Hi @Roundell12 Welcome to ReachOut Parents! I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner.
Firstly I'd like to congratulate you for sticking in there. A lot, not all but a lot, of teenagers decide that what they need to do to convey their needs and feelings is to act like absolute nightmares. Outright defiance in the face of even the smallest requests, temper tantrums when they are denied absolutely anything, engaging in high risk behaviours often illegal ones but showing no concern or remorse, treating family with contempt and disdain and sometimes threats or acts of aggression and violence. The whole nine yards. And they are utterly exhausting to parent.
When I did the Triple P Parenting training they suggest that when devising your approach to your teenager you should subtract 10 years and then parent like you would that age. So 12 year olds get similar parenting to 2 year olds. Everything is very simple. Limited negotiations and consistent boundaries. 15 year olds would be like 5 year olds. The introduction of negotiations but more perceived than anything. For example: "Do you want carrots or broccoli?" rather than "what do you want to eat?" And repeated, consistent boundaries with clearly defined consequences that are explained prior to avoid surprise.
Which is all very easy for me to say and not really what you're asking. When you say "legal responsibilities" my understanding is that the legislation comes at it from the reverse. As in, you CAN'T neglect (not feeding, clothing or sheltering them, locking them up, keeping them from attending school), or abuse (emotionally, physically, sexually) them. Which of course you're not doing. So you are absolutely meeting your legal responsibilities.
But you both deserve so much more than that. You both deserve to be happy and to not live with constant conflict. If you're interested, you could give Coaching a go. Click here and have a read about what it is and how to get started. It's free, delivered by trained professionals and very flexible in terms of your availability.
It can be incredibly helpful in terms of reducing conflict and repairing relationships.What do you think?
There are also many parents here who have gone through or are still going through similar struggles.
I'd love to hear from @Needsainity and @joanne who have both acquired amazing skills from the situations they've experienced.
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