Hi @Mumof1 So sorry to hear about your daughter suffering at this time !  Major Depressive Disorder can be a crippling and painful experience. The apparatus for" picking your socks up " and getting on with it just isn't there . It's like throwing seed on concrete and telling it to grow . The emotional paralysis can bring with it , anger , deep sadness , despair , guilt , hostility and a weight so heavy you feel as if you have mountains that  are just too high to climb . Motivation to get out there and bring good things into your life seem an impossibility . Even if the desire to get better is strong .  You have done all the right things . Getting her a psych and medication  will help , over time . Her boyfriend , your love and her friends are vital at this time to keep her hoping for a better future . Some things you can remind her of daily , to help allay your fears of what she send her boyfriend might talk/ think about and share that may not be beneficial to either of their wellbeings when they are alone :  1. This too will pass . The way you feel in the moment is not permanent . Feelings are like waves , they ebb and flow and the intensity can be ridden and pass and it to that with some one who loves you . 2. The darkest moments need to be shared . Teach her to be mindful of her escalating negative thought patterns and get her to voice this too you when ever it happens .  3. Encourage her daily to seek you or another loved one out when the emotions become intense and she feels the urge to self harm . Tell her that you are there to intercede and carry her through that wave .  4. Make sure she us aware there are always alternatives to  damaging self harm such as , elastic around the wrists  which are snapped , and hands in ice if she does find herself alone and  the urge overwhelms her . ( Psych should  educate her around this but it needs to be mentioned many times )  5. Get  her to call a support line if she can't reach you  when she is in extreme emotional distress and they will  talk her through until the urge to harm has passed .  6. Having an emergency plan in place which she is reminded of frequently will instil in her the need to be proactive with her own illness  and recognise her own signs .  7. Ask her what she  would implement for a friend who self harms to protect her and help her / him manage it . What would she like yo see them doing to protect themselves ?  8. It is imperative that she " truly gets it " that she is ill and that her cognitive functioning is not at its best and therefore her rational thinking will be compromised enormously.  For this reason she needs to be aware she is in danger of making rash decisions  so it's best to check in with Mum or another loved one for a second opinion - just in case !!  9. Tell her the past does not represent the future and that the way she feels now will  improve , have hope and hold her hand . You can get there together !!  10. Make sure you use the resources of other close family members to support you and help you cope with the ongoing worry, concern and supervision of her ( without smothering)  her , knowing she is surrounded with love support and acceptance will be a buffer for the weight of the dark times . She will be more resilient as a result and be more willing to shout out when she is unable to cope with the intensity of the bad thoughts and feelings .  My thoughts are with you at this very troubling anxious time , stay strong and determined , together you can manage this well !  ... View more

Great advice guys !  Thanks for bringing up this issue @lucille !! Medication can be a very important part of a recovery / management plan for mental health .  MH medication , needs to be treated with respect and kid gloves . We are lucky to live in an age when new generation drugs are reducing the many awful side affects of trying to stay " mentally well " . If it was not for medication , half of my family would be dead . I am so grateful for their availablity and the science that goes into modifying and researching them . They have helped my family to live more qualitative lives and given the rest of the family some semblance of peace .   I also believe it is important to explore with care the ability for our young people to have the lowest dose possible to function well . Despite the many advances , there are still long term side effects , for some people . Exploring the right cocktail for your own body chemistry is a struggle at first but with perseverance you will get there !  I may be biased here but I believe in Mother's instinct  enormously. We gave birth to that child and know them like no other , our connection is  deeply spiritual  and  biologically visceral  . It's wonderful that you have so many professional people in his court , at the end of the day , it's still an inexact science , so treading with caution and Mums instinct is in my view your best bet .  Best of luck and thank you ! I still see in society a kind of divisive attitude around  mental health medications . I always say , until you've lived it , you will never truly respect its importance as part of the mental health equation .  Gratitude 🙏 ... View more

