I just wanted to pop in to post a quick message because you have all been so supportive to me and I won't be on our planned chats etc. After a regular psychiatrist apt last week my daughter is being put back in to hospital. I'm at a loss for words and am having issues with stress myself right now (nausea when I try to eat, nightmares etc). Speechless & feeling so helpless :(    ... View more

I'm not really sure how except that we now have each other here to draw on so if I see something I'm concerned about I'll mention it so everyone else gets a heads-up :D  ... View more

Thank you for your kind words @taokat. With school going back tomorrow I used that this morning as an opportunity to make plans for the new term (having a go at extending her hours there a little) and also used it to check where she's at a little. I did ask her if she has recently had any thoughts of actually ending her life (different to not caring if it ends) and she said not recently. So that's good. Time will tell how the kids are all going once school goes back because her friend's death was 3 days before end of term (my daughter didn't attend those last 2 days). My hearts go out to the school staff - what a task :( ... View more

Not at this stage @hippychick but I'm certainly not giving up on that :) I'll keep the occasional subtle suggestions up until she's ready  ... View more

Hi @Ngaio-RO. I'm not exactly sure if Headspace is supporting the school but they may be because the school sent out one of their brochures to parents over the holidays. My daughter started off with a structured safety plan which has now kind of become "promises" we make to each other. Trying to find the balance between safety and "smothering" her is very hard for me at times like this.  I do have to change my boundries like you mentioned e.g I'm not happy for you to sleepover at the house of a friend I don't know because I need to know you're supported Or that she needs to keep her door open at "bad" times ... View more

This is why I love the support of these Reachout forums! Thank you so much.  I will put the number of the SCBS in my phone and also my daughters @Sophi-RO - great idea. @motherbear - thank you so much for all of your fantastic advice. There are so many great suggestions there and it will certainly helps. It's such a scary time and of course during the service I kept thinking that it could be/have been our family there dealing with that unbearable pain. It is the knowledge of suicide clusters that is terrifying me. Your post is so true, I know at times she feels like I'm smothering her but I'm scared and I'm trying to find the place in the middle. That's tricky. Thanks again for your wonderful reply ... View more

I sure can :) @Ngaio-RO ... View more

Thank you :) @taokat ... View more

This is a copy and paste of a facebook status I posted yesterday with a link to a couple of articles (one from Headspace). Unfortunately I discovered my 15 year old (with recent suicidal ideation and still self harming) was watching them after she was half way through the series. So I speed watched it all in 2 days so that I could have open discussion ...   If you have Netflix chances are your teenager has or is watching 13 Reasons Why. I discovered that my daughter was when she was half way through and I had no idea what it was about. I suggest you watch it too (you know they'll watch it anyway because it's what their friends are all talking about) and then have the discussion. The last 2 episodes are dreadfully confronting (particularly the last). My first thoughts are that ... - Suicide needs to be discussed so use this as an opening for conversation. - A person who commits suicide doesn't need Reasons. Sometimes they are in a terrible dark place of depression that is quite different to the story. Mental Illness is not that cut and dry and there often no clear reasons at all. - The story seemed to place blame and guilt on those who didn't help. And it didn't show any viewpoint of getting help and support. In fact, it showed that no one helped Hannah and changed the outcome regardless of her asking her teacher in the end. That isn't always the case. It is more likely that if you ask for help you will get the love and support you need. ... View more

Thank you @Ngaio-RO. I do get great support from here because you "get it". I have had fantastic suggestions come from here too. And, I have found that living in 'survival mode' has allowed me to shed a couple of bad relationships because I had nothing to give them. They got none of my attention and fell away.  And on the flip side, they have been replaced by a couple of supportive, valuable relationships that are bringing good to our lives without draining from the very little energy we have to give back at this time.  ... View more

That is a great idea to suggest she sit on a rug whilst I walk @Ngaio-RO! You're right - suggesting she walk with me gets a No every time. I'll definately try that. Thank you  ... View more

