yourself and practicing some self-care strategies. ... View more

That's perfect @Faob_1 you can have some time to recharge and refresh ... View more

I hope everything turned out okay @Netbell123?   As @Sister said, we're here for you and many of our RO members have been through similar situations. I think a common theme I've picked up on is to try and make sure you are looking after yourself   Which I know is particularly hard in the circumstances you've described but maybe going forward just make sure you're able to make time for some supports / services / or self-care strategies to help you in supporting your daughter. ... View more

Hi @Westland has anything happened (changes, trauma or transitions) for your son that might account for the behaviours?   I'm sure some of our members have had similar experiences with their teens. I'll tag a few members for you   @Iqula @Sister @sunflowermom  ... View more

Hi @Iqula has anything happened (changes, trauma or transitions) for your 17 year old that might account for the behaviours?   I'm sure some of our members have had similar experiences with their teens. I'll tag a few members for you @Westland  @motherbear @Schooner @taokat ... View more

Then you've come to the right place @Momofboys77    That's great that he has a space / outlet to share what he's going through and he seems to be doing well in staying clean. You mentioned that he said he doesn't have any time for himself, is there room to encourage him to make some time for a interest or hobby? This might then in turn connect him with potential new friends?    ... View more

Thank you for sharing your story @Momofboys77. Your love and care for your son shines through your post and navigating friendships, especially when you grow in a different direction from old friends can be really challenging. Does your son have anyone to talk to at the moment? A therapist or counsellor?   I'm sure other parents / members may have had some similar experiences and I'll tag a few members here for you @Sister @taokat @sunflowermom @Zoesplace @Schooner   Just a heads up, we are an Australian based site so we may not be able to assist too much with more localised services or supports. Also I've edited out your name from your post as we try to keep things as anonymous as possible. If you haven't already you can check out our community guidelines here  ... View more

I'm sorry to hear things are at this point @taokat. Sometimes this journey can feel like one step forward and ten steps back   Are you able to talk with your daughters counsellor about what's happened and how you're feeling?   It may help to provide some more insight into where they think your daughter is at and why they've supported that decision? And of course then you can voice your concerns ... View more

Without being there and knowing both your partner and your son, it's a bit tricky but its sounds like your gut feeling says your partner may be overreacting?   If things have been building for a while, it may be worth discussing where you're both at with your relationship and co-parenting and how to best move forward? Make it more of a general conversation and then your partner might bring more things up? ... View more