Hi @Preet. We are here , and we are listening ! We may not have all the answers but you can be sure that we will throw up some ideas of what you can try !! The staff also have some great links to resources that may help . You are not alone ! 😊 ... View more

Hi all , I agree with you all , and have struggled with " shouting " too . I came from a family where my Dad would shout us down . We were not ever allowed to have our own opinions or perspective and when you made a mistake or he was angry we copped it . My brothers got it worse than me .  Being hit for doing the wrong thing , or just because he was frustrated . My Dad NEVER apologised .  I have since learned about myself that I am hyper sensitive to my husbands interaction with my son , as a result of the resentment I unknowingly carried particularly about my brothers treatment .  I have learned to accept that my husbands relationship with our son is far richer and a million times more healthy than my or my brothers relationship with my dad and it can weather some storms . My son is confident in our love for him and he spends a lot if quality time with my husband so this is a buffer to the times when my husband gets annoyed , angry or irritated and shouts ( never hits )  My husband and I can also easily say we are sorry and that is the crux of what we have all been talking about here isn't it !!  We always have a debrief after a blow up and my kids are always entitled to their anger and their frustration .  My kids can even say to their Dad . " Dad you're being an **bleep** ! " Something that would have sent my own Dad through the roof and us running  for cover  as he " demanded " respect rather than modelled it in his behaviours as a parent .  I think that if we can say , despite our flaws we are always " evolving " as parents and we have learned huge lessons from our own childhood that we try consciously not to repeat then we are good enough !! Not perfect but we are loved and respected - most of the time ! 😜   ... View more

Thanks for your response @Big_Crab. He does watch the TV . His watches YouTube and movies he likes .  I think a male counsellor may do better than me . I must be asking the wrong questions in the wrong way . Thx  ... View more

How can I join I am free tonight ! ... View more

Hi there @Oceanentity . Thank you for joining us ! So glad to hear you are doing the parent coaching program . I have heard it is enormously helpful . I really feel for you . We have trouble with our 17 year old and we are a two parent family ! I just can't imagine how hard it would be to parent alone and with a Dad who is perhaps not on the same page . I know quite a few lovely , caring , intelligent , educated  separated parents who have the same issues because they are not regularly involved in parenting together and do not have a joint plan . It can make parenting consistently very hard to achieve . The kids know it and play each parent off the other . It must be so exasperating and tiring !!  Some questions to ask yourself and ponder on , and perhaps discuss with her :  Has anything changed recently that could be a trigger for her defiance and anger ?  Is she happy at school and with her lot in life in general ?  Ask about her friends . Has she had fallings out with people at school ?  How does she find her social media life ? Does she feel respected and safe online ?  Is there any bullying going on ?  How is her school work going ?  How are things with her and Dad ?  You can find an opaque way to approach these subjects . Being indirect is the best approach with teenagers .  Wait until she is in a good head space and you are going through a " getting along phase " and ask her what is going on for her when you say " No "to her demands . Ask her how it makes her feel . Validate her feelings without agreeing with her . She has a right to her perspective even if she still has to comply . Then tell her how it makes you feel when she storms out of the house and does   not come  back or respond to your texts . Tell her it makes you feel fearful and vulnerable as a Mum , not knowing where she is or if she is ok . Tell her the feeling is like when she was lost for a short while as a child and couldn't find Mum - Remember  that ? -  that panicky moment when you don't feel  safe or peaceful anymore but anxious and stressed ." Where is my Mum / daughter ! "' Tell her that  the police will track her down to know where she is if you feel worried and let them know she hadn't told you where she is .  Parents don't have to wait 24 hours for teens  to be missing anymore before they are searched for . She is only 14 they will take that very seriously .  Tell her you don't want that to happen for her - it would be embarrassing and a little dramatic as she will probably be ok but it will be your only course of action ( as much as you don't want to do it ) if she fails to contact you .  I understand your need to avoid a confrontation ! Boy do I work to avoid it with my mouthy belligerent daughter who really pushes my buttons . Avoid as much as you can but don't let her rule the roost .  Find her currency - whatever she values take away from her , but make sure she knows what will happen BEFORE she commits the crime .  Don't threaten it , shout it or argue it , just calmly tell her the consequences of not doing what she's told . It needs to be clear , consistent , predictable  and ongoing . Keep your voice at the same level and tone as she gets louder and angrier . She will up the anti , stay calm but firm . It's ok to show your displeasure just not lose your temper - usually ends in escalation and overreaction and tears all around .    If she won't talk to you about what is going on , get her to see a counsellor and ask her permission  to be able to talk to the counsellor to see what YOU  need to change in your interactions with her to improve  your relationship . If she feels you are willing to learn and change , and are humble about it , she may be open to you knowing what she talked to the counsellor about - This depends on the child / parent dynamic . Some don't want you to mention anything others are more open if they do not fear the parent' s response .  I have experienced both in my practice .  Let us know how you go ! 🙏                     ... View more

