Hi @taokat and Others, Thank you for pointing out about our own responses in relation to our daughters and sons behaviours and how our we can often react due to our own experiences. This is a lot of work! Not just for our kids but for us too. I believe we really need to deal with our own stuff before we can truly heal alongside our children. Seems like we are doing this but it is exhausting. My son has not been wth me for several weeks and he is staying with relatives. The situation could not have continued....I was becoming so burnt out trying to deal with his overwhelming anxiety that caused him to act aggressively. I had incidences in the car where he nearly triggered me to have an accident...he threw something at my windscreen and cracked it, plus another time yanked my hair so hard that it jarred my neck. Has damaged property at home, screams and yells and it just took so much out of me. He is such a beautiful boy (in spite of his actions around anger) and I've tried to help him so much but it became an impossible situation. 9 times out of 10, I tried to stay calm through his outbursts but lately I began acting in anger and retaliation which was not helping the situation at all. Recognising my own shortcomings, I accepted a badly needed break from some super kind and lifesaving relatives who were doing things to help disadvantaged youth but then they realised that their mission was to help my sons situation. Thank goodness! Although its been so incredibly peaceful here at home since my son left to temporarily stay with them, I am just so incredibly sad at what has happened to my family. Divorced and now without my kids! My other sibling and i are incredibly close and have shared an awful lot...they live away and i feel really blessed that they have pulled through all the turmoil unscathed. But I miss them! I don't miss my sons behaviours though but I miss the boy I love. I am getting long-overdue counselling (both privately and with the reach out counselling) and have cut back my work load to just 2-3 days per week...enough to pay the bills. Money is the least of my huge concerns ......I just wish my son to be happy and to be able to not act on his anger in unhealthy ways. To treat me well without swearing and yelling all the time. I don't think its a lot to ask. He is an angel with others and has always let out his anxiety on his close family. He is now at a residential school due to all his struggles around learning. Another issue we have needed to deal with. He sees a psychologist, psychiatrist and is on antidepressant medication.....we struggled for ages with side effects to get the right dose/type. We battled with worsening aggression, suicidality, self-harm and overwhelming anxiety and depressive symptoms. Police were involved twice. I dealt with this mostly on my own. Not recommended! My work mates, most family members and friends have no idea of the extremes around my sons illness or our plight. I kept it hidden wanting to protect my son and myself. Big mistake and one I can only learn from. I am wondering whether other parents are in a similar situation of just feeling really sad about their current plights in spite of doing everything possible to help their children? Without appearing like a victim or feeling sorry for ourselves.....its been an enormous challenge! The situation has been difficult for me because its been hidden.....I was always concerned over stigma and labels of mental illness. I would say to other parents, that it is vital to ask for help. I didn't and it was too much. My own independence became an enemy. I have been simply pouring my heart out here. Thanks to this forum for allowing me to do this. Around others I am the helper.....but now its me who needs the help! I just wish to be the best I can to assist my son with his issues and life struggles. But I realise now that this is not possible unless I help myself first. Its a tough process but not impossible! Can any of you other parents/carers identify with any of this in regards to their own teenagers and if so, how did you get through it? Oh yes...this is just not about my stuff! @taokat and @Schooner and all the other parents out there......am so happy that your children are beginning to turn a corner and be happy!
... View more