I was plagued with negative self-talk for years and years. It came about because I was not the person who I wanted to be, and I had all these beliefs about myself that I simply couldn't get over. My main problem was that I could not finish what I started. Or at least that's what I thought it was. In fact, I would start a project that I didn't particularly enjoy, but that I wanted to be able to do, then I'd get angry when I was hitting roadblocks, and quit, then get angry at myself for quitting, repeat. I built up this huge complex of absolute conviction that I was not capable of anything, would give up on everything... it was compounded by a childhood ADD diagnosis... ANYWAY, I see my daughter lapsing into the same negative thinking habits. The self-deprecation... I'm not sure what to say, except my approach has been to expect her to turn her mood around, and to just keep after her. She doesn't like saying positive things either. Just tonight she refused to say "I'm fine" when she was a little uneasy at bedtime (she said it, but used finger quottation marks). What I think is helping her though is that I am now not a negative thinker. I mashed that habit (it was harder for me to break than drugs and booze) and now I can model positive thinking, and its result, and if I continue to tell her to reframe her thinking, if I continue to gently urge her to choose a happier mood, to remind her that happiness can be chosen (when you're not in fact drowning in legitimate hurt... but sometimes even then), then she will one day be able to make the choice for herself to think more positively. In fact, she does have moments where she tries it out, and thank goodness she sees the effect. One thing we do in my family now is we go around the table and say what we are grateful for - one thing. But explain it at some length, why are we grateful for it... and my daughter always comes up with something. My step-daughter spurns the dinner table gratitude, but occasionally contributes something that isn't a joke... I'm not as worried about her. May your daughter find her bliss. And you'll probably have to try a diversity of strategies. Best of luck, JM
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