Hi @Maxnochar4612 So sorry to hear this is happening to you and your family ! I have a 13 year old son who can be belligerent and stubborn . This is a huge growth time in their lives and the testosterone surges can see them become aggressive and difficult . It's hard to deal with and even harder to live with !  With out knowing a lot about your family dynamic , some suggestions of things to explore if you haven't already :  1 . You said this started about 12 months ago , what did this change coincide with ?  Perhaps when he is in a good mood , explore this with him . To facilitate this  spend more time with just him , particularly father/ son one on one , doing some activity , shooting hoops , playing soccer at the park .  It may take many one on ones .  2. Start to talk with him about how he thinks his behaviour affects the individuals in the family . What can he see will be the outcome of his reactions and encourage him to understand that the only person you can change is you , and that if you want to  get what you want then he needs to get smart and strategic about how he approaches others .  Tell him that by acting in positive ways in interactions with others he is will find that he can become more empowered.  3. Ask him how he could better approach others in the family . What are choices of language that would be respectful and get good results ? Help him with this if he gets stuck . Teen boys particularly have difficulty with language use and expression . Make suggestions but don't insist .  4. When he is given a firm NO , what does he think would be the best way to handle that ? How could he see the decision differently and learn to accept it ? Asking questions for HIM to solve his interpersonal conflict style , makes him stop and think more about his impact on others and how he can empower himself without being dominating .  6 . Praise him, praise him, praise him !! Even when he does the smallest thing right . Catch him doing good and tell him how proud you are of him .  7 . Reflect on your parenting style . What are you modelling for him ? Is there something you are doing that is adding to his interaction style ? Could you change your behaviours and language style with him to get better outcomes . Has he learnt from someone that swearing and being aggressive gets results ?  8. This will take time consistency and patience . So keep at it !  9. If he continues to get worse despite your strategic input then a psychologist would be the next port of call . His behaviour has to stop as it is affecting the family dynamic too much and it is unfair on the other siblings to just wait and hope he " grows out of it " .  Best of luck ! 😊   ... View more

Hey @taziness . What a fabulous initiative ! Thank you for sharing this with me .    Is that your specific website you have put up for me to look at ? Unfortunately, you might have to take  it down from the forum post as one of the moderators told me it might identify us . However there must be another way we can communicate to each other about this ? @Ngaio-RO. ? Any ideas ?  Cheers 😊 ... View more

Wonderful idea @taokat. ! Thank you for sharing !  ... View more

Thank you @Zoesplace . Great idea !! They are device addicts for sure ! Thank you for your contribution 😊 ... View more