HI everyone, This is a great thread and so true. I could have written this...   ""I need you to take up the slack for a while. I need you to keep asking me to meet you even though I almost always say no and sometimes will say yes and then cancel last minute. I need you to keep calling to chat even though you've called me the last 5 times and I often don't pick up and never call back. I need you to keep listening to me talk about this issue, even though my issue has dominated our talks for some time now. I need you to listen without judgement, not push your opinions on me and to never, EVER get frustrated at me or my child because this issue is taking so long. I need you to keep this relationship alive because it's important to me and I need you in my life but right now my child is taking everything I have. Basically, I need you and I need you to not need me in return.Ok?""   Yes, some people have stopped trying and I totally undrstand why. I have just started counselling recently and am reminded that at this point my life is simply about SURVIVAL and I should expect nothing more of myself. To be honest, I am struggling through every week. I work full time. My kids need me to be strong and the weight of that can be so heavy can't it?   I find that it is extra hard because I am scared to not be there in the moments that my daughter falls apart. You may know our story a little and that my daughter has severe depression but I don't think I have mentioned that this causes her to have "voices" (psychosis) and at times they kind of take over or overwhelm here and after 8 months of this I now have some ability to "get her back". The faster I catch her the better or it can escalate into self harming or worse. Does that make sense? So I'm nervous when I'm not with her. It's like having a new baby again.  ... View more

How about both @Ngaio-RO ? I don't know if it would work but maybe a check in to see how we're all going and then ask if there's a specific (bigger) topic someone needs help with. See where it leads us? Maybe you might have a few back up topics for those nights nothing larger comes up. Just throwing thoughts out :) ... View more

Hi @Ngaio-RO. Thank you so much for your kind words. It always helps to hear such things.  From the beginning of all this I have tried to have coffee with friends when I can and I approached a work collegue who I thought would have an understanding of what I am going through. She did and she has become a valuable friend and support to me.  Regardless of this I did hit the bottom a few weeks ago and found myself crying a lot and suffering terrible anxiety. So I have begun counselling and stress management for myself and it is helping a lot.  I have also begun walking and jogging a couple of times a week which I enjoy and had stopped doing because I am nervous to leave my daughter for long periods. It's about finding what works at the time I guess and (just like when I had toddlers) then when you find the balance things change & you have to find it again :) lol  ... View more

Hi @hippychick, My daughter has been under the care of a hospital based CAMHS team which includes a psychiatrist who sees her regularly. She spent some time in an Adolescent Facility (hospital ward) late last year.  She self harms and has been suicidal. I found out about her depression after she had a breakdown last August however it seems she had been suffering for some years beforehand & I wasn't aware even though we are a very close family. Once she had the breakdown there was no question she was suffering from a mental illness but it took some time for confirmation that it is severe depression rather than something else. She is currently having different forms of treatment and is on more than one medication for her illness. On the most part I am unaware of what happens during her treatment sessions as she is over 15 so I am not privy to most of what goes on (and yes that sucks). I hope that answers your questions and helps some :)  ... View more

Wednesdays are good for me. I may need reminding. Some days I'm lucky if I can recall my own name :p  ... View more

I'm in :)  ... View more

I love that @Red21 ... View more

Hi @Red21 Thank you for your reply. What is WACE? ... View more

Thank you for lovely replies.  Things are very up & down. A a step forward & a step back you know what I mean? We're still struggling along but there are good moments.  Hopefully next term my daughter will successfully move from 3 periods a day at school to 4. @taokat, I too have had to remind myself often that her mental health is priority and after 7.5 months I have now found a place within myself where I'm ok with that. Not happy - but ok.  She is smart and can still be successful in life. We just need to get her to a place where she can find some joy in life again. @Sophi-RO, Thank you for staying in touch. I have spoken to someone (I can't remember who) but at the moment with weekly appointments and my daughter being as unwell as she is we agreed it was not the thing for us at this point.   We're on the edge of our seats at the moment because 2 days ago a girl in my daughters year at school committed suicide. I am on edge watching for a trigger reaction, she said that considering she was so close to doing it anyway, it should have been her :( Scary and very sad times here. Getting through the funeral will be particularly scary. Any advice?  ... View more

