Oh my @MomTo3Plus you sound worn out! It is so overwhelming when we feel this isolated in parenting and adulting. Teens are tricky and so varied in their outlooks, however, it sounds like you have done everything in your power to help yours. I'm not sure what support there is in the States, but if the girls are still attending school, there might be more support available to them that is also age appropriate. I know you needed to vent and this is a safe place to do that. I wonder what you and the rest of your family are doing for joy. It doesn't have to be much. I personally would kill for an uninterrupted bath...Also, you might find it helps to do some things together - not necessarily fun - that can build positive relationships. For us it is cooking. I hate cooking but the kids all help and whinge and share while they do it. Another is the grocery shopping. They now love knowing what is in the house to eat. Sometimes I ask them to read aloud from what they are reading, even school assigned books. Funny, they still like to be read to at times. I found with the depression giving space was very important but maintaining family participation also helped. By keeping a routine with clear expectations it helped get them out of their funk. Even if they felt like #$%*/ .I think doing something for just you is really important at the moment. You can't keep supporting them if you are so drained. Also it is very important to model self care to your kids. Now the tough love side of me is coming out so feel free to skip this paragraph I sometimes pull out the 'rights and responsibilities and needs and wants' chat. We need the basics of food, shelter, clothing and love. And just the basics of those - not the latest fashion etc. Anything on top of that is a bonus. So I go through the list of extras that they get like data/wifi, phone, fashion, own bedroom, food treats/ take away, sleep overs, netflix, pets, transport, sport, music lessons etc. and ask what they do and how they behave to deserve these things. We expect courtesy, hygiene, best effort in classes, chores, kindness, fitness etc. I am prepared to remove or deny the 'wants' from their life. This has included the bedroom door if necessary (the threat was enough because they believe me). They tried to argue that data was essential for school so I countered with rationed data for homework only. Any money they make is theirs but they are reluctant to spend on data etc. When they do follow family values and expectations, they are showered with love etc. We do make it worthwhile. So maybe it would be helpful to strip them back to basics. This includes hubby if he isn't earning or caring. Where are they getting the money from to buy drugs? How are they contacting the supplier? When are they able to meet them or arrange delivery? (of course I wouldn't want to remove things if it means they turn to a life of crime to get things). You could store all unnecessary clothing, furnishings, accessories from the house for a while. Sometimes getting back to bare basics actually helps lift our moods and simplifies our lives. I could go on about tough love forever but will leave it here because I don't think your emotionally ready or strong enough at the moment. Get yourself strong and then the family. If you fall apart what will happen to them, sweetness. You have been so kind and giving to others, now it's time for you. Please take care of yourself. Give us more details if you think it would help. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
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