Oh my god @Susieq You made me laugh when I read your post !!  When I was a child my mum MADE me do what felt like 2 hours of ironing a week ( I'm sure it was less) I  HATED it soooooo much and argued ALL the time over it . So much so that as an adult I do  not have an ironing basket sitting smugly in my house anywhere !!  Lol 😂  It was so ironic that the first post I get is about kids and ironing lol 😜 However it has taught me that we all have house duties and responsibilities and thus my kids also do jobs . What I love about your system is that you started when they were young and so it's not such a huge problem now getting them to stick to the routine .  And you perserved even though they were not done well initially .  Good parenting takes conscious active effort and consistency and that is where most of us fall down !!  Thank you sooooo much for your post . I'm hoping now others will feel like posting too 😉🌹🙏 ... View more

Oh boy @MumEJ I can relate to this so much ! I feel that my daughter disrespects me and has an answer for everything ! She is 17 . She will argue until she is blue in the face and will NEVER back down . They can be right fighters at that age because they have not learnt that negotiation , compromise and owning your part in the problem is part of being an adult and  the best way to navigate successful relations .  I was also that way for many years until my husband pointed it out to me and I realised that seeing his point of view did not mean he was right and I was wrong , it was a vehicle to reconciliation. Arguing was not about winning it was about finding a solution . By recognising and validating his view , it did not mean I was agreeing with him, it just meant he was less defensive , less combative and more amenable  seeing my point of view too without necessarily agreeing with it .  Geeze took me until I was well into my thirties for that darn lightbulb to go on .  I started quite early with my kids apologising if I felt that I had lost my temper , reacted badly or just didn't handle the interaction well . This had never happened in my childhood .  I have found that over time they are now reflecting that behaviour back to me more in our relationship .  Letting them know what kind of impact their words have on you is a good technique too . I will say if I am hurt or upset by their words without getting aggressive or demanding anything of them .  Yet my daughter can still press my buttons !!! I tend to let her have the last word because I know , I have to take the higher  moral ground and  be responsible for not letting the situation escalate , or   it can get  ugly and regrettable.  I don't let her get disrespectful and she doesn't get her own way but the argument fizzles out instead  if I don't take the verbal bait . Otherwise you get down to their maturity level and argue at their level . That is never productive .  At 17 they feel they are adults and to a degree we have to start the process of treating them like one . Showing respect for their thoughts, opinions , and  autonomy is important . This is the beginning of their  adult life and learning to separate is difficult but we create a new mode of being with our young adult children , that helps them to move forward with confidence and the knowledge they are capable of navigating their own lives , but we are always here to support, love , and we are a soft place to fall  when they need it .  ... View more

Hi @Solly62 . Blended families must be really hard ! I find family life difficult enough as it is without having the added " bonus" of different parenting styles from birth ! Usually in new families , parents come together with their different parenting styles , they clash , then if they work hard at it they find a happy medium somewhere . It's a constant re-negotiation and reworking . My husband and I do not agree on each other's parenting styles and it took us years to find a blend that is ok we still have hiccups .  I would take time to praise my husband if he handled something well ( as he blows his top easily ) and he would pull me back if he felt I had been unreasonable . It took a long time for him to realise that it was ok to challenge each other on our parenting styles .  He always said I was criticising him , I would say yes but it's also constructive and I want you to do the same with me . Our  defensive egos must not get in the way of being the best collaborative union we can be . I want to know if I am handling something well . Afterwards I would ask him " How was that , do you think that was a good response ?"  No parenting template is perfect and we need to be pulled up sometimes if we have been illogical , irrational overreactive or biased . It's the reason that 2 parents  are the ideal . We can check each other , it's about the kids  wellbeing and solid adjustment to life , not our agendas or issues with each other .  I tell him we have a duty of care to bring this child to adulthood with life skills, respect for themselves and others and a good work ethic . It's starts with their bedroom .  My daughter leaves mouldy sandwiches , bowls of cereal , wrappers , and gawd know what in her room for weeks . We have told her sooooo many times she needs to be more  respectful of her room .only 4 days ago we had the same talk yet again - nicely and civilly .  Sooooo today after once again finding  used tissues and mouldy pasta we cracked it - yes we raised our voices ! and have taken her lifeline ( internet ) for two weeks over the school holidays . We will stick to that .  We realised that not mentioning consequences early on was a mistake . Find their currency and use it  as incentive  and give specific timelines to when things must be achieved . They need predictability and if your step son and partner have Asperger's syndrome-even more so .  Praise the boy when he makes small achievements without being asked , as well as when he does a good job of what he's been asked to do . Also try to connect with him You want him to know that you care about him as well as his Mum in this new relationship scenario . Many step kids can feel a little left out or that the new partner is only their for their  partner and the step kid is  not a necessarily wanted addition .  The other thing that is really important is that parenting a step child is VERY difficult unless you are there from when they  they 3 or 4 years of age  They see you as a bit of an interloper in their authority circle and really resent it !  Your partner is the best one to do the parenting , otherwise you will find yourself up against him AND her as a strong defensive duo . Mothers and their sons !!! Boy my husband and I battle on that one 😜 and we are not even blended !  You and your partner really need to work out a measurable parenting plan for him with specifics on it that you both can agree on and then let her implement , monitor ( maybe with you as an advisor,  supporter and possibly detective  in the background lol   ) and dish out consequences . You just back her up when he throws a wobbly . Decide what is important to you as @Ngaio-RO says, find out what is important to her and then develop a compromise and STICK TO IT .  Best of luck ! Let us know how you fare ! 😊 ... View more

Hi all , just to add to my call out post to parents . I need to let you know that you will remain anonymous, I will make up names  and where I publish it will remain anonymous too .  Hope to here from you soon ! 😊 ... View more

Hi @St_George- It It's  so interesting to me that she is able to be " better behaved " when only one parent is home . Perhaps explore that dynamic with her and with your wife , perhaps separately ?  I am sure you have had all sorts of suggestions of diagnosis and I know she is probably too old but her symptoms seem to echoe ODD which I am sure you have heard about . Many of the tips on sites such as  Raisingkids.net.au. I have used with my kids  Such as catch them doing some good , really small stuff like  patting the dog ! Or bringing out her dishes and praise her . 10 positive comments to every one rocket up the bum . Well maybe 5 lol 😂  Relay back to her what she has just argued at you , in a calm voice , so she is sure you have heard her and say you understand where she is coming from and that you can see she is annoyed, irritated , upset AND she still has to do whatever .  I'm sorry if you have done all of this consistently to no benefit . It must be exhausting ! Especially when people give you advice you have tried ad nauseum .  The other thing that crossed my mind was this :  Sometimes long term behavioural problems can be neurological and or medical or genetic ?  I know this might sound strange but did she have a fall to the head before age 4 ? Has she had any brain scans ?  Really if you have tried everything been to upteen psychs and tried all the behavioural strategies maybe she is in some kind of neurological feedback loop she is stuck in ?  This may not be voluntary and entirely controllable on her behalf ? Maybe it's a mixture of factors ?  As far as her counsellor not telling you why she won't come to school , that would be something worth exploring , is she being bullied and trying to protect someone ? Sorry not a lot to add from me if you have tried for so many years .  I wish I could suggest more  Best of luck , my thoughts are with you and your wife .  ... View more

Hi @St_George- 0h boy you sound as if you have been on a difficult pathway wit this child ! She has been seeing psychs since she was 4 ! Goodness that is a long and difficult road for you and your wife .  I am so sorry his is happening to you and 13 is a tough one , my daughter was very difficult at that age . I could have swapped her for a slab of beer ( and I don't even like beer )  Would you be able to give us some more details as to what the psychs have said recently ? To diagnose a child with anxiety without even treating them seems strange . And if she has this how did it originate ? Why did she see so many ? What was your takeaway ?  You also say she gets on well with friends and is confident at school . What about authority ? Does she kick up a stink at school ? If she doesn't then I would say the problem is the family dynamic - without trying to lay all the blame at the parental feet ! As @Ngaio-RO she may be playing you . She knows how to get what she wants .  Anger can also be not just sadness or fear but also frustration - what could she be frustrated about ?  Just some food for thought..      ... View more