@Elena thank you so much. The feeling that you are not alone in this is like gold. Please share with me any time because those kinds of stories make me feel like I'm not totally losing is and making all the wrong decisions. It helps so much to know that other people are going through these things too.  And throwing adolescence into the mix plays with my mind even more. Sometimes I don't know where adolescence stops and depression starts (and vice versa). Do you know what I mean?  ... View more

Thank you @Ngaio-RO ! That is a great tip I'll be trying. It is so difficult even to enjoy 'good moments' because you know it's temporary and you'll come crashing down again. I haven't been able to find a way to deal with that and I have mentioned it to a friend who cares for her teens with mental illness and a counsellor colleague who both agreed that that is a really difficult part of living with this. I really hope that others here who are carers see this tip. ... View more

The meeting at school went well. They were very supportive and my daughter has close-to managed the first two weeks of school attending half days indefinately. I am very proud of her for managing that and it exceeded my expectations.   I thought changes to her medication regime 3 weeks ago was showing improvement but she saw her psychiatrist today and apparently what is discussed behind that door is different to what I see. He has instructed me to double the dose of one of her drugs :(  Then I hang out washing and find an item used to self harm inside a pillow case. I feel so sad right now. Living with this disease is a horrible, devastating rollercoaster  ... View more

Hi @Elena, is kind of is but unfortunately all still relevant. We have not come far at all in 5 months & 2 weeks since my daughters breakdown last August but cross fingers that 2 weeks ago a change of medication may have brought a breakthrough and a tiny speck of hope for recovery.  I really appreciate your message as I need reminding often to look after myself too. I forget myself amongst it all and have had a few times when I've really not been ok.    Also, meeting with the school on Tuesday. Thanks for sending me some extra strength (I need it) as it's hard going in there as "the mother". I need to stay focussed.  ... View more

Thank you very much for your replies @Elena @Maggiemay & @Ngaio-RO I really appreciate it. You have given me some ideas to take with me to a meeting with my daughters case worker on Monday where we will come up with ideas and suggestions to take to school.   We live in a rural area so unfortunately the options for schooling are limited and there are no specialised schools. Also, home schooling is not an option as I am a single parent and work full time (I have missed a LOT or work but my work are very supportive).    I am going to ask for support for partial attendance and a more individualised learning plan which will still support her in passing year 10. I'll let you know how we go. Thanks again & if you think of anything else I'm always keen for tips :)  ... View more

@Elena that is so familiar to me. Sadly. The difficulties due the physical invisibliity of mental illness.  My daughter was overwhelmed by having to muddle her way through reasons to get through the office staff/sick bay to call me when she needed to leave. I understand their situation as they are bound by school policies and this is something that needs to be addressed before she goes back.  Like you, I found that using her psych case worker as a mediator helped as they took it more seriously. At that point they didn't understand how sick she is but having been hospitalised since may have them more on side. Fingers crossed. Thank you so very much for sharing your story as it has really helped.  If you think of anything else please come back :)  ... View more

Hi @Elena Thank you very much for your comments. You're right. It does help to know that other people are dealing with issues somewhat like our own. I understand your advice re; changing my attitude towards her schooling. That's really hard and is something I'm focussing on myself. Her case worked did say to me that "she has more important things to learn right now". It's so hard to watch the future that you saw for your child change so dramatically.   At this stage I'm not thinking of changing schols being a good answer mostly because she has a few strong friendships at school and we live in a rural area so there is only one other high school and the kids all know each other in both anyway.   Do you mind if I ask, how did your D's school react to her only attending sporadically?  ... View more

Great idea thank you @Ngaio-RO :)   ... View more

@Ngaio-RO I'm really not sure how to react. At times they have been far less than helpful but I think that if communication comes with the CAHMS team involved they'll be more open to it. Your idea of negotiating times is a good one that'll I'll discuss with my daughter before taking to the team & school.  Also, she is on a cocktail of meds and I'm not even sure how much will sink in or how long she'll be able to concentrate? Very little I'm thinking at this point.  ... View more