Oh boy @taokat How do  manage to get hyperlinks happening in your posts ? I  have resource links to share but don't know how to  transfer them to my post ? Ta  ... View more

Awww @taokat what a lot for you to deal with ! I think that you have every right to have a big fat rant . So sorry to hear your Dad is unwell that must be a huge worry . As our parents age , every hospitalised  medical issue can be potentially life threatening  situation , getting old  is rotten . As my mother in law says " it's not to be recommended ".   You are a very important , and committed contributor to this forum , your insights , thoughts , support and compassion are so evident in your writing . I can tell you are a really good egg and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity on any forum you volunteer your very capable abilities .  People do take advantage of us and we sometimes can be a little fluid with our boundaries , when we are by nature , compassionate , caring , thoughtful people . Sometimes we don't even know when it has happened to use until afterwards ! Like a scam !  It is part of the  fabric of our being , we are so quick to support and help as our nature is inclined to good will and giving . Sorry this happened to you , on top of your medical issues you don't want this stress either !  Hope you are tapping into those self care strategies you have now !  Stay strong and be kind to yourself .  ... View more

Hi @hippychick Sorry to hear your son is feeling so negative towards school . It must be like dragging yourself to a job you hate every day and boy we've all been there !  Sone questions ?  How long has he felt 'this way ? He is 16 , on the home run as they say so  what has triggered this ? Has he always hated it ?  Finding the exact reasons he doesn't like the school environment may help with some fresh ideas of how to help him .  I hated school because it was such an encroachment on my daily hours ! Why couldn't we have Wednesdays off to rejuvenate 😜 I hated the routine and the subjects I had stupidly chosen and all those bells and assemblies 🙄Zzzz. Yet I loved Uni  because it was flexible and autonomous.  Have thought about alternative pathways for him ? Go to the link on  the Education department  website flexible learning pathways and see if some options suit him .  I know of the Ayce program in Victoria where the child goes to school once a week and then is self paced . There are also VCAL courses and TAFE ?  Sorry I would give you direct links but I am using an iPad not my computer .        ... View more

@EmmaParker. So sorry to hear this is happening to you . This is horrific and exhausting and now your darling child is involved ! This means this stalker is getting cocky and brave and relentless and upping the ante .  The longer this goes on the greater the long term damage to you and your daughter . My advice : Fight back , and fight back hard  now . They must not win . Keep all the evidence ,  report and record EVERTHING , hound the police . Make sure you get names of the policeman handling your case, ask for them specifically when you call again and again , make sure you have that case investigation  number on your lips to quote every single time you get a new detective on the line that you have to re- relay your darn story too yet AGAIN .  Block all social media . Your daughter 's especially .  She might complain but tell her it's just temporary and she can use  the safest device the family has , landline ? To call friends .  Change phone numbers if you have to . Ring  your service provider and let them know what is going on get them to help you with ways to protect your privacy and security .   Best of luck we are thinking of you !    ... View more

@lucille Thank you for sharing your similarities with @Trapet. Finding support like yours is invaluable for those with issues that resonate deeply . Keep talking you two ! Two heads are better than one , and together you may springboard an idea that gains traction . I'm so sorry that your beautiful children are going through this . It must be anguish for you all and for your boys exhausting and painful .  I am seeing more clearly every day in my work at a local high school , the extreme , sometimes fatal damage that bullying can have on the soul . We need to take a much stronger stance in society and make sure  our youth know it can be a crime .  Severe mental  health issues ,  can be triggered  and exacerbated by bullying . Kids are playing Russian roulette with others' psyche and it must be nipped in the bud .  For kids who have potential for mental illness , it can be death by a thousand cuts . This is an issue I want addressed more strongly in schools . It MUST be a safe place .  I say you have done the right thing keeping him out if school for now if it's stressing him out , what's the bloody point ?  Medication can make their cognitive functioning a little cloudy too , so it can be quite a challenge for them to engage pen paper and brain . We deal with what we have in front of us . It is what it is . He has years to achieve his goals , get his health on track for now .  Stay strong for your boys and be their biggest advocate . Medication can and does work if it is the right cocktail , that is trial and error unfortunately, but with perseverance and love  and custom fitted strategies for your boys , you will get there . I am thinking of you both and sending my best wishes  ... View more

@Trapet . I can see you are feeling very fearful about your sons future if he is not going to  school . Please don't despair ! School is not the be all and end all . We are so conditioned to believe that no school no uni no future . This has now proved to be only one pathway to achievement and there are so many other options available to them now . Which state are you in ?  Did you know there are programs  such as Ayce ( in Victoria )  where the teen goes to school once a week and spends the rest of the time at home  doing assignments and projects at their own pace ? Just because he may not go to school  does not mean that his career as a writer will not eventuate . There are online courses he can do to learn to  improve his technical writing skills and the best way to learn organically to be a writer ? Read, read, read !!   There are many online freelance websites now , where he can tap into work as a freelancer . He will find his niche . His health is what matters right now , and your ability to look after yourself while you look after him . This takes huge psychic and physical energy  Getting him well enough to function and achieve small goals is the only thing you need to concentrate on now . Let the future take care  of itself .  The past is a memory , the future is a mystery , the present is a gift .  Go easy on yourself and him .  ... View more

Hi @Trape if he still has the energy to go to school keep him going . Some social contact is better than none . Let his teachers know he is unwell and they may cut him some slack with deadlines and marks .  How long has he been on his medication?  , sometimes it takes 6 weeks to start to have a positive effect on his thinking . What is he doing on his computer , talking to his peers or games ?   You say he likes writing but has stopped . Finding out why he has stopped could be  an important road to a solution to his blocks . What would need to happen for him to start writing again ? Get him to join a peer forum like the one we have  here at Reach Out @Sophi-RO Or @TOM-RO  can give you the link  that encourages him to share and support his peers . Getting out of the way of yourself and stopping focusing on yourself , and into helping others is very therapeutic for  mental health problems . He may find he has valuable insights and much to offer , and giving back to the community may be cathartic and supportive for him .  Small wins are important . Setting himself simple achievable goals for the day is productive and important to his mental health progression . Each progressive achievement sets up  solid mental preparation and foundation for the next step . It give him encouragement ,  and makes him feel proud and motivated for the next step .  ... View more

Hi @Trapet . I am so sorry to hear that your precious son is having such a terrible time . I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you , knowing there is so much going on in his smart introspective head but you can't access it ! It must be so frustrating for you and so difficult for him . Mental illness can often leave up feeling that it takes too much cognitive energy to talk , it takes enough emotional energy just to function , or we don't want to feel vulnerable , weak, or exposed , or a burden .  The key here maybe to find his language to make this process easier . What does he enjoy ? Writing ? Drawing ? Basketball ?  AFL , Cooking , Music ? These are are potential facilitators to access his thoughts . Straight talk therapy can often be a pain for a teenage boy when they are what I call in the " grunt" stage . This happens even when they are not sick ! Face to face  " agenda " discussions can be too confronting .  Soooooo find his vehicle : If it's basketball , shot hoops with him , half an hour or even 15 minutes  early evening . At first, talk nothing in particular keep it to safe topics , sport , techniques, basketball players he admires , whatever . This may go on for a few weeks , slowly introduce talk of how he is faring in life in general . Opening up dialogue with safe topics can often be a  foundation and catalyst for deeper topics further down the track . Make sure he does this activity with someone he respects , trusts and admires in the family ( dad ,grandpa,  uncle , cousin etc ) Better if it's you or your partner but other family members or close friends can be a great resource .    Ask him if he could write down his thoughts if he loves to write . He may not want to share this with you initially but it's a start to a potential communication avenue in the future . A journal of his experiences would be a great way for him to articulate his feelings   . Tell him that many people go through what he is going through and will in the future, so you never know when his content could be become a resource for a self  helpful book . His take on things and his experiences are  unique ,worthwhile and important . It may help others in the future .   Tell him his insights are like poetry there is always something worthwhile to share . You can ask about them from time to time, if you show enough gentle interest  from time to time without pushing him , he may open up when he's in a good mood .  If he likes writing lyrics for songs or raps - even better ! He will be more inclined to let your hear this as any potential artist would !  Praise the work before you start asking probing questions .  I wonder why he won't talk to the psychiatrist or the psychologist ? Sometimes we just don't click with one counsellor but can another .  It's trial and error like any relationship . Maybe try a few more until he gels with someone who is on his level ? A good counsellor should have tools up their sleeve for a non- communicative client.  Hope this springboards some ideas . 😊 ... View more

Thank you @taokat and @Lily17 for your very important and pertinent comments on this issue . Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would hear such a tragic story around the consequences of bullying in my neighbourhood . This is the stuff of " 13 reasons Why "  only in America - land of the extremes !! Not in Melbourne.  The mum is a gentle calm sweet level headed and kind hearted lady who is reluctant to make a lot of noise  and is afraid of ruffling feathers !  and going against protocol . Or hurting people's feelings !! , unlike me who would be harassing and hounding everyone for answers and action . The depth of anger and need for justice ( what ever form that takes )  I feel about this seems to me , not to be matched by  others and that puzzles me enormously .  I feel so sad  sympathetic , compassionate and passionate but  unable to help  . I approach this as if it was my own child. There by the grace of God....... ... View more

Hi @Lily17 I think at this stage it is a state issue. I just looked at the AfP website @Ngaio-RO suggested . Confusing and wordy but that was my take away . I guess the state police have her phone so it's a waiting  game . What should I get the Mum to do ? She is desperate for direction ? Looks like waiting is th answer at this stage ..... it would send me   crazy not knowing what is going on in the investigation of my child 's death . My heart breaks for her . I wish I could do more .   Thx Sian  ... View more

Hi @Lily17 and @Ngaio-RO I seem to not to be able to view  the beginning of this story thread but this issue of cyber bullying being a crime and getting the police involved is very pertinent to me at the moment. Tragically,  2 weeks ago, a 15 year old girl at our school threw herself in front of a  train as a result of relentless bullying since November of last year . The girl had no mental health issues prior to November and had been a strong bright and happy child. She become depressed lost a lot of weight and changed schools. The bully still managed through other avenues, I am assuming mutual friends, to get to her on the exact day she took her life. Her family is sure that the bullying caused , yet she has not had ONE person who witnessed the  bullying or has evidence on their social media toys, or even the well being coordinators of both her old school and her new school, call her and tell her everything they know. I know from counselling some of the grieving girls afterwards that at least one has info that should be passed on to the family, yet the well being coordinator says its up to that girl to pass it on ??? Really ? Surely with Brodie's Law ( Victoria )  being applicable in evidenced cases, this is a potential crime and why are people not falling over each other to get to either the police or the parents ?  Why have the police who have her phone , after 2 weeks still not contacted the family and kept them up to date with how the investigation is progressing . This is psychological murder and if we can gather enough evidence this child can be charged with a crime. Is there some protocol here that her Mum must abide by ? Should she be driving this herself,  pursuing and interviewing  people ? or should she wait for people to contact her ? I am interested in people's factual/ practical  knowledge of this process please ?   Thank you forum family   